Tuesday, April 06, 2010

UGH pt. 2

~If I were a filing cabinet, I would not only be one of those that stick and you have to force open, but also a jumbled mess of empty promises, unfinished thoughts, broken friendships, blatant lies and shit.

~I have an unhealthy obsession with cows. Well I guess it's not that unhealthy since I don't have a sexual attraction to them. But really, they are probably my favorite domesticated animal. Lies. Goats are. A minor detail. I secretly wish the neighbors would get more (they have 2) so I can play with them. I love when they escape and lick my hands. I love cows. There, I said it. I love the seemingly blank stares they have when you try to convince them that breaking out of their fence was a stupid thing.

~I am currently blogging from my porch. There is a giant cardboard tube next to me to beat off the wood bees. I normally would not be in the habit of killing such harmless creatures if I did not live in log cabin. If you couldn't tell by the name, wood bees eat wood. Thus, they drill little holes in our house and slowly consume it. No me gusta. (I don't even know if that is right. I took French & German...) They are either fighting or mating. Either way they are flying near my head in loudly buzzing clumps. I do not enjoy this especially after an incident that occurred roughly 4 minutes ago. One got stuck in my hair. Stuck. In. My. Hair.

~I think my back is getting sunburnt right now, but my battery has about 50 minutes left and quite frankly blasting awful music from my porch in the 85 degree weather is too enjoyable for me to care. I'll just get some aloe. This particular bullet made me think back to the chapter in my German book about the beach. Sonnenbrand. Ah, German, how I miss thee.

~So, every time I find someone I am sexually attracted to (cows aside), it ends up in the "shit" folder of the filing cabinet that is me. Oh sorry you like me, but I think you should kill yourself. Oh sorry, but I'm married. (x2, don't judge). And I'm thinking this latest one needs to get his divorce papers all signed and shit so she can get the fuck out the picture with her new husband (I shit you not, she is already engaged and they are still married)
. I promise to be a great step-mother for the time that we are getting it on. And hey, if he wants to go to Amsterdam & Greece with me next year, I'll totally join the mile high club. It's more of a question of "when?" than anything else.

~I thought I missed Knox. Really I just miss having lots of friends around.

Now playing: Ani DiFranco - Rock Paper Scissors
via FoxyTunes

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