Saturday, July 31, 2010

You know that tendon thing that connects your pointer finger to your wrist? Well, slightly embarrassing story time! Mine hurts like holy shit. And I wish I could say it's from fighting off ninjas in the dead of night or defending my homestead from the skunk that frequents the porch like it's some sort of night club hot spot. Because those make me sound cool and badass. But in reality, it is from sex. Yes...sex. And that, lady and gentleman, is the definition of out of shape. When you sprain your hand holding yourself up...

Friday, July 30, 2010

Two Things:

1. Things that piss me off more than you can even begin to imagine:
  • paper cuts
  • being behind someone slow in a store with no way around/past
  • waiting for something to happen that never will (ie: my zookeeper career)
  • Purell.
But most importantly: That FUCKING fly that insists on landing on your lip/ear/eyelid/nose ring/cheek right at that moment when you are about to fall asleep. Your body knows it. "Oh, you're about to enter heaven dreamland of magic," and that asshole comes along and thinks "OMG! Prime real estate to shit or do whatever it is that us flies do!"

2. Today around 6:30 am, I got in my car and drove home. I left my bottles of whiskey & rum in the car because they will come in handy tomorrow night. Well, today around 5:00 pm, I get in my car to buy lottery tickets for K. It smells like rubbing alcohol that has been shat out by a water boar. I look around, thinking, "It must just be because it's all hot and stuff." And upon further investigation...my whiskey bottle, which was corked a mere 11 hours earlier, is sitting nearly empty on my front seat sans cork. Yeah, note to group: when you have something like that in your car and the average temp of the week is 89, should prob 1. not keep it in the car, 2. put it in the trunk out of direct sunlight, 3. not be an idiot like me... Cause now I am out 20 dolla of high class 101 proof "get stef drunk as hell so she blacks out until the pictures surface on facebook" whiskey.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

It Continues

Still at Perkins. Still haven't slept. Breakfast in 3 hours. Should be a blast. I'm sure I'll just assume the moose head on the wall is looking at me. I think the devil is speaking to me from Christopher's computer. My c key still isn't working well. I hate having to type the same thing over and over trying to get the c into words. I was considering calling K in an hour or so and being like "OMG I haven't slept yet. I miss you. Love me. Kbye!"

I bought three DVDs today, because sometimes I randomly need to spend money in order to keep myself happy. I bought: The Reader, Miss Congeniality, and Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist. All on the clearance racks. It's fun.

Know what I want to talk about? My happiness. I honestly do not remember ever being this content with any relationship (friendships included). Like, I never want to be not with him. I just want to lie in bed or on the couch and be touching or spooning. Or we could be driving around talking. Or we can lie in the grass or on the pool deck. Or we could talk on the phone, but that isn't as good. But mostly I just like to smell him. That sounds odd, I know, but I really do like the way he smells. See? Do you see this? I'm turning into a girl...
I'm having an issue with this. Because...well, I've never been like this. I never wanted to just throw on some lacy shit and walk seductively into a bedroom before. And right now, I really want to.

Know what else I really want? A haircut. I got frizzies and fucking whatevers. And it's annoying. And it's getting long again...

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Now playing: Elton John - Your Song
via FoxyTunes

Oh My.

Sitting in Perkins! It's 2:34 am! WOOOOHOOO. Took a 5-hour energy shot!!!! I'm pretty sure that I'm never sleeping again.

Monday, July 26, 2010

And It's Only 11:50

Reasons why I shouldn't pull an all-nighter just for shits & giggles:

G chat convo: (side note - I can spell. but sometimes my "c" key does not work.)

Rae: hahahahahah
you are awesome
me: time to pee!
Rae: i need to sleep
Sent at 11:48 PM on Monday
me: FINE
hey, sleep bakwards is "peels"
that's fun
i have to go anyway
Rae: um yes
haha
me: SHUT UP DON"T JUDGE
Rae: ok peace out dawggg

