Saturday, July 03, 2010

Fack.

I am currently living in a time where I don't know what will come next. Yes, I will wake up Tuesdays, Fridays & Saturdays (almost weekly), put on my red shirt made from the fabric from hell, and drive the 30-40 minutes to work. (How 12 miles takes that much time is beyond me...)

When I started writing this post yesterday, I was upset. I am upset again. I honestly just wonder what I'm going to do tomorrow, constantly. Am I going to wake up? Am I going to be able to be with the person who makes me happy? Am I going to tell someone exactly how I feel? Am I going to quit my job? Am I going to die? These are all legit concerns for me right now. But mostly the second one. I never know what will happen...

Like last night, I was going to go to bed at like 7, and I called K to see if he had any "plans." When he didn't answer I gave up on everything and sat upset for hours. Finally, I got word that he was still at the neighbor's and if I told you I didn't speed my little ass up to see him, I'd be lying. But then he told me to come over. And everything was fine. Until this morning, when I had to leave. I don't like not being together.

Also last night, the tension between people is fucking ridiculous. I can't wait for shit to hit the fan. I hope I am there. And I hope I am drunk. Because I have been calmly sitting by, watching everyone else talk shit on everyone else, lie through their fucking teeth, backstab, and just be complete fucking assholes to everyone else...And I'll be damned if I'm going to just sit back and watch people lie to each other, twist stories, and be assholes. I will fucking say something and they will not be happy. And I don't fucking care.

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