Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Fuck off.

I'm sick of waiting. Sick of doing things for you. So tired of being tired. I'm done waiting at my computer for you to decide you are bored.

I don't remember the last time I took a shower. I don't remember the last time I did something simply for me. I don't remember being happy. Sometimes the only reason I wake up is so people don't ask questions.

I've done so many things this summer, yet I have nothing to show. The mental images of the cleaning, facebook statuses, tear soaked tissues that have dried... All the applications I've turned in, the wasted miles for interviews. Nothing concrete, all abstract.

The problem here is that I'm alone. Not in the literal sense of the word, obviously, but really. You're off doing this, you're doing that. All the while I'm sitting here wondering what I should be doing. Wondering if the call is going to come today. Wondering if you'll come to your senses today. Wondering if today is the day that I tell everyone the truth.

I'm pretty sure that that day will never come.

I love you. (To someone specific, not included in the rest of this post, who will never read this.)

1 comment:

Tasha said...

Stef, it kind of seems like you should tell the person.