Saturday, July 24, 2010

A Little Oppossum Goes A Long Way

You're right. It is now past Thursday and I am still employed by Staples. I like how I just blatantly pour out information that could potentially have me fired and I care about as much as I care about the main export of Trier, Germany. Meh. (Random interjection: There is a cricket on the floor of my bathroom, and at first I thought it was dead. But I reached down to touch it and it skittered away. And yes, I am blogging from the bathroom...but only cause it's the only room with a window and my house is hottttt.) Anywho, got my paycheck from job zwei. I don't think I ever mentioned what job two is, simply because I didn't realize it would be more than a two-day thing. Not that making an extra 100/week doing laundry is a bad thing...But really, I guess I'm considered a Personal Care Assistant and I can blog about whatever the hell I want with that job because what is my aunt gonna do? Fire me because I swear or because I'm dating a 41-year old or because I have an unhealthy obsession with Reba McEntire? I think not. Regardless of my ranting about hating my jobs...Basically I help my aunt (who has muscular dystrophy) with certain things like going to the bathroom, laundry, some dishes, vacuuming, etc, when her regular PCA is not able to make it in. And! Just looked at my paystub from said job, and realized I am making 15 cents more than I thought I would make. Which is 1.15 more than my job at Staples...Cause I'm a dumbass and couldn't figure out that $99/11 hours is not 8.85/hr. Wow.

Things I should be doing other than blogging:
Getting drunk (although I should always be doing that...)
Cleaning my room (no seriously...if you could see it)
Sleeping
Updating my calendar which hasn't been crossed off in July
Planning my vacation to The Outer Banks
Emailing my professors with an update on my life since I promised I would
Pretending that I didn't watch an "I didn't know I was pregnant" marathon...
Gathering laundry so that after my odd shift I can wash it at my mom's
Masturbating
(Random interjection 2: I just spent a good 15 minutes on some website reading articles that Melissa linked me to about bad advice from Cosmo/Men's Health. Things they suggest you do during sex that are awful.)
Hydrating
Reading my 1,004,425,243 books
Making a packing list for my Outer Banks trip
Wondering why the tag "insects" existed prior to this post

Also, WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS?


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Now playing: Alkaline Trio - Burn
via FoxyTunes

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Random Thoughts That I Could Make Full Entries If I Cared More

1. My feet hurt more than I could start to explain. This makes no sense. I did nothing different at work last night...If anything I did less work than I normally do. Maybe it was the booze last night, but I had no idea my feet hurt after work (Pause: did not drink at work. I came home and drank), but when I got up this morning, walking to the bathroom felt like torture. Not even being dramatic. I have never wanted a Hover-round more in my life than today. (Aside from the three days in high school when my back went out and I was forced to participate in weight training anyway...)

2. The headline: Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
I hope someone else finds this as freaking hilarious as I did/do. Again, may have been the booze, but I could not stop laughing when I read that. And I gave it another chuckle when I woke up this morning.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

If you truly believe in God, repost this! Please don't ignore, you are being tested. For it says in the Bible, "deny me in front of everyone, I will deny you in front of my father".....97% WON'T POST......will you? I TRULY BELIEVE IN GOD!!! HE IS AN AWESOME GOD!!! He never lets you fall!!
No offense, but I don't really see how not posting that on Facebook is me denying my faith in God. I'm not the type of person who has to tell everyone she knows that she believes in a God, especially since most people don't understand my way of thinking on the subject. And especially since there are so many judgmental people in my life when it comes to this sort of topic.

Das Staples: Tag 99

The saga of Das Staples continues. The following took place as if time were as it is in real life.

I had a dream last night that I went to get my hair cut and hot boss sent me a text message. And it said "Ross and I talked about your decision. What is stopping you?" So I tried texting her back, and it went over the 160 character limit so instead of sending two messages, it just cut the first letter off each word. And then the hair dresser put 4 other people in front of me in line and I was like "hold up! I have to work at 4!" so I just made an appointment for tomorrow because I am off.

So then i went and met with hot boss and we talked for awhile and she convinced me not to quit. And then we played a board game. But when I left the conversation I didn't feel like I had made any real choices.

Basically, what I got from this dream is that I should maybe wait until Thursday to make my final decision. Give myself a few more days to think it over. And as corny-sitcommy as this sounds, make a pro/con list and seriously weigh the issues of what to do.

Monday, July 19, 2010

well shit.

It's not even August and I already feel abandoned. This is why I stop talking to people. Why I stop writing on their facebooks, texting, etc. Because if I'm the one that stops communication then I'm not the one who was left...I'm the leaver. And I'd rather be the bitch who stopped talking to you than the one you wanted to stop talking to.

Also, I might be fired tomorrow because my fingers are stained green and yellow from tie-dying yesterday. Oh well. I can never tell if I should give two weeks notice or just keep working until things get way too out of hand and I end up exploding, having a break-down (Days Inn style) or throwing something, calling the boss the c-word and walking out. I have never done that last one...and I don't really intend to throw something, because let's face it...things sold at Staples are heavy and I don't need a lawsuit on top of all the bs that is going on in my life right now.

