Tuesday, November 30, 2010

About an hour ago I woke up from a dream.

I had been visiting someone and got parked in, so we had to lift my car and move it out of the spot, but once I got it out, I decided to hang out a little longer. So I parked it on the other side of the street. I went into the house that I parked it at, which happened to be my old house (in real life) and when I got inside, there was a man standing there who told me that I was going to be late for school if I didn't hurry. So I was rushing around and then the guy came back into the kitchen, carrying something. He asked me to go outside with him, so I did and he set the thing he was carrying down. It was a baby orangutan.

He played around in the mud a little bit, getting his clothes really dirty, and then the guy was like "Oh crap. Take him inside and get to school." He rushed away, so I took the little baby inside and he kept squeezing my finger like human babies do. I set him down and thought, I can't let him just sit here all muddy, so I gave him a bath in the sink. And then I took him upstairs and put him in fresh clean clothes. I decided to go ahead and blow off school since I was really late already and every time I put him down to play, he crawled back up in to my arms.

The end. I woke up thinking that this either means I want a child...OR more likely, I really need to stop denying that I'm doing everything I want and that I'm ok with my current situation, and go do what I really want. But I'm too scared to do that. So I guess I will continue to kiss ass and pretend like everything is okay with the world. And be unhappy forever. Or get pregnant.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

oh retail...

Yesterday a customer came in and asked me a question. I had no idea what the hell he was talking about, and knew that no one in the store would know the answer. However, this is what happened.

"I actually have no idea. But, I could get an EasyTech for you. He might be able to help."
"That is the most honest answer I have ever heard from a store like this. And I want to thank you for not bullshitting with me about an answer."
"Oh. Well, you're welcome?"
"No really. I appreciate it. Most people just go on and on in circles making stuff up."

Huh. Usually when I tell people that I don't know the answer to their obscure questions that they could've googled and saved themselves not only the time to drive out there, but also the gas and a headache, they get REALLY upset with me.

But like, really...Just because I work in a store that sells Quicken does not mean I know everything about Quicken. And just because we sell Coke products does not mean I am in control of Coke. Sorr.

Monday, November 22, 2010

The Truth Hurts Sometimes, Gals...

Last night I dreamt that I was a Golden Girl. We were sitting around telling "worst sex ever" stories, as they do sometimes. When it was my turn, I looked down at the table and tried to be ignored. They asked what was wrong and I said, "Bad sex? I've never had bad sex. I've never even had sex that I disliked slightly. It's all been good."

"Thanks for rubbing that in..."

Monday, November 15, 2010

I'm watching The Land Before Time (the first and only good one in this 97134 movie series) and its been about 3 minutes...and now I'm getting sad.

Sunday, November 14, 2010


"Every once in a while she would open her eyes, but the slightest second of eye contact made her feel embarrassed, like he could see into her soul. She sometimes felt like he could see how she really felt about everything and that her true feelings would scare him."

I realized today that I am projecting all over my novel's main character. She's becoming me. And it's terrifying to think that someone who reads it might know that it's me.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Naturally, I would have spent the last hour sitting in my car crying. I'm just so frustrated with everything right now. I need to vent. But the one person I want to vent with is so distant...

Monday, November 08, 2010

Oh November...

Things are so strange lately. I just don't even know what's going on.

I really do feel like my life isn't real sometimes.

Saturday, November 06, 2010

Ugh. My brain.

Sometimes I can overlook a situation and pretend like it hasn't affected me more than it has.

And then sometimes, like now, I don't even pretend to not care.

In other news, I am starting to become emotionally attached to someone new...not a boy or anything...but a friend and I know I'm just going to eff myself over in the end. I know this is happening because I dreamt about this person. And this dream was not hard to interpret in the slightest.