Thursday, January 28, 2010

faaack

I like when my temperature is so high that the screen needs to use four digits, instead of just three.

Also, pretty sure my throat is slowly swelling shut.

< untitled >

I realized that I started my blog six years ago (in June). I went back through reading entries from 2004 and decided that I am better than I was then. Better emotionally, although not as better as I would want.

My throat kinda hurts and I've been coughing a lot. Getting sick right now would sadden me, as OTC medicines are way too expensive and going to a doctor is completely out of the question. I should sue the heater part company, because it has been over three weeks since we ordered our motor. It has yet to come. Our house is fucking cold.

I keep a picture of my two grandmas in a frame on my desk. I am in the background. I don't remember this visit, but they both look so happy. I wish I could see my German grandma more often than every 4-6 years. It will probably be the most devastating thing when she dies. I started crying just now thinking about it. I will refrain from posting the rest of that thought.

I need a Halloween costume by Saturday, unless I am too sick to go to the party. I wanted to be Pam from the office, but I can't wear button up shirts (as my breasts just bust out...) and I own none. I could borrow a cardigan, but I also have no khaki shirt. Or Keds. Or a small trophy so I could be Pam on The Dundees. Sigh...

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Fuck this Country

I like that the US's answer to the lack of health care is to have insurance at ONLY $3/day.

If I could afford $3/day, I wouldn't have a problem with not having insurance.

Stupid Knee

Sometime around the 5th week of winter term when I was in Conditioning & Learning (2008?), I was walking to the cafeteria with Seth, when I fell on the ice. On the way back from the cafeteria I fell on the ice AGAIN. Same knee. After a week, the bruising did not go away, the swelling was getting worse, and I could feel a piece of my knee cap floating around in there - I went to the health clinic.

He told me I fractured my knee cap, but it was probably nothing too bad. Ibuprofen would take down the swelling and alleviate the pain. He also said that I should walk/exercise my knee so it wouldn't hurt. Well, that's a wonderful suggestion, if I could make it to the bathroom of my house without being in pain. It has been almost exactly two years since I fell. I just had to rub a pain relieving cream all over it and keep it stretched out because bending it is probably the worst pain. I can't walk to make it stronger because it hurts too badly when walking. It hurts hitting the gas pedal sometimes.

I really wish this was not occurring right now. And I don't know what to do about it. Ice would help swelling, but its not swollen. Heat helps muscles, but its not the muscle. Gah.

And yes, that little piece of my knee, still floating around in there. Gives me the creeps when I feel it and remember. Also, the extreme popping of my knee when it tries to fix itself is so pleasant. Only thing more pleasant would be the sound of the bone just breaking in half.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Sigh,

Everyone usually says, "Well, what would make you happy?" And my reply, which is almost always completely honest, is usually, "I don't know," or a variation.

Side note. I just looked into Habitat for Humanity. I would have to move - very far - if I wanted a paying job. And not as far if I were to just volunteer. The problem is, while I enjoy the idea of volunteering, I still have bills to pay. End side note.

I really don't know what would make me happy. I mean, the following things would: being out of debt, being in a relationship, being thinner/having less breast, a puppy, having a heater that worked - but they wouldn't really make me happy.

I don't know why I majored in biology. That was a flat out lie. I majored because I hated a professor of a required class for Environmental Studies, and liked the bio department, but I didn't get any enjoyment out of the actual classes...aside from Animal Behavior & Physiology. I don't know why I majored in psychology. That was a flat out lie also. I chose it because my friends were doing it, several professors were eye-candy, and I had no idea what I wanted to do. Had I known that I loved (and fucking succeeded like crazy) at German, I would've taken it earlier in life (and don't forget that eye-candy thing...heh). I really don't care about apoptosis or the anatomy of a lamprey. I really do not care about Maslow, Freud, or Horney.

All through high school people asked me what I wanted to be as an adult. And, I didn't know. I still don't know. Only, I'm already here. To be completely honest (which is terrifying), I didn't even expect to be alive right now. I didn't even expect to live to graduation. I don't know whether to thank the people who kept me going or be pissed at them. Because now I'm stuck in purgatory. I have two degrees that I would be fine not having. I have $20,000 debt that I would be more than happy to not have. No, I don't think that college was worth the stress. The only things I took from college are the friends and being able to speak with my grandparents in Germany.