I applied at Home Depot & Radio Shack today...I tried the movie theater but they are not hiring. I guess I'll just add those to the list of places that don't want me. The list is getting quite long.

Oh, I should retro-actively explain why I might be fired/throw something/drop the c-bomb.
Are you sitting down? I didn't iron my shirt before work. What? I know. Who does? Well, after a quick survey of employees, no one. Also, there was ink on my shirt. Let me tell you something about the life of a cashier at Das Staples: at the end of the night, you sort ink and toner. Sometimes this ink gets on you.
I don't have a washer & dryer at home. I don't have more than one shirt (well, I do, but the other shirt is stained worst than this one. AND I have now told all THREE managers that I only have one shirt...yeah, you see how that panned out. Ain't got shit from them). I'm not going to buy an iron & ironing board for a job that I actually have no desire to be at anymore. And even if my c-boss finds my blog and fires me 2birds1blog style, then maybe I will be less suicidal. At the very least, I will no longer have to see that bitch's face again because she lives in a town 45 miles from me.

Friday, July 16, 2010

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I seriously almost just slit my wrists because it is so fucking hot. And my uniform is so fucking hot. And I'm crying. And have to leave for work. And CRYING.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

One time...

...I was driving up a hill towards a stop sign, and I hit my brakes. And they did not work, so I had a panic attack and let go of the wheel, but continued to slam on the brakes repeatedly until they worked. This caused me to swerve recklessly towards a large pick-up truck who didn't actually slow down or stop or anything, just watched me coming at him clearly out of control.

That sounds symbolic of my life, however, that was not just there for dramatic effect. I really did almost die today.

Sigh, I reveal one detail about K and the judging has begun. And it's the "Oh." type of judging. You know what I mean. Where they don't even comment audibly; they just look at you and you can tell they are thinking, "What is wrong with her?"

I sort of want there to be a thunderstorm. I think well during them. I am honestly thinking about going and sitting somewhere and hoping it rains on me. Or lightning strikes me. Either way, it would be a good ending to today.
Today marks my breaking point, I'm sure of it. It's awful when the first thing that happens when you wake up, is sheer frustration mixed with a bowl of nausea. Not to mention...four children, ages 7-11 are going to be in my care for 5 hours. God help them and me.

Friday, July 09, 2010

Random Thoughts

*K is having some strange effects on me. I just realized I haven't had underwear on all day. I also think about odd things now. Like working in a plastics factory (vomit) (also, that wasn't against people who do, there's just no way I could do it), buying a house, becoming a mother...WHAT? I know.

Lord knows that taking the pregnancy test the other day was about the most terrifying experience of my life. I was in a tornado three times (luv u midwest!), car accidents, college level chemistry...and peeing on a stick was the most terrifying experience. By the way...if my family reads this, they now know what goes on in my personal life. Sex left unprotected in the heat of the moment... But the good news is, that I am not pregnant. (And I guess bad news for them, since they only care about the people in this family with children and/or significant others.)

*I am 24 years old. I just danced in the rain, because I am THAT happy that it is no longer 93+ degrees.

*Dear God, please let me win Safety Bingo at work, because I need the bonus. Amen.

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Now playing: Regina Spektor - Apres Moi
via FoxyTunes
I hate when people get everything handed to them. Especially when people who actually work to get things get fucked over because of the people getting shit handed to them.

I can't wait til you get to the real world and realize that it is nothing like what you've become accustomed to.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

I Pray For Snow (My Now Playing is Wishful Thinking)

If this east coast heat wave doesn't break soon, I might. Good God it is hot. It's supposed to hit 89 today. And this is after three other days of 90+ temperatures. Tuesday it was 103 at one point. Now normally, this town reaches 90 once and then we move on. Yeah, no such thing as global warming...It hasn't rained in 9 days (according to the radio weather announcer...).

I had to take a shower today because walking to the bathroom from my bedroom to pee made me so incredibly sweaty, that my pants were stuck to me. I'm debating going to the pool at my mom's, but that would involve walking to my car, sitting in said heat-box for 15 minutes, and then walking to the pool. Yesterday I ate once - twice if you count the stale, out-dated peach-o's I ate while on break - because it was so freaking hot that I just lie in my bed and stared at the fan that is blowing cooler air at me. Note, not cold or even cool air, it's just less hot than the air around me.

