Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Stupid Rain

I did not go to my mother's today. I did not wake up until nearly 3 because every time I woke up, my head felt like it was going to implode.

I did however get the vacuum cleaner cover finished. And almost finished the crochet project...not really almost, but I finished another part of it. I also got all the stuff I promised Mandy for the party on Saturday. I'm going to bed in either 11 or 41 minutes because tomorrow I will get up around 9, shower, and go to my mom's. Hopefully I will also be able to upload pictures of my sweet project that I hope I never have to see again, because it has taken up too much of my life. Although I hope I am proud of it when done...Hopefully I don't hate it.

Now playing: Eminem ft. Nate Dogg - Shake That
via FoxyTunes

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Woah, I'm Awesome

Today I accomplished so much, it makes me wish I woke up at 8 am everyday. Almost. I mean, it's 11 and I'm about to pass out.

So I got up to finish off my week of servitude, taking Grandma to her last two appointments for the next month. I really can't stand being in waiting rooms anymore, attempting to read, but being interrupted by Kathy Lee talking about how Palin is "feminism at work" or something because she has 4 kids and still managed to run for Vice President. (I'm almost positive one of them said President...which is just a sign that they should not be allowed to vote, if they don't even know who is running, but I digress). Then there was a discussion about whether she was allowed to make the decision to resign on her own, or if her fellow party mates (read men) convinced her it would be ok. And seriously, I do not care if she has a child with Down's Syndrome. So does the lady down the street from me...she doesn't get any publicity about it.

ANYWAY. After I finished at the creepy hospital and managed to get through nearly 50 pages of my book (an accomplishment which you would understand if you had been there), I went to my mom's. I had intended to sit around and be lazy. Maybe take a little trip around the block on the golf cart. I ended up digging up three mounds of potatoes, and helping to weed a flower bed. Then, because I like punishment (?) I offered to clean some of the slime out of her pond. It was gross, people, GROSS. Her friend stopped by, so they shot the shit for about 2 hours. My mother refuses to believe that she deserves a break now and then...And I'm glad she got one. She was
pissed, but whatever. She enjoyed her cigarettes while I forced them to listen to Hip-Hop Nation on XM Satellite. After she left, I washed all the potatoes and did my mom's dishes. I'm pretty sure there will perpetually be dirt under my finger nails.

I came home and made dinner for myself because my dad had already eaten. Then, miraculously, and accidentally, I found my wallet. I decided it was time to clean the ratties' cage, so that happened. I also finished my mother's revamped recipe box. This shit was ug-lee. Dudes, I could not get the dirt off it...Tomorrow, I have decided, I'm going to wake up around 9 and take a shower. After that I'm thinking I will make my mother's vacuum cleaner cover (because only lord knows why she wanted one). I will also try to finish my semi-secret crochet project, because I've been working on it way too long. I will either go to my mom's before that and work on it there, or not work on it at all. She wants me to come help her in the garden some more. And I have to say, I love it. The only thing that would be more awesome, is if there was a goat for me to play with while there.


I had a dream last night.

I was walking down a hill toward a pond, and on the way down, there were Easter eggs all over. Some were open, some were closed. The closed ones all had M&Ms in them. I started pouring them into either larger eggs or little containers, one being a pill bottle. A woman came along and said, "Hey, are those your Easter eggs?"
"No, I found them."
"Well then you can't eat the candy."
So I started pouring them out into the pond, but I lifted the eggs really high up so the candy would fall into my mouth. She yelled at me to spit them out, and that if I ate them it was considered stealing. I tried to convince her that she shouldn't throw them all away into the pond, because that was a waste. Finally, someone else distracted her and I ran away with my pill bottle and little containers.
I came to a bathroom, and locked the door. I sat on the toilet and starting eating the M&Ms as fast as I could. I ate all the ones in everything except the pill bottle. I took the lid off of it, and saw that all of them were yellow. I don't know why, but I don't like yellow ones in my waking life, so I guess that translated to my dream life. Because I set the bottle down, went out of the bathroom and when I shut the door, I heard the bottle fall and the M&Ms pour all over the sink.
The color yellow has both positive and negative connotations. If the dream is a pleasant one, then the color yellow is symbolic of intellect, energy, agility, happiness, harmony, and wisdom. On the other hand, if the dream is an unpleasant one, then the color represents cowardice and sickness. You may have a fear or an inability to make a decision or take action. As a result, you are experiencing many setbacks.