Which brings me to another thought (cause this depression fueled post wasn't long enough already): friends. (This does not apply to everyone.) Now that I don't see people everyday or every other day, hardly anyone talks to me. It's like they were obligated to like me because I lived near them or because we had class together. I'm afraid that if I deleted my Facebook no one would ask how I was or even notice that I wasn't on there. I realize people move on, and blah blah, but...grr, I wish I could express myself without sounding like a bitch.

There is so much more I want to say, but I don't know how to say it. I just really don't want to be where I am. Physically, emotionally, every which way.

----------------
Now playing: Sarah McLachlan - Angel
via FoxyTunes

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I'm shaking...

Sometimes my body shakes. Like I'm having a mini seizure. But it's really nothing like a seizure in the sense that I worry for my health - I smell or taste nothing funny, I don't have deja or jamais vu. I don't really have any seizure symptoms other than muscle twitching. I think I just have some nerves that get a little unhappy every once in awhile. Mostly the muscles that shake are my arms and my upper back (shoulder area). Also, maybe they are tired and they don't want to work anymore. I can't tell. Or maybe right now I am just shivering.

I just know that trying to fall asleep when your arms are twitching uncontrollably is really quite distracting.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Gah.

Omg, what the hell is wrong with me? My room is literally a giant pile of filth (ok, so there is some trash on the floor and clothes & magazines are everywhere) and I really don't care. I picked up three pieces of garbage, and stacked 3 magazines and I could care less if the rest gets done. I don't want to eat or use a computer or watch tv or clean. It doesn't even seem to faze me that Morgan is coming to visit soon. I just really don't have any motivation to clean. I honestly just want to lie in bed and do nothing. I don't even want to sleep, really. I just want to lie there. Either that or go to a doctor. But I guess we'll cross that road when my monthly income is more than negative $50.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Another Reason to Not See Avatar

Aside from the unoriginal story line, the obvious message, and how I could care less about this movie in any way....It's now killing people.

http://www.geekologie.com/2010/01/avatar_claims_first_victim_mor.php

My 400th Post...

I feel like my 400th post should be about something of more worth...

Regardless, I'm sick of hearing about Haiti. For several reasons.
1. I have no money to help them. Literally.

2. Having a commercial every 4o seconds is not raising awareness. It is making people want to mute their TVs, change the channel, care less, etc. I have heard this from several different people, it is not just my own feelings.

3. If every person begging for aid (ie: NFL players, celebrities, rich people, etc) donated their own excess of money instead of asking people who don't have a spare $100,000 lying around then the clean up could be done within a week. Seriously: Peyton Manning* signed a 7 year contract in March, 2004 for a reported 99.2 million dollars. That would put his average salary at a little over $14 million dollars. Compare this to: America has the highest income per capita of any nation on earth; it clocks in at around $45,000 annually.

I rest my case. *In case you don't know, Peyton Manning is the quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

I'm drunk, thus amusing.

So, perhaps starting shots of whiskey at 2:34 am is a bad idea. But I am in a much better mood then before I started drinking. I was literally having a quarter life crisis before I busted out the whiskey.

Also, I miss nearly everyone from Knox College. I loved that school regardless of how much shit I talked. Like, if I could donate money to that shit, more than the $10 I gave to German Club, I would....well, only to Alumni Hall to have it named after me or German Club. Cause I loved German club. I wish I could post a note with that $10 that said, "Thanks for giving me great friends and memories."

Even though there was a deathly spider in my tent when we went camping. And even though I went the wrong way down a one-way street in Davenport. And even though speaking in front of a class was terribly terrible. I loved my German class. I love you people...except Owen, let's be serious here. And I'm drunk, so I am incapable of lying. (ps: Owen, if you read this, which you might, cause you're kinda creepy: I did not appreciate the endless gazes at my breasts...Also, you wore the exact same outfit everyday for three terms. That's thirty weeks of the exact same hoodie/jean/sneaker combo...seriously dude?)

Who knew having a bottle of Jack Daniels and a bottle of Wild Turkey (101 proof) would come in so handy?

No, but more seriously. What can I say about a place like that? People like S-dawg (Sonja) and Tim & Ginny getting me through so many emotional crises. Classes like German and Theories of Personality that introduced me to such wonderful peeps. I miss the following non-SF people so much, it's ridic (in no order): Timmy, Tasha, Amelia, Ellen, Julia, Anna, Morgan, Maddi, Kleine Sonja, Lisa, and I will feel bad if I forgot someone. Oh right, Sonja, Tim, Judy, Heather, Frank, Stuart, Ginny, Jennifer, and OF COURSE: TKE!