On a completely unrelated note, a week ago Aaryn & I drove to Pittsburgh to go to the airport, and on the way back we stopped at a McDonald's to get iced coffees. I went to the register and said, "Hi. Could I have a small vanilla iced coffee and a small hazlenut iced coffee?" She starts pressing buttons and then looks at me, and says, "We don't have small ones. Only medium and large." I looked back at her, thinking 'She must know what I'm about to say...' but nothing happened so I said, "I want the smaller one. So, medium I guess." And she looked at me for a second again, and went on with her work. (Not to mention, she forgot what flavors I ordered. BTW, did you know, there are only two flavors...so even if she had given us one of each just trying to cover her shit, she would've been right.)

I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU to go to google.com and type in "define: medium." Go ahead, I'll wait....Back? If you look through all the other bullshit definitions, you will find:

average: around the middle of a scale of evaluation

Ok, So where I come from, to have a medium, you must have at least 1 smaller and at least 1 larger. So for me to say "Can I have a small iced coffee" when there are only two sizes was completely correct. And McDonald's sucks. That is basically what my point was.

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Now playing: Paramore - When It Rains
via FoxyTunes

Monday, July 05, 2010

My God I am fucking bored as shit. And I can't do anything because its fucking hot outside and inside. And moving makes me want to vomit. I'm pretty sure I couldn't even have sex right now because I would just die.

Sunday, July 04, 2010

A Dream of Independence

I had a very odd, yet on-topic for the day dream last night. It was Fourth of July and I was at some beach and the fireworks were going to start soon, but I needed to buy something. So my cousin Stacey, my dad and I were in line all buying stuff and the cashier was about the slowest thing since cold molasses. So Stacey goes first and the lady asks if she wants to enter a drawing to win money and she says "sure" and fills out the form and then I try to fill out the form, but it's like...ridiculous questions: How many ounces was your purchase today? Why did you purchase what you did? and other strange as shit questions. And I was like "I'm just rebuying my wallet..." So my dad starts to pay while we I am filling out my ticket to win $63,200 and I hear a firework go off. So I just write smiley faces for all the questions I didn't answer and start running with Stacey to the inlet where you can see the fireworks best.

As we're running, Betty White walks by and I try to ask if I can take our picture together, but Stacey won't let me stop. So we get to the inlet, and the finale has just ended and we're both kind of upset. So then we hear some crackling behind us and the entire beach turns to see some smoke and stuff and we get excited until the entire building (about a mile away) just explodes into a mushroom cloud. We all see flames and sparks and smoke pouring out and spreading across the sky so everyone starts running. An announcement (from like the lifeguard station) comes on and it says, "Everyone, this is not a firework or a drill. Please start running as fast as you can away from the explosion. Watch for falling pickles."

Even dream me is like "Wait, pickles? We are running from flaming pickles? What the hell?" But we run to the top of a hill, and naturally, I start taking pictures of the flames and pickles and stuff.

Saturday, July 03, 2010

Is this really what being in love is like? Cause if so, I hate it. I can't turn my mind off. I can't stop thinking about what happens when it's over. I can't stop thinking about what happens if it's never over. I'm going crazy.
I am freaking out and I have no idea why. But I seriously just want to go sit somewhere and cry.

Fack.

I am currently living in a time where I don't know what will come next. Yes, I will wake up Tuesdays, Fridays & Saturdays (almost weekly), put on my red shirt made from the fabric from hell, and drive the 30-40 minutes to work. (How 12 miles takes that much time is beyond me...)

When I started writing this post yesterday, I was upset. I am upset again. I honestly just wonder what I'm going to do tomorrow, constantly. Am I going to wake up? Am I going to be able to be with the person who makes me happy? Am I going to tell someone exactly how I feel? Am I going to quit my job? Am I going to die? These are all legit concerns for me right now. But mostly the second one. I never know what will happen...

Like last night, I was going to go to bed at like 7, and I called K to see if he had any "plans." When he didn't answer I gave up on everything and sat upset for hours. Finally, I got word that he was still at the neighbor's and if I told you I didn't speed my little ass up to see him, I'd be lying. But then he told me to come over. And everything was fine. Until this morning, when I had to leave. I don't like not being together.

Also last night, the tension between people is fucking ridiculous. I can't wait for shit to hit the fan. I hope I am there. And I hope I am drunk. Because I have been calmly sitting by, watching everyone else talk shit on everyone else, lie through their fucking teeth, backstab, and just be complete fucking assholes to everyone else...And I'll be damned if I'm going to just sit back and watch people lie to each other, twist stories, and be assholes. I will fucking say something and they will not be happy. And I don't fucking care.