Thursday, January 14, 2010

Long & Confusing (That's What She Said)

Ok, so I know that my dreams are usually long. But this one litrally (said like Rachel Zoe, I know how to spell) lasted through my entire five cycles of sleep. And for some ungodly reason, when I woke up I knew what it meant and THAT peeps, is what terrifies me. I will condense for your reading pleasure. PS: I have a post-it with notes, cause its that effed up.

Scene 1: I am running through a swamp trying to get to Flunk Day, avoiding the crocodiles. I come across a boat yard, but all the boats either deflate or need a key. Meanwhile, some people (probably the cops - just wait for scene 2) are chasing me, and I have to beat them to Knox in order to live. I meet up with some guy, and there is a house that we break into cause we need dry clothes. Naturally, my first choice for dry clothes is an evening gown and a bra. Well, we are about to walk out the front door, when the owners come in. So we rush to the kid's room and get out the window, but they saw us carrying clothes on hangers and they shout some shit at us. We get away.

Scene 2: A jail cell with six people - a guy, two women, a guy with a gun & a drill, my mom & my dad. There is a balcony (?). Suddenly, the warden brings in a seventh, and that is me. Apparently I didn't want to live without my parents, so I got myself thrown in jail (the how and why comes later...its a doozy though). As soon as the warden leaves, the guy with a drill sends my dad and other useless guy onto the balcony and hands the drill and gun to me. "You know what to do." And even though I have only been there for .7 seconds, I know that I am supposed to take the screws out of the cell door, and if my dad comes back in from the balcony, shoot him between his eyes...cause we are planning the best prison break ever. So, there are some close calls and everything, but my mom finally says "You can't have a daughter kill her father...Give me the gun." But she shoots herself instead. The drill man is pissed, as am I, but she winks at me, and the other two women are like "We'll dispose of her body!" and wink at me too. So, while drill guy is doing whatever, we manage to take the hammock (?) and drape it over the balcony, which is where we will store my mother until the men get out...So, instead of putting her in the hammock and then lowering it, they are going to drop her in. And they miss. And she falls stories down through trees. Right before the inevitable, I say "I love you!" really dramatically and we hear a cartoon thump as she hits the ground.

Scene 3: I have dyed my hair black, I have a baby (baby = anyone under three), and I have escaped jail - after a comical chase through a large city by a guy in a lab coat claiming to be a doctor, who was actually some other prisoner that wanted me back so he could kill me. (I, too, wish there were transitions in this dream. Also, notice I did not say I have MY baby.) So, there are two other adults with me, and another baby. The boy baby gets scared by something and is like "Went poo" and asks me to change his diaper and not his mom. So I take the boy into the bathroom and he's on that changing table thing, but mom keeps trying to take him away from me. And so, she's pulling on his head, and its squishing and contorting, like silly putty. And she finally says something about how I win and she leaves the girl baby in the bathroom with me. Then these two girls, maybe 8 & 12, come into the bathroom and go into the stall next to me, but don't close the door. (ok, honestly this section is only put here because it is just has nothing to do with the progression of the dream in any way.) One strips down and they both sit on the floor and roll a joint. "Why did you get naked to smoke a joint?" "So my clothes won't smell like pot. Duh." "Um, but they're still in the stall with you." "God, just shut up and take care of that nasty smelling diaper." Then I leave the bathroom. TWIST!(*@&#!*(!!! The boy is actually mine...and the girl is the other woman's. But she was jealous that I had a boy, so she traded them. What.

We're standing around, me, my kids, and some lady (because other mom has run away) and I spot the warden from scene 2. I start to panic, and the lady is like "So, what the hell is wrong with you?" "Um, so I used to be in jail. But I escaped." "What did you do that got you thrown in that jail?" "I stole a bag of chips from the gas station." "Are you serious?" "Yeah, but I had that one judge who was on SVU, who puts kids in max. security prisons cause she gets a cut..."

Scene 4: I'm in a car with my two children...driving down a long, straight, & boring (that's what she said!) road. It has been what seems like forever, when things start to look familiar. I realize I am in Galesburg, and I'm on the road that curves around by GDH. I came to the stop sign, looked around at all the kids walking from classes being let out, and thought "She's in there. Between classes. I could go in. Just say hello." And then I went through the intersection and kept driving away. Das Ende.

And let me tell you, fuck you unconscious. I know what you're trying to tell me. I know what you want from me...But shut up.

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