Saturday, July 11, 2009

Another Day, Another Bear Dream

I like to have these dreams, where bears will be casually walking past my house, and then for some reason, discover that I am in the house, terrified and hiding. About ten minutes ago, I woke up from what may be the most gruesome of these dreams.

I was on my porch, while my dad was getting the mail, and thought to myself, "Is that the neighbor's dog? It looks awfully dark..." Then, upon realizing that I am a complete idiot, I ran inside, shutting the door. My next step was to hide in the bathroom, because lord knows he will never look for me there. How bears are able to open doors in my dreams, I will never know, but hey, everyone has a thumb in my dreams!

So, I've managed to barricade the bathroom door (with myself) and the amazingly talented bear and I spend about five minutes twisting the handle back and forth as he tries to get the door open. I'm sorry, but why did this grizzly sized black bear, just not beat it down? Stupid bear. Anyway, my dream geniusness kicks in, and I think, "I will beat it to death with the shower curtain rod!"

So, I let the bear open the door, and I proceed to beat it with a plastic rod. I swear to you, the bear just looked at me like, "Is she for real?" As he sat there, I don't know, laughing at me, I decided to pull a Jaws move, and stab it's eye out. Instead of fighting me back, after I somehow punctured one eye with my curtain rod, he looks at me pathetically. And I'm like, "Well, that was easy." And then I popped the other eye. Then I was like "Man, I really have to pee." And woke up.

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