Saturday, May 15, 2010

My Anti-Consumerist Childhood

I feel like this will be an odd post. So...you've been warned.

I was sitting here, trying to make my DDDs fit into a DD bra and for some reason I thought of My Size Barbie.


Why? Because no one is the same size as MySize Barbie. "Oh, you can just wear her princess dress!" No. And do you know why? I don't either. I was not a chubby child. I was quite thin. Maybe I was too tall? I have no idea. As you can see, I didn't have any strange deformities, hell, I think I might even be smaller than the girl in the picture with Barbie.

BUT. The worst part about MySize Barbie...is that I never even got one. Yup, I was one of those kids that really really wanted one, and never got one. Thank God though. Cause can you imagine waking up in the middle of the night to THAT staring at you? When I was in Virginia, my cousin's child's Elmo went off in the middle of the night and I woke up to it looking at me and moving. When I was like 6, my mom had this witch doll hanging in my room and it terrified me. It was probably only 1/3 the size of Barbie. I did have a MySize BigBird from Sesame Street though. Clearly, my parents knew what they were doing. Were my friends all getting them and I was just jealous? No. Why? Because until age 12, I didn't really have any friends. Yeah, depressing right?

On the topic of toys I never got that I really wanted...Ribbon Dancer. Seriously, I would make my own "ribbon dancer" (read: toilet paper tied onto a stick) and run around doing all the fun things from the commercial. And they were fun...for 3 minutes, because that's how long it takes toilet paper to rip off a stick.

And even a third toy from the late 80s/early 90s that never made it into my toy chest: that set of three sticks where you kinda bounced one in between the other two. (yes that is my description..if you don't like it, figure out the real name for me and let me know). My God, if you thought Little Stef running around with toilet paper and Big Bird was depressing. Wait til you hear about my stick playset. Honestly, I had no idea how to do this stick trick thing, so I just held a stick in each hand and flipped a stick around in between them. Usually ending in me getting upset that it was nothing like the commercial and throwing them into the woods. (That sounds overly dramatic and made up. But I really did live in front of a small forest and would go in on a regular basis...usually to collect said sticks and then throw them back.)

But do you know what I did have? A MUTHEREFFING SNOOPY SNO CONE MACHINE.----------------
Now playing: Martina McBride - Love Land
via FoxyTunes

1 comment:

yellowpansy15 said...

DEVIL STICKS! THEY WERE CALLED DEVIL STICKS. THANK YOU GOOGLE!