Saturday, September 22, 2012

Dream For Rae (she is 'you')

had a dream that there was one of those shindigs at grandma's so my dad and i went over in the same car and it turned into a camping deal. So i went inside while everyone else was in the garage and tried to sleep in that one room where your dad stayed. and someone raped me. and then the next morning i kept trying to get dressed and grandma would nto fucking leave me alone to put my clothes on and she was obsessed with how pretty my bra was. I finally got dressed and went out to be with everyone else and you were like "You're not the first person to get raped here." I was like "Um, I don't know what you're talking about..." And and bonnie knew "the face of a raped girl" but no one else was paying attention.

So then I go home and my car windows are down and one of the doors is open. And its pouring. And i'm like "WHAT THE HELL DAD? Did we get robbed?" "Oh probably just got so hot in there that the doors burst open." I walked up to the door and the window had been smashed in and all the stuff from my backseat was gone and I tried to open the trunk but the button had been removed from my fob. Then we went inside and all my dad's printers and computers and phones were gone. Went into my room and all my computer stuff was gone. On the table where my dad's computer was, was a composite sketch of some guy named Randall and a police report from a witness.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

And How's Your Week Going?

Let's discuss shitweek.

  • Sunday - Wonderful, all that exciting horseshit. Love, sex, snacks...
  • Monday - Turns out those snacks were poisoned (or spoiled and then poisoned me); had to call off for the first time ever because I just lie in bed writhing in pain until 9pm when I tried to eat a small piece of chicken...
  • Tuesday - woke myself up from nightmares, still not ok to eat meat but forced myself through a 6 inch Subway heaven sandwich, went to work...Subway = awful idea
  • Wednesday - go to work, doing fine...doing fine...suddenly become very pale, dizzy...blurred vision, loss of hearing, almost passed out in the bathroom; my arms and legs started trembling but I couldn't bring myself to puke because our bathrooms are too gross to throw up in (yes...too gross for vomit), so I crawled to tell a manager, then curled into a chair in the break room and cried for about 15 minutes; manager bought me some animal crackers and a hour and a half later, I was able to stand up. continued working. went to mom's for taco night. ate one taco, got sick again. came home...sleep = nightmares
  • Thursday - woke up from nightmares (see Wednesday) at 4:26. Then woke up again at 5:30 when phone fell off its stand and turned on the electric blanket which then started to cook me...but as of 9:04 am, I have not gotten sick. Knock wood.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Top Songs of 2011!

1. Sugarland - Incredible Machine
2. Lil Kim ft. Sisqo - How Many Licks
3. Blue October - Into the Ocean
4. Nicki Manaj ft. Eminem - Roman's Revenge
5. James - Laid
6. Taylor Swift - Fearless
7. Keith Urban - Better Life
8. Atmosphere - Fuck You Lucy
9. Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone
10. Trey Songs ft. Nicki Manaj - Bottoms Up
11. Adele - Someone Like You
12. Blackstreet ft. Dr. Dre - No Diggity
13. Lady Gaga - Bloody Mary
14. Foster the People - Pumped Up Kicks
15. Kenny Chesney - Somewhere With You
16. Avril Lavigne - Losing Grip
17. Taylor Swift - Hey Stephen
18. Ke$ha - Blow

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Happy New Year!

Hello. I has been two and a half months since my last blog. I apologize for any loyal readers out there. But like I have said in the past, my post frequency depends on mood. And I guess there's something good about antidepressants...

When we last left Stef, she was having nightmares about work. Nothing's changed. Same old, same old nightmares. She was also told she might have a brain tumor. Turns out, not so much, but might as well have been one.

I have several bulging discs pinching nerves in my neck on the right side, hence the face-numbing and pain. Unfortunately Aetna might be the worst insurance in the history of the world and they don't cover ANYTHING, so I can't pay for my physical therapy or medicine or doctor's visits or, well, anything. Basically I have to live with the pain until something happens with the shit-show of a health care system the US has or I die. I fear dying will come first.

I had a nightmare that the Christmas music playlist at work got stuck and we had to listen to it forever. And ever. And ever. And ever.

Today is one of those days where I wake up and think, "Is this really my life? Am I really nearly 26 years old, wearing fuzzy pajama pants in my dad's house, waking up at 5:45 am to go to work for a 13.5 hour shift at my horrid retail job because I'm a 'trooper?' Did my NYE really involve three fights because of someone who wasn't even invited and decided to ruin it for everyone present? Was I really mopping the Kahlua off the floor with a towel for 45 minutes? Is there really three feet of snow on my car that I have to go brush off before I attempt to trek to work? Is the Dragon Lady really going to continue to make my life awful until I lose it?"

Yes. Yes it is really my life.