And fucking Sigma Frye. Let me tell you about this shit. I have never met a bunch of greater people in my life. And I've lived in many places, including other countries! (Ok, so I was 2 when I lived in Germany, don't hate). I loved every McDonald's breakfast run, ER marathon (clearly only the seasons with lesbians), Project Runway/Top Chef/America's Next Top Model viewing party, punch pong, frat party, gallons of vodka/rum/whiskey, random trips to Target, hanging out in the psych lounge, zoo trips (and Hooters!), picking pumpkins, seeing wildlife in the prairie, psychology department party, impromptu lunch dates, etc. The list goes on and on. You truly saved me from certain destruction. I love you guys. And wish that it never had to end. We partied til the end. And even moving out of the Fun Zone was hard to do. Cause it meant the end of the Fun Zone. I will get the tattoo someday. When I have enough money to pay my bills, eat, AND get a sweet tat.

ps: i have this like unhealthy obsession with Reba McEntire right now. I watch her show like 4 times a day and whenever I'm in the car I listen to the song at the end of this post.
----------------
Now playing: Reba McEntire - Consider Me Gone
via FoxyTunes

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Oh my Jesus, so bored.

I hate having nothing to do. Seriously, I'm sitting at my computer staring at it.

Things I could be doing (but would make me feel like I still have nothing to do): Clean my room. Finish this application for a job that will make me suicidal. Laundry (at mom's...). Scanning German magazines for my cousin. Finishing my crocheted lemur. Sleeping.

Stop. Asking. Me.

While I appreciate everyone's assumptions that I would have enough money to donate "even the smallest amount" to help Haiti, I can not.

Living at the government established poverty line, is just one sign that I can not help them. My father & I barely have enough money to buy groceries and fuel to heat our house.

Also, the 40 cents I found in my pocket the other day will not do a damn thing.

Friday, January 15, 2010

-untitled-

I was going through my dream posts and realized that I forgot to post about the dream that had Dolly Parton as a special guest.

I'm next door at my Aunt's house for a party hosted by my cousin. But her name is different and she is being a huge bitch. My cousin is not a huge bitch in real-life. Anyway, she was having this party with all her stupid annoying friends (quite literally they were stupid) and my friend Kristi was there. (Pause: have not talked to this person in years. Like, I don't even know if I spoke to her at anytime while I was at Knox aside from a brief encounter at her work...) But, we are over at the fire pit just chillin, when I notice that the fire is spreading at an alarming rate.

The dog cage is relatively close to the pit, but nothing usually dangerous, and in the dream it is filled with dead leaves and some withering plants (not unlike withered rice on Farmville...) and they catch fire. And the fire is spreading through Miley's cage (hey, its not my dog...) and my cousin and her friends are ignoring it. So, I let Miley out and I go up to the house, because they have moved inside and my cousin turns to me, "Why did you let the dog out? That was fucking stupid." "Um, her cage was on fire. What is wrong with you?" "I only invited you to this party because you never come to anything we have and I didn't think you would show up..." "Why are you being such a bitch?"

Then, y'all...This woman sitting in a rocking chair looks over at me and says, "Stop being so mean to your cousin." I was like "Um, she was going to let her dog burn to death..." Then I realize that she is Dolly Parton, only she looks about 120 years old, cause her face is all wrinkled and shit. So I go next door to my house and tell my dad to go over there and straighten them out, cause even Dolly is on their side. And then I go to my back door (which you can't open from the outside in real life) and Kristi and I go inside. And then to get to my bedroom, we crawled through the fridge.

Blah.

Just got home from Melissa's. I think I'm allergic to something in my house because I had a really bad headache before I left, but it went away after being out of the house for like half an hour. We watched Project Runway (go Anthony!) and talked about how horrible the English dept. at MASH was. It was fun. Heidi Klum is so hot. Even when she's pregnant. (And yes, I am implying that pregnant women are usually not hot. Just saying.)

Now I'm wired though. I feel like I should do something productive. Like anything that was on my list of things to accomplish this week. Maybe I will replace my garbage bag. That's something right?

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Long & Confusing (That's What She Said)

Ok, so I know that my dreams are usually long. But this one litrally (said like Rachel Zoe, I know how to spell) lasted through my entire five cycles of sleep. And for some ungodly reason, when I woke up I knew what it meant and THAT peeps, is what terrifies me. I will condense for your reading pleasure. PS: I have a post-it with notes, cause its that effed up.

