Thursday, June 24, 2010

Twisting Texts & Lexing Out

Sometimes I get very stressed out and panicky and then I start dyslexia'ing. Like right now I am playing Text Twist, and I have been playing the same game since yesterday (I just pause and come back to it when I'm done working or eating or checking Frontierville, etc). But every few words I will try to type and it comes out all wrong. Pie becomes pei or ipe, and it is not just because I'm typing quickly. And then that makes me more stressed out and it gets worse and I hate circular shit.

And for once I can't find anything to blame this stress on. Sometimes I tell myself that it's work or lack of work or family or something stupid that someone said. But aside from the thunderstorm that I am trying not to hear by turning up my music, there isn't really anything stressful right now. I keep telling myself that I'm not falling in love. I don't love him. But I'm finding myself always wondering what he's doing or if he is thinking about me at the same time. And what if I do love him? I can't tell him; that would be awful. Well, I can't commit to someone that wholly yet, especially someone like him who won't commit back for the next couple years. And that is making it worse because I like to want things I can't have. And I can't tell my family about this. Judgment is a common thing in this family. And I know I shouldn't care what they think, as long as I am happy. But I can't help but rely on approval from people I have always been around. We are too close of a family for me to just cut them out because I know they won't approve of the person I want to be with.

And now I'm "lexing out" as I will from here on out refer to it as.

ps: there was apparently an earthquake today. didn't feel a thing, but heard reports from others on the same street as me
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Now playing: The Alter Boys - Where Have You Gone
via FoxyTunes

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