Saturday, September 24, 2011

Weird Things That Irritate Me

Or as I like to call them "Pains in my ass"

1. That defectively folded tissue on the top of the box that won't come out until you fucking rip it into little pieces.

2. Coworkers who think they are "doing me a solid" by doing something, but really, they are just FUCKING WITH THINGS that I had organized into a specific way so I can deal with them in a timely manner the next day.

3. Blackberry. The phone not fruit. There is this GD registration message that I get no less than 20 times a day. And every forum I read about it, says that it's just because Blackberries are awful and there is nothing you can do about it. ANNNND I happen to agree. Ever since the upgrade to OS 6, my phone works worse than before (if you can believe it...). The only way to get the notification envelope symbol thing off your phone is to read EACH AND EVERY ONE individually.

4. The band-aids in the First Aid kit at work are all one string, that you have to rip apart if you want one. Here's the thing. If I am bleeding profusely from my finger (just an example...in no way am I referencing my Tuesday night) and trying to hold a tissue around it so I don't drip onto every surface, how do they expect me to get one apart? Here, I'll tell you. You grab one and flail until it rips apart.

5. People who brag about having their Christmas shopping done. BTW, in case you didn't know. It's September fucking 24th...(coughmomcough)

6. MRIs. And then having to work afterwards.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Doctor Update!

Speaking of that doctor visit...

The doctor thinks I have a brain tumor.

Have a nice fucking day.
You know what would be really fucking awesome? If I could sleep. It's 1:27 am and I CAN NOT SLEEP. AFTER A TEN HOUR SHIFT. GAWD.

Friday, September 02, 2011

Gross & Grosser

So, a few updates.

In August, I had to face 2/3 of my tangible fears. (One is basically brinking on phobia...) and then a few days later there was almost the third. Normally, I would post pictures and make this post look all fancy and shit, but...considering looking at the one throws me into fits of crying and panic, I'll go ahead and skip over numero uno (which is the evil fucking spawn of flies in creepy crawly form. aka maggots). A friend must have left food in my car, because I do not, during the month of hell most people called July. I mean, 27 days of 90+ degrees, and a tomato on my car floor, 3/4 windows up all the time...Paradise for some horny little flies. Turns them on about as much as the thought of being pushed up against a tree during a light spring rain does for me. Long story short, I was at a friend's house, saw them moving on my passenger side floor, drove to work in a panic smooshed up against the door, hoping I would crash in a fiery death before they could crawl towards me. I put plastic bags on both hands and put the pile of evil little spawn inside another bag and rushed it to the garbage can outside work.

Numero dos = bears. Yeah, the picture shows an adorable little baby. You want to pick him up, cuddle a little. Maybe play a bit of fetch. Sleep next to each other, take him for walks. Love him.

Try driving down the street when the larger variety runs out in front of you and you turn into a babbling pile of "what is car? how drive? what the FUCK just happened??? bear dog?" Yes. Turns out, Stef forgets basic motor skills when a 500 pound bear darts out from behind some trees and goes nonchalantly into some person's yard.

Number three: Like, I get that weather is all unpredictable and shit...but tornadoes should warn people...at least enough warning that I can kill myself before they destroy everything that I love. You know, like...my family, Puppy, photo albums, etc. A house can be rebuilt. Puppy is irreplaceable. And with my job, I'd probably be asked to come in to work the next day anyway, regardless of the fact that my uniform will be in a tree 10 miles away.

End fears.

I'm eating taco meat, and that's all that's new. My life is that exciting. You read that correctly. I am not eating tacos...I am eating taco meat and shredded cheese all mixed together. Ugh, I wish I could just do something ridiculous. Like, go out of town for a few days (or hours). Maybe be allowed to have a day off? I'm going to a doctor on Wednesday. It should be fun, with my list of ailments. "Hey doc, which do you feel like is the most pressing issue right now? I mean, we should probably start with the suicidal periods I have or maybe the face-goes-numb-when-I-move-certain-ways thing. THANKS!"