Scene 1: I am running through a swamp trying to get to Flunk Day, avoiding the crocodiles. I come across a boat yard, but all the boats either deflate or need a key. Meanwhile, some people (probably the cops - just wait for scene 2) are chasing me, and I have to beat them to Knox in order to live. I meet up with some guy, and there is a house that we break into cause we need dry clothes. Naturally, my first choice for dry clothes is an evening gown and a bra. Well, we are about to walk out the front door, when the owners come in. So we rush to the kid's room and get out the window, but they saw us carrying clothes on hangers and they shout some shit at us. We get away.

Scene 2: A jail cell with six people - a guy, two women, a guy with a gun & a drill, my mom & my dad. There is a balcony (?). Suddenly, the warden brings in a seventh, and that is me. Apparently I didn't want to live without my parents, so I got myself thrown in jail (the how and why comes later...its a doozy though). As soon as the warden leaves, the guy with a drill sends my dad and other useless guy onto the balcony and hands the drill and gun to me. "You know what to do." And even though I have only been there for .7 seconds, I know that I am supposed to take the screws out of the cell door, and if my dad comes back in from the balcony, shoot him between his eyes...cause we are planning the best prison break ever. So, there are some close calls and everything, but my mom finally says "You can't have a daughter kill her father...Give me the gun." But she shoots herself instead. The drill man is pissed, as am I, but she winks at me, and the other two women are like "We'll dispose of her body!" and wink at me too. So, while drill guy is doing whatever, we manage to take the hammock (?) and drape it over the balcony, which is where we will store my mother until the men get out...So, instead of putting her in the hammock and then lowering it, they are going to drop her in. And they miss. And she falls stories down through trees. Right before the inevitable, I say "I love you!" really dramatically and we hear a cartoon thump as she hits the ground.

Scene 3: I have dyed my hair black, I have a baby (baby = anyone under three), and I have escaped jail - after a comical chase through a large city by a guy in a lab coat claiming to be a doctor, who was actually some other prisoner that wanted me back so he could kill me. (I, too, wish there were transitions in this dream. Also, notice I did not say I have MY baby.) So, there are two other adults with me, and another baby. The boy baby gets scared by something and is like "Went poo" and asks me to change his diaper and not his mom. So I take the boy into the bathroom and he's on that changing table thing, but mom keeps trying to take him away from me. And so, she's pulling on his head, and its squishing and contorting, like silly putty. And she finally says something about how I win and she leaves the girl baby in the bathroom with me. Then these two girls, maybe 8 & 12, come into the bathroom and go into the stall next to me, but don't close the door. (ok, honestly this section is only put here because it is just strange...it has nothing to do with the progression of the dream in any way.) One strips down and they both sit on the floor and roll a joint. "Why did you get naked to smoke a joint?" "So my clothes won't smell like pot. Duh." "Um, but they're still in the stall with you." "God, just shut up and take care of that nasty smelling diaper." Then I leave the bathroom. TWIST!(*@&#!*(!!! The boy is actually mine...and the girl is the other woman's. But she was jealous that I had a boy, so she traded them. What.

We're standing around, me, my kids, and some lady (because other mom has run away) and I spot the warden from scene 2. I start to panic, and the lady is like "So, what the hell is wrong with you?" "Um, so I used to be in jail. But I escaped." "What did you do that got you thrown in that jail?" "I stole a bag of chips from the gas station." "Are you serious?" "Yeah, but I had that one judge who was on SVU, who puts kids in max. security prisons cause she gets a cut..."

Scene 4: I'm in a car with my two children...driving down a long, straight, & boring (that's what she said!) road. It has been what seems like forever, when things start to look familiar. I realize I am in Galesburg, and I'm on the road that curves around by GDH. I came to the stop sign, looked around at all the kids walking from classes being let out, and thought "She's in there. Between classes. I could go in. Just say hello." And then I went through the intersection and kept driving away. Das Ende.

And let me tell you, fuck you unconscious. I know what you're trying to tell me. I know what you want from me...But shut up.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

fack.

I am trying really hard to not do something terrible.

I fear I may fail.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Sigh...