To see a toilet in your dream, symbolizes a release of emotions or getting rid of something in your life that is useless.

To see a pond in your dream, represents tranquility and desire for more quiet time to yourself. It is a time to reflect on your situation and what is going on in your life. Alternatively, it suggests that you keep your feelings contained and in check. You are experiencing and emotional calm in your life.

To see or eat candy in your dream, symbolizes the joys and special treats in life. It also represents indulgence, sensuality and/or forbidden pleasure. You may be devoting too much time to unimportant issues.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Das "bah"

I am now going to sum up the last 72 hours of my life in three words: Grandma and menstruation.

This can be translated into: I kinda want to rip out my ovaries/fallopian tubes, put them into a box, put that box in another box, mail it to myself and then smash it with a hammer. (Anyone? - I'll give you a hint:, at roughly 1:50.)

Thursday, July 23, 2009

i never want to see groceries again

Oh hay! I went to bed at 6:30ish am this morning. Why? I'm guessing it was the coffee I had 12 hours before. I woke up at 9:30 but was so exhausted I fell asleep again before even touching my alarm clock. Better story though, is me waking up at noonish, wanting to die, sitting at my computer for an hour, and then taking my grandma to the doctor. I think, alright, this'll take an hour, I can drop her off at home, go buy some tampons, and be home in time for a late lunch. Notsomuch. "Can we stop by the store?" "Sure!" Now I won't even need to backtrack to get tampons - I think and am excited that I can kill two birds with one stone.

AN HOUR LATER...we are checking out. I have already paid for my stuff. I am starving. In a grocery store. I have never enjoyed chocolate cake, but slather some peanut butter creme stuff in between two and call it a whoppee! and I'll devour it in 3.2 seconds while driving and texting at the same damn time. It took two trips for me to get all of her groceries inside because well, I was starving and thirsty and she would've freaked out if I had taken a sip while driving. (And Lord knows I can do many things while driving...I'll let your imagination go wild.)

It's not that I mind helping her out. It's the fact that she said "stop by" which to me implies, "I need to pick up some aspirin and maybe some potatoes." If she would've said, "Could we get groceries after my appointment?" I would have been totally ok with it, and brought a snack.

And now, basically, my friends have conflicting interests (except wanting to hang out with me) and therefore I don't know which way to go, cause they both asked me at the same time. Today is crazy and I've only been awake for 5 hours (a little less, actually).

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


I was driving home from my mother's tonight and thought there was some dirt on the road. Well, there was, but it was floating in about a foot of water rushing across the street. There was spray similar to that of...well something that sprays a lot. But oh, I couldn't see because it was hurricanesque raining. I can also add "GIANT FUCKING WORM" to the list of things I have hit with my car. I swear to you, the damn thing was like 6 inches long, squirming across the road (emphasis on was) because now it is lying on across the road. I did, however, manage to miss the four toads that I saw hopping on the streets. AND! My toad friend, that usually sits outside our front door when I get home was there again. It has been like a week.

I found it ironic that the song below was the first to play when I pressed randomize on iTunes.
Now playing: Garbage - I'm Only Happy When It Rains
via FoxyTunes

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Ich muss bloggen!

It has been so long in Stefland! So much to report on! (well, kinda)

My new job is Grandma's personal assistant. It doesn't pay that much (or at all) but my dad pays for my gas and he gives me a $20 now and then if I want to do something. Basically, I drive her to doctors appointments and make sure she doesn't faint or something while walking. She has the flu and some other problem (we don't know what) and so she's not allowed to drive. I've got four appointments in this next week and I did one last Friday. She might also have me take her grocery shopping. Which I love doing most of the time, but I don't know...I've never done it with her. So that knocks out Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and either Wednesday or Friday of this week! Hot damn. At least I won't be perpetually bored...Oh wait, I'll be in waiting rooms for 6 hours (how long do sonograms take?). It's a good thing I like reading. And borrowed 7 books from Melissa.

Speaking of fun things Stef wants to do. I went to a bar last night. First time since my final Jazz night with the Sonjas (sad). But, it was fun. It was Conneaut Lake, so you know, you have to watch yourself or you're dancing with some guy with no teeth and a mom-heart tattoo. But I digress. I went to a bar to see a live band...which I have never. The Porcelain Bus Drivers played (which, side note: my 79-yr old Grandma heard of them before...I had not). They play covers, and they do it very well. I could upload a video of some crazy dancing so you can hear them in the background. Yeah I'll do that.

