Wednesday, April 20, 2011

And Dreaming About Druglords

I don't think I've ever met Dawn's ex-husband Jerry. I've heard stories about him and saw him in passing at work once. The story you're about to hear is NOT one of the stories I've heard about him. I hope no one stumbles upon this and thinks that Dawn is starting rumors about him. It was simply a dream. (It gets graphic near the end...sexually graphic. And has potential for NSFW.)

I went over to Dawn's because we were going to some event...no idea, she was all dressed up and Jerry was there so I'm guessing it was for her son. Anyway, there were two other people there with us, don't know who they were, one might have been Melissa. Who they are makes no difference.

Right before heading out, we hid in Dawn's room from her son and passed around a joint. A few minutes later, after we let the smoke escape...then I went out to the living room and packed my stuff up (apparently I had spent the night) and as Jerry was packing the stuff into a car, Dawn went in some back room with me and one of the other random people to fix her shoe. We looked out the window and there were policemen in the garden. Dawn started freaking out about her carrots, as they trampled through and then started pulling up marijuana plants.

Dawn: Oh my god, I had no idea he was growing pot in my garden!
Me: I have no money for bail. We can't get arrested!
Dawn: Slip some money into your cleavage, you'll be fine.

They came up to the front door and waltzed right in and started interrogating us. They asked for my ID because I was the one who looked "the age of a pot grower." The dude tore it apart because he thought my town name was fake. Jerry was taken outside by another cop. Her son was taken to the police car. The random maybe Melissa girl went with her son. Leaving Dawn, me, and random guy in this room with one cop. Who looked us over and then said, "You two ladies can skip part one...You, however, boy, will get the worst spanking ever received by an individual."

Dearest Blog Readers, I apologize for what follows. You can skip the italics.

I raised my hand and said, "Um, if you don't mind, I'll go ahead and take that one for the team..."
Cop: Wait, seriously?
Me: Yeah.
Dawn: Stef, really?
Cop: Well then, get you skirt up and get over my knee.

So, I did. And I felt awkward only because Dawn was watching. He was putting his all into it, but it didn't hurt me at all, thus I wasn't making any sort of protest and it was pissing him off, so he just started using random objects to spank me. I finally just told him that he's not doing much but turning me on...and I'd really appreciate it if he would just finally cause some sort of pain. Finally, he was like "You want pain??? I'll give you pain!"

He flipped me over and whipped out his giant penis. And I'm not talking like "Oh, your penis is so big!" I mean like, when he hovered over me, it reached from the point of entry up to my head. Which is like, 2.5 feet or so. But then we had sex for awhile. Until finally he couldn't do much more. I mean, he did have a huge penis and we couldn't even touch our bodies...

So then we're done and he gets up to leave, telling us that we are all off the hook, but that Jerry guy is about to get his ass arrested. We go outside to see everything and this creeper guy comes out of a trailer with a giant fan-gun. (a gun that shoots things and then blows it out. such as glitter or...in this case, pot) It starts shooting pot chunks at all the cops and we are eventually all covered in mass amounts of pot.

The end.

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