1. I am pissed at whomever these assholes are that supply our heater motors. And I do mean plural, because they break every year. Also, what the hell is with them not giving a shit that we are sans heat in the middle of fucking winter. I mean, I have a snuggie and everything, but it doesn't keep your pipes from freezing or melt the deathcicles while it gets to 3 degrees F, or -11. Maybe a week and a half isn't long enough to order a motor and I'm being unfair. I'm not really sure. But I am sure that I would like the world to stop shitting on my family and get us a heater.

2. I am sick of hearing people say, "Oh yeah, global warming is sure real. I mean, we only got 3 feet of snow this weekend..." You are a completely fucking ignorant asshat. Global warming doesn't equal warm temperatures year round, no snow instantly. I hate people who are so accustomed to "instant gratification" that if they don't get it, they just brush it off. No one said it was going to happen in 2009. No one said it would happen by 2015. Just fucking shut up.

3. I'm kinda sick of people who don't understand an answering machine. I was taught that you call, leave your name & number, and a BRIEF description of why you are calling. This mostly applies to my dad's clients. No offense, but I do not care: "Back in 1993 there was a subdivision of some land, but then my grandpa died in 1995 and turns out the lawyer forgot to disclose information. So then, we were talking to Henry but he didn't really know who had the drawing, said maybe it was Chuck. And you would probably have it now. Or maybe the courthouse. And my neighbor just moved out back in October, and these new people want to build a fence. They were thinking of cutting down this giant oak tree, but I'm pretty sure its on my land. But, Hey! all I need you to do is drop off a copy of my property! And everything I told you prior to that last statement is pointless! Here are six phone numbers you might be able to reach me at, depending on what hour-long segment of the day you try! Oh, and I'm going to say my name while I'm sighing, so good luck decoding that info. Thanks. Bye."

4. I really hate myself right now. And I don't know what to do about it. I do what therapists have told me. What non-therapists have told me. And it works like a roller coaster. I go up, and I feel like I will stay up, but then something happens and everything goes barreling down at the speed of light.

5. I need a doctor. I have health problems; I must. Or else I wouldn't feel this way. I wouldn't feel sick unless I eat sugar. I wouldn't pee twice a day regardless of how much or how little I drink. My stomach wouldn't get intense pains that leave me immobile for days. I could get my "spot" checked out (it's probably a birthmark, but I don't remember ever having it before...). Maybe I could stop having headaches that hurt more than when I had a rusty garden hoe go through my foot. However, I can not go to the doctors here. They will see that I have no insurance and then be condescending as fuck. I know this for a fact. Cause that happened last time.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Beeeeach!

We picked a condo for our beach trip. It's a god awful color, but the rest of it is super fucking awesome. A little too decorated...like, they tried too hard, but still nice.

My goal is to become hot...and then have sex in this condo. It has been my goal since year 1 (2004) to have sex on the beach. It is now 2010, and I've yet to do so. Thus, let it be this year!

Such a thrill seeking experience, since most of my family will be there too.

-untitled-

I feel as if I am being neglectful of my blog...But I really have nothing to say right now.

Um...yeah, no. I tried. But I have nothing. This must be a good thing.

Saturday, January 09, 2010

Those Darn African Bees

Dream time!

I'm not positive, but I think I was on a flight back from Germany with a class (I guess, there was a teacher and like 20 people my age) and when we got close to this town, I rememeber saying "Can't we just jump out instead of going all the way to Cleveland and then back?" and people laughed. And then when we got to the PA/Ohio border the plane turned into a school bus and drove the rest of the way to the airport. But on the way, we made a pit-stop so people could see what the future is like. (Ok, honestly, your guess is as good as mine as to what. the. fuck. that means.) And we were helping someone rebuild a fence or something and it was cold, so I wearing mittens. And then someone shouted "Watch out for the bees!" It wasn't like there were bees everywhere, just a general statement that there are several bees around.

So I pick up this piece of wood and I felt something on my fingers and there are two bees (much larger than real life, but not comically large) chillin on my mitten. So, naturally, I panic and try to take my mitten off, enclosing them inside when one's stinger breaks off, and implants itself into my ring finger knuckle. I pull it out, and start crying. (Pause! I don't get stung by bees. Because I make it my life goal to stay the eff away from them. But, when I was like 8, I was walking down my street with a handful of goldenrod and I got stung by a bee on my thumb knuckle. Also, while I was on my way home, crying, I sat down on a stump, and then bees came out of it and chased me home. I. Do. Not. Do. Bees.) So, the teacher is like, "Why is she freaking out? Is she allergic?" "No. It just hurts so bad." Said dramatically by me.