But anyway, they have a trombone player and a trumpet player. I found myself sitting outside during a set break, smoking a Camel menthol and taking pictures of a well. Why did I do this? I do not know, but next time I take free shots of Goldschlager with the band, I'll be sure to update you on what goes through my mind. And, I may have sang the phrase, "Laid back. With my mind on my money and my money on my mind" into the mic with the singer during their cover of Snoop Dogg's "Gin & Juice" maybe...
So yes, and then about ten minutes after returning to Melissa's I passed out on the couch with the cats. Good thing I'm not allergic...oh wait.

Is there anything else? I do not think so. So, enjoy the video and random well picture. :)

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Just a few things.

1. If you read this, could you please comment? I don't care what it is (spam me if you want), I just want to know who reads it.

2. I am in the middle of a rather large Make Something Cool Everyday project. Pictures of the completed project will come when I finish the whole thing. :)

3. I had a dream last night that a bull kept trying to attack me because I played with his nose piercing. I ended up on the roof, but had no trouble jumping down from it.

4. I am going to buy an Olivia Newton-John record today. I am about five shades of excited because my ONJ shrine collection is getting bigger!

5. Birds keep flying into my bedroom window and dying. Or, they get back up and then fly into it again and then die.

Now playing: Madonna - Justify My Love
via FoxyTunes

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Snail Time!

I finally got off my ass and made another craft! I was thinking that he would look cute with a little hat too. I think that I'm going to make a little family of them.

A Quote

I have a problem with finding quotes in books that are incredibly meaningful to me. I never want to forget them, but I almost always do. I hope that by typing this one here, I won't forget it.
The Secret Life of Bees, pg. 277

People, in general, would rather die than forgive. It's that hard. If God said in plain language, "I'm giving you a choice, forgive or die," a lot of people would go ahead and order their coffin.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Das Sigh (again)

I went into The Secret Life of Bees thinking that I would hate it. Stories about mother-daughter relationships are not exactly my favorite...however, even half-way through, I am incredibly intrigued and in love with this book.

I am at a part, where Lily falls in love with what she refers to as: impossibility. It's as if Sue Monk Kidd is writing about every single person I have ever fallen in love with. And then we reach the part where he tells her that he loves her too. Except, he is black, she is white, and it is 1964.

If even one of the two people that I currently want to spend the rest of my life with would just show the slightest return of feelings, I could probably move on. But right now the whole situation is just suck.

Another Day, Another Bear Dream

I like to have these dreams, where bears will be casually walking past my house, and then for some reason, discover that I am in the house, terrified and hiding. About ten minutes ago, I woke up from what may be the most gruesome of these dreams.

I was on my porch, while my dad was getting the mail, and thought to myself, "Is that the neighbor's dog? It looks awfully dark..." Then, upon realizing that I am a complete idiot, I ran inside, shutting the door. My next step was to hide in the bathroom, because lord knows he will never look for me there. How bears are able to open doors in my dreams, I will never know, but hey, everyone has a thumb in my dreams!

So, I've managed to barricade the bathroom door (with myself) and the amazingly talented bear and I spend about five minutes twisting the handle back and forth as he tries to get the door open. I'm sorry, but why did this grizzly sized black bear, just not beat it down? Stupid bear. Anyway, my dream geniusness kicks in, and I think, "I will beat it to death with the shower curtain rod!"

So, I let the bear open the door, and I proceed to beat it with a plastic rod. I swear to you, the bear just looked at me like, "Is she for real?" As he sat there, I don't know, laughing at me, I decided to pull a Jaws move, and stab it's eye out. Instead of fighting me back, after I somehow punctured one eye with my curtain rod, he looks at me pathetically. And I'm like, "Well, that was easy." And then I popped the other eye. Then I was like "Man, I really have to pee." And woke up.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Famous Last Words: Today Is Going to be Awesome!

Let me start by saying that today, was indeed a good day. That is, up until 2:15 when I panicked because I was supposed to already have left for my interview. However, Peggle totally distracted me. I decided to pee here before I left and so I did so, like any other day. Welcome to Hell.

