Sunday, May 31, 2009

Das Paper

I have been sustaining myself on Sprite and last night's pizza. It's 3:15 and I realized I hadn't eaten yet today. However, the good news is that my paper is 7 pages (without results or discussion; still working on that). Yeah, 3 hours ago it was 2 paragraphs, so, yay for me! I'm really not going for more than say, 10, so I'm really close to being done. Sigh, I'm hungry now that I acknowledged it.

Now playing: Sarah McLachlan - Ice Cream
via FoxyTunes

WOO Research!

Hey all you special kool and kicking kats!

You guessed it. Still working on that paper.

Tried to buy a coke to caffeinate myself AND the machines were sold out. And since it's cheaper here than in the C-Store, I decided to just go with Sprite. EW, but yeah, anyway.

SSWPE Update: Of the 106 photos, I kept 83. (I decided to only count those that aren't shitty.)

Now playing: Feist - 1234
via FoxyTunes

Saturday pt. 3

Sangria Saturday went very well. I drank two Drunk Germans (jager and root beer) and then a glass of Sangria. Then we played Guitar Hero World Tour...That's really all.

The more I look at my paper the more I want to just set things on fire. I want to finish it tomorrow sometime because I really just want to have a nice, relaxing Senior Week.

I started the Stef's Senior Week Photography Extravaganza (SSWPE). My goal used to be 500, but after taking 408 at the Brookfield Zoo, I decided I should raise it to 750 - It may have to go up to 1000. I already have 106! And the festivities have barely started.

I should've majored in German and Digital Photography. :)

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Saturday pt. 2

Because I don't want to actually work on my paper (I have three paragraphs of the discussion section now! And I printed out articles so I won't have to keep clicking through tabs on my Firefox. Progress), I am going to blog yet again.

I had to fill out a sheet about becoming an Alum, and it's a bunch of crap like what clubs you were in and such...Well, you know me, Miss Participant. It was looking a bit drab, but I finally got to the section about "Other" and wrote German Club!! (Exactly like that, !! and all)

Today, we were planning on getting our fridges out of storage. Someone never showed, so I had to do 2 by myself, and Molly helped me with one. If she hadn't, I think I would've died. But, they are still in my car because the aforementioned person still is not here. And one of them is hers.

In about an hour, we're going to head to Heather's for Sangria Saturday.


I'm going to start by saying that I love Nanny shows. Horrible parents, out of control's just too great. Did you ever think your parents were bad? Watch at least half an episode of Nanny 911, Supernