Thursday, April 22, 2010

Summer Camps Are Evil

This is why I will never send my children to camp...

So I had this dream last night. It's a little foggy, but from what I can remember...

It starts out that a murder rampage at a camp has just ended. (Duh.) And the survivor was telling the story of how she survived and this guy (who had died I guess? it made it sound like it by the way she told this story) was like "I don't understand why I didn't make it." Her reply was, "Because you didn't pray like me."

And then, everyone disappeared except the survivor and her sister (that's me!) appeared. We started walking down the hall of the camp's dining hall when a HUGE gust of wind comes. And not like, "oh man, that was one huge gust of wind" but more like "damn, why are we all of a sudden in a wind tunnel." And the wind was so strong that my sister started flying away down the hall and grabbed onto the door frame and started screaming at me to pray. And then...

"NO! Don't take me. God, please don't let it take me! I can't go back to the Mickey Mouse club!"

(Now, if you want to stop I completely understand, but there's not much left. Cause what the hell? The Mickey Mouse club is stealing children/teenagers? Yes. Yes they are.)

Ok, so she disappears through the door frame like a tornado just sucked her out (that's what she said? maybe) and I'm left standing in the mess hall staring out the window at the lake, wide-eyed. There is a giant boulder near the shore. And on this boulder. Is a fat man...dressed like Mickey Mouse, dancing. Dancing one of those knee-slapping jig type dances.

And then it all hits me. "Of course! I remember now. The Mickey Mouse club takes the kids, molests and tortures them, and then uses brainwashing to erase it from their memories! This is a camp for them so they can finally kill them!"

I realize I said this aloud, but the fat Mickey, who is like 50 yards away and outside...hears me and turns to look at me. And we made eye contact. And like a movie, it zooms in on his face and he gives a creepy smile that implies he will murder me next. (Why next, I don't know. I am literally the only other person at the camp.)

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