I stand up after all is said & done, to realize that the bottom edge of my skirt went swimming...and I peed on it. Panic zwei sets in as I rifle through my closet in an attempt to find anything else nice...ANYTHING. I finally found something relatively nice, threw it on and got to my car. Then, I know there is roadwork so I have to go the long way, only to be stuck behind some dick set on going 5 mph under the speed limit. And when I finally get to Meadville, every light is red. Perpetually red. I thought about just making a bunch of left turns and calling them to be like, "Yeah, so...I'm trying, really."

Get there and there are four parking spots. All are full. So I park at the building next to...directly in front of a sign that says "Advance Cast Parking Only. Unauthorized Vehicles Towed." Um...well, let's hope they don't tow it. Cause I have four minutes.

Sit in waiting room for 35 minutes. Then the interview is half an hour - beginning with the words, "Sorry, our AC broke this morning." JESUS. All I could think about was saying, "Look, I'm parked illegally, could we speed this up?" and then eventually, "You know, I think I'll just go work somewhere else, this is taking too long for me." Good news, I escape to see a tow truck pulling into the parking lot. Needless to say, I have never pulled out of a parking spot so quickly in my life. I have no idea if it was for me or what, but I didn't get towed.

Bam. Day over...I don't care anymore. My room smells like pee from the aforementioned incident and we have no dryer. Sooo, guess I'll be seein Mom soon.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

My Life...

Today I was walking down the street with Aaryn & Alex. Here was our order:

Me - Aaryn - Alex

A car drove by, gave a cat call, and then turned around in the parking lot behind us. There were two teenagers inside. This is what was next said:

You're fat. - You're fat. - You're gay.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009


Ok, Well I'm working on a new project and hopefully this works. Fingers Crossed!
CommunityWalk Map - Zoos

Insomnia = Awesome

I am by no means a poet. But I am incredibly sleep deprived and a little high off cough syrup, so I'm going to type like not a blog entry:

The hours roll by
My eyelids are heavy.
My body asleep but
My mind spins awake.

Flip the pillow over
To the cool side.
Close my eyes
Listen to the emptiness.

Stare into nothing
Watch the clock.
Another sip of water
Another trip to the bathroom.

Check my e-mail
Get back in bed.
Toss and turn
Toss and turn.

The sun comes up
And I'm still awake.
Now playing: Baby Bash Ft. Frankie - Suga Suga
via FoxyTunes

Sunday, July 05, 2009

That's What She (or He) Said

Several phrases from the evening that made me wish Sigma Frye was there:

"You put that there while I get my stick ready."

"When I put this in there, it's just going to explode."

"Can I sit on your lap?"
"No, you're too wet."

"Can we put these here so they can get bigger?"

"Wow, that one is really black."

"Woah, that went everywhere."

"I wanna play with it now. It's my turn."

"Are you going back in? It's really warm in there."

"Oh look! There's two of them."

"I left it in too long. It started to disintegrate."

And my personal favorite, said by my two 9 year old male cousins:
"I've got blue balls!"
"Mine are red! Well, pink."

Feminist Post

On the way to my grandma's (who is not feeling well, so my uncle and I took her some food from our picnic), my uncle tells me that my cousin's daughter told him today that she is a feminist and didn't like a remark he made. He asked her what she meant by being a feminist (she is 14, I think) and she replied, "Men and women are equal." Their conversation (roughly) follows:

"But you have boobs. I don't. You can have babies. I can't. You can't tell me that we are equal."
"I mean, they should be treated equally, especially in the workplace."
"You will always be looked down upon because you are a woman. Get used to it."

Apparently they fought like this for awhile, and it ended with her crying in another room. He told me that he went in later and explained to her, that he was only half-joking and that she really should get used to being treated differently, and inferior-ly, because she is a woman. He said that he didn't mean to make her so upset, but she should just face the cold, hard, truth now, instead of being slapped with it later.

This upset me. Mainly because last year, about this same time, my family was working on building a retaining wall for my grandma. One day, my dad and I shoveled a ton (literally) of gravel onto a pipe for said wall. The next day, everyone got together for a picnic to celebrate us finishing the wall. When I asked what I could do, this same uncle said, "You can go up on the deck with the other women."