And then: The bees revolt and start swarming around everyone...And I don't remember anything else from this scene aside from me yelling, "It's the Africanized Honey Bees! They've taken over!" And then running onto the bus, getting into the fetal position, and crying.

Friday, January 08, 2010

alksjdf;alewiuraghlj!

My God. I am never going to a reunion. I am never going to homecoming. I am never going to do anything that shows how unsuccessful I am. And while I'm happy for you people who get jobs doing what you want. And how you are not in so much debt, you are surprised that they haven't repossessed you, yet. And how you found that person that makes you happy... I don't want to hear about it anymore.

That's right. I don't care how many weeks, months, years you are celebrating with your mate. I don't care about how happy you are. Because I'm not. I'm not doing either of those things. And since I am in a circular hell (ie: I can not get a job unless I move. Yet, I can't move because I have no money...because I don't have a job), nothing is ever going to get better.

The end.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Obligatory Post (cause I haven't in awhile)

I got an email about German Club (which I won't get anymore cause I don't know my password, and thus can not change it. Plus I thought they would've deleted my account by now. I don't actually want to stop, but feel I need to let go...) and it made me miss Knox. I wish I could get a job there, or...go back, lol, but I know that in like 2 years I will have no friends left there. And then I will be sad. Although seeing Tim, Heather & Sonja more often is always a good thing. And Frank. I like Frank.

New mouthwash! I was using whitening, but I think it has peroxide in it, because it created this terrible paste that never left my mouth. Regardless of how much tongue scraping I did. Now I'm using strawberry flavored! Yay. It makes me want to smile more, now that my teeth will be less gross.

Did I mention that I miss Knox?

I just gave my rats treats. Sometimes I feel bad that I don't play with them more. But they really hate being held. And so I open the cage, stick my hand in, they sniff it, and then look for a treat. :( I really like them, it's just...they don't like me. lol.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Insomnia's A Bitch

In "The Secret Life of Bees" (book not movie), she starts throwing jars of honey. She destroys dozens of jars, coating her entire shack with honey and shards of glass. Some days I just want to do this. I want to throw things and break them and then sit in my mess. I want to sit and cry over everything that angers me.

During homecoming, I had a mini breakdown. I drove to Target and over-drafted my account buying a small notebook, some sharpie pens, and blank cards. My intent was to sit somewhere, write out a note to someone, put it in one of the cards, and give it to this someone. What happened was much worse. I sat somewhere, for hours, writing in this notebook. Scribbling frantically everything I wanted to tell this person. And then it turned into a giant confession. To everyone in my family, everyone who has ever known me. Something that I don't want anyone else to know about until after I'm dead. (No, this is not a suicide thing.)

This was in October. I just re-read some of it, and I thought about throwing it away. But now I know what goes through my mind when I have breakdowns. It's a window. I guess I never realized how much I don't understand about why I'm upset and sad. Because my happy self does not want to remember my unhappy self. I wrote about wanting to be like Lily from Secret Life of Bees in that notebook while at homecoming (there are several later entries), but it definitely holds true. At least right now.

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Precious

YAY! First post of 2010!

I had probably the best New Years Eve ever. I honestly can't remember one where I had more fun. Mostly cause I'm usually the D.D. and thus sit in a corner drinking off-brand coke watching people get buck-wild. That's right, I said buck-wild.

Then to start the year off even more better, Melissa & I went to see Precious. Because it never opened around here (we would've had to drive to Ohio) and it was having a special weekend showing. Even though there was five inches of snow when we left and it took us two hours to drive the 45 minute drive home from the theater, we went to see Precious. And g'damn. It wasn't nearly as inspiring as I thought it was going to be. But I still loved it. I really hate when I fall in love with characters. I loved her teacher Ms. Rain, and, oddly, I think my favorite was her case worker at Welfare, Mrs. Weiss. Mostly I think I fell in love with these two women because I can equate them to people in my life. Ok, so no one is saving me from my abusive, incestuous parents (cause I don't have any...) but still.

Sigh, I don't want to talk about anything in the plot since most people I know have not seen it, since this was the first time this movie was shown around here. I will point out, that one of the males we went to see it with was...well, a dick in the after-movie discussion. He just kept calling Precious a retard. She never learned to read. She is not retarded. We didn't make you see the movie. "I kept expecting something to happen. And then it didn't." It wasn't an action movie. Shut. Up.

The End.