Saturday, June 13, 2009

shit

I didn't cry when I got my diploma or heard the speech about moving on. I didn't cry when I said good-bye to my professors. I didn't cry when I moved out, knowing that I would probably never see some people ever again. I didn't cry when people kept telling me to have a nice life. I didn't cry when I merged onto 74, leaving Galesburg for the last time. So when did I cry?

A week later at 2:00 pm, on a Saturday when a German song came on my iTunes.

It is difficult to explain what came over me without sounding like a completely emo freak. So, get your mocking out now...

I have listened to Nur Ein Wort at least 20 times since I left school. Why was today different? Maybe it's because I was doing a crossword puzzle thing yesterday and the clue was Sonja ____. I wrote in "Klocke :)," and turned the page. Maybe it's because last night I had a dream that I was in GDH, trying to find the bathroom, and I just kept running into Sonja.

I guess it finally sank in that I am an adult. I was so incredibly close to post-baccing, and I blew it. I miss people so much, and it's not going to get any better. There is so much I want to tell certain people, and I will never get a chance. I will never bring myself to write that email, or that letter, or even that facebook message.

I feel like one more German club meeting, one more radio show, one more circle of death game, and just one more night would make everything better. I could have closure. But I know it will just make everything worse.

1 comment:

Amelia said...

I was playing drinking games with two British soccer coaches at my house on Friday and all I could think about was you. Is that weird? You're one of the only people I feel like I miss on a nearly daily basis. It'll be okay, though. The people you truly miss, I'm sure, will always be there for you if you need them. Und ich liebe dich. :)