Monday, April 05, 2010

I feel like sometimes my dream self isn't even good at trying to hide what my unconscious is saying. Like, in my dream last night I got home in time to see someone pulling out of the driveway and parking across the street at her business. The other people in the apartment were like "She was looking for you. Sucks that you just missed her." Now, I could've just walked across the street, but instead I stood in the window watching her not know I was around. And then I finally put on my jacket to walk over there and when I got down the stairs and to the door her car was gone. And I was extremely sad and pissed at myself.

I can't tell if it is my experience with Tim & his dream magic or not but the sheer obviousness of what this dream is makes me depressed as hell in my waking life. Is it because of my past with the woman in the dream? I want to know why she was looking for me. I spent countless moments of my waking life looking for her. In stores, on the street, the internet, on campus...just to tell her something that I was too afraid to tell her when I was actually with her. (Ok, side note: I'm not a stalker.)

My brain should just one night be like "Ok, so. I know you need her, but she's gone. So fucking find someone else." That would be the whole dream. Just a talking brain. And a depressed me standing mouth agape as the brain fades away slowly.

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