Thursday, August 19, 2010

Things on My Mind:

1. I am debating whether to sign up for another summer at the Outer Banks. I have been legitimately bored this entire trip. And when we did the one thing that I wanted to do, at least one person complained the whole time. And unless it is in a sexual way, I hate being controlled. It seems like what and when and where I eat is at the mercy of one person. I don't like being told that I am strange because I don't want to sit on the beach and get all salty and sweaty and nasty instead of doing things on vacation. All I do at home is sit at home in my hot house and stare into space. I don't want to do that now. I don't want to do everything as a fucking group in our matching shirts. I don't want to eat at the same fucking restaurants that we do every time we come here. I would honestly rather eat a mother fucking Big Mac, that you can get anywhere, than go to the restaurant we are going to tonight. But if I don't go, then I'm an asshole and being whiny. I don't like their food, and with there being 14 of us, they shove us places. I sat in the corner last time we went...I had to wait for at least 4 other people to get up before I could walk to the buffet.

2. I miss K. It's disgusting how much I don't want to be in love because it's so hard for me to be just 12 minutes away from him, let alone 12 hours.

3. The other day I was in the bathroom trying to keep some of my stomach lining from being purged and I just started crying. I ended up in the fetal position mouthing the phrase "I want to go home" over and over. I couldn't even make any noise because I was crying so hard. I don't remember ever falling apart so roughly. I'm sure it was a mixture of my diet of Pepto and water for the prior 6 hours, the fact that no one in this family can be nice for more than 5 minutes, and my intense desire to spend time with K with no one else around.

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