Normally, this would not have upset me as much as it did, because I just laugh it off like a joke. However, I found out that he had said almost the same thing to an aunt, and I had done more work than him on this. And for him to imply that sticking some bricks together was a man's job, was completely ridiculous. My grandma tried to convince me that he was just joking, but he acts this way all the time. He thinks (and tells us all the time) that my aunts' places are in the kitchen doing the dishes after family gatherings, loading/unloading the dishwasher, and taking care of the kids. He complains whenever a woman gets a higher salary than him, regardless of how much more work she does. And he seems to think that anything a woman complains about is just her overreacting to something. (Such as my grandma breaking her arm, or being in pain from pneumonia, or my cousins being cold - they should toughen up and take it like their brothers or other male cousins.)

Sometimes, I have also been told that I should not be allowed to drive because I'm a woman. Or that I'm not allowed to help chop firewood, should I want to try it. However, suggest peeling potatoes and they are quick to get you a knife (that you can handle, wouldn't want you to get too cocky with a big one).

I wanted to walk up to my cousin tonight and tell her that I admire her for standing up for herself, even at 14, when just about everyone around you has control over you. Especially when you are visiting your grandpa, who thinks that you should be washing the dishes or vacuuming, or some other household chore that isn't too manly. At least she understands that women should be getting the same pay as men, and that they shouldn't be treated likeobjects. (If you will note, the two things he mentioned were breasts (sex) and babies (a vessel) - two of the only three things (with the other being cleaning) that women are on earth for.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Happy "We're Free From England" Day!

You know why living in the middle of nowhere is kinda cool? Because you do not look like a dork sitting on your front porch peeling potatoes.

And do you know why you don't look like a dork? Because the people next door (whom they are for) are weed-whacking in the 75 degree weather in jeans, work boots, and a sweater, the people on the other side are fat and shirtless in their garden, and the people across the street are having a domestic dispute (followed by a shirtless bike ride around our 4 mile block.

On a completely different note, I would like to point out that garlic mustard is EVERYWHERE. If you see it, you should eradicate that terrible little weed. Because it is invasive in just about every state and it's kinda ugly. Don't know what it looks like? Well, as if looking out the window of your car going anywhere wasn't good enough:

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Hot Commodity

So, today I was woken by the phone and my dad usually knows which of my friend's is calling, or if it is a relative he tells me and he said, "I don't know who this is," and handed me the phone. Welcome to job call back #2, at a Pet Care facility. (the first being the cleaners said I was hired if my background check was ok, and then never called me) Apparently out of the tons of applicants, I am in the final selection bracket - this makes me feel really good. The interview is next Thursday...maybe. Because, back #3 (sorta) came at 4:30. This interview is tomorrow between 10 & 2, anytime in there, at Staples.

I don't know what to do. The Pet Care place would be more relevant to what I want to do, but it's only weekends - 16hrs/wk - and holidays (another 8), and then if anyone calls off. I'm basically on call to work if someone more important than me doesn't want to. However, I think that Staples would be a more reliable source of money - and in the end, a lot more enjoyable. And I don't want to tell them that I can't work weekends or holidays, because what if I don't get either job?!? I wish so many people didn't want me, lol. This is slightly nervewracking.

I had a dream last night that I was at my family's 4th of July picnic at my aunt & uncle's house, but before it started, my uncle had to clear out the houses that were in the back so he could make money. It was some sort of scheme, because they were lying to the people paying him, saying that they were like, really historical (you could tell by the wood or something) and I was helping him. And then my hands started hurting really badly. After I washed the dirt off them, three fingers on both hands were really white and the sides were black, and I was also covered in a ton of cuts from the metal. They hurt so incredibly bad and my dad said it was because the skin had shrunk and my fingers didn't fit inside the skin anymore. My aunt tried to bandage it, but it hurt way too badly to touch it.

Then I had another dream that I was back in high school - in choir, more specifically - and Miss Peters was being just about as bitchy as she was when I was actually her student. She kept making us move around and my hands still hurt really badly, but they weren't white anymore. I kept wanting to be in the middle of Aaryn & Melissa. Brian Cirka was there...what the hell? (For those of you who don't know, he was in my choir from 7-12 grade.)

What else? Hmm...
I don't even know. I was going to basically write a novel yesterday, and have officially forgotten everything I was going to write on here. Gonna go read Paradise Kiss!

Now playing: Sarah McLachlan - Black & White
via FoxyTunes

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Happy July!

I was going to blog a lot and then I got way distracted and tired and headachey. So, I'll update tomorrow.