Friday, September 02, 2011

Gross & Grosser

So, a few updates.

In August, I had to face 2/3 of my tangible fears. (One is basically brinking on phobia...) and then a few days later there was almost the third. Normally, I would post pictures and make this post look all fancy and shit, but...considering looking at the one throws me into fits of crying and panic, I'll go ahead and skip over numero uno (which is the evil fucking spawn of flies in creepy crawly form. aka maggots). A friend must have left food in my car, because I do not, during the month of hell most people called July. I mean, 27 days of 90+ degrees, and a tomato on my car floor, 3/4 windows up all the time...Paradise for some horny little flies. Turns them on about as much as the thought of being pushed up against a tree during a light spring rain does for me. Long story short, I was at a friend's house, saw them moving on my passenger side floor, drove to work in a panic smooshed up against the door, hoping I would crash in a fiery death before they could crawl towards me. I put plastic bags on both hands and put the pile of evil little spawn inside another bag and rushed it to the garbage can outside work.

Numero dos = bears. Yeah, the picture shows an adorable little baby. You want to pick him up, cuddle a little. Maybe play a bit of fetch. Sleep next to each other, take him for walks. Love him.

Try driving down the street when the larger variety runs out in front of you and you turn into a babbling pile of "what is car? how drive? what the FUCK just happened??? bear dog?" Yes. Turns out, Stef forgets basic motor skills when a 500 pound bear darts out from behind some trees and goes nonchalantly into some person's yard.

Number three: Like, I get that weather is all unpredictable and shit...but tornadoes should warn people...at least enough warning that I can kill myself before they destroy everything that I love. You know, like...my family, Puppy, photo albums, etc. A house can be rebuilt. Puppy is irreplaceable. And with my job, I'd probably be asked to come in to work the next day anyway, regardless of the fact that my uniform will be in a tree 10 miles away.

End fears.

I'm eating taco meat, and that's all that's new. My life is that exciting. You read that correctly. I am not eating tacos...I am eating taco meat and shredded cheese all mixed together. Ugh, I wish I could just do something ridiculous. Like, go out of town for a few days (or hours). Maybe be allowed to have a day off? I'm going to a doctor on Wednesday. It should be fun, with my list of ailments. "Hey doc, which do you feel like is the most pressing issue right now? I mean, we should probably start with the suicidal periods I have or maybe the face-goes-numb-when-I-move-certain-ways thing. THANKS!"

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