Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I want to wash my car.

The person who was "training" me yesterday gave me a panic attack. That's always fun. (I use quotes because she was just supposed to like, watch me and then help me when things get strange or someone does something that isn't basic. However, if she would've said 'customer service' one more time I would've probably punched her on my way to call my manager and tell her I quit.) But I love the person who hired me and would probably just fall apart when apologizing for my lack of strength. I can't even work in an office supplies store without my anxiety reaching a level higher than Mount St. Helens.

I went out with Mandy to celebrate a birthday and on my ride home, I just had possibly the worst driving meltdown I've ever had. And that happens a lot with me. It was dark, so it was already hard to see, but when you're crying violently vision is impaired greatly. Maybe violently isn't the word for it...but it was intense and I punched the door a few times. So maybe it was violent. I don't know. Sometimes when these happen I pretend like I'm talking to the person that caused the meltdown. Most of the things I said last night would make no sense out of context, and there's no way I would ever share the whole thing; but some of the most commonly used phrases were, "I'm sorry," "It's not my fault," and "Fuck."

There are two people I had a conversation with: K and my manager. I'm not upset at my manager, because if you recall I love her. I was practicing my apology speech for quitting so soon after being hired. Which I will never give...
And I'm not upset with K; that would just be ludacris (spelling error intentional...ish). I just need to tell him things that are going to ruin everything that we have now. Which I mean, is completely fine as I can find some other scruffy guy to be attracted to. I just don't want to find another one.
If only I had a Ginny again.

I was sitting here listening to my iTunes cause our cable is STILL off and its driving me crazy - if I had money I would pay the reconnect fee (alas, I have not been paid yet...but I think they come in tomorrow?); wow what a side bar - and it seemed every song that came up was telling me what I should be doing with my emotions. Let me quote some.
  • If you love him, take a tip from me...Show him you're hot stuff (or it could be "your hot stuff" but either way...)
  • I wanna unbutton your pants just a lil bit. (fitty cent reprazent)
  • Here I am and I want to take a hit of your scent cause it bit so deep into my soul; I want you
Mostly that last one. I mean, the song is called "I Want You" and I'm going to see Third Eye Blind with the person that I want. It's fate.

Remember that time I was attracted to someone else? And it started out somewhat like this one? Only douche started hitting me randomly? And telling me how stupid I was? Yeah...I have this nagging feeling that this will turn out similarly. But I'm pretty sure that the signs point to it not happening. But you know, once bitten twice shy. So if it were a venn diagram of their similarities...OH MAN. I'm going to make one and post it. Because I'm weird like that.

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Now playing: Atmosphere - Fuck You Lucy
via FoxyTunes

1 comment:

yellowpansy15 said...

OK, so no venn diagram because finding one online is like stabbing your eyes out repeatedly. I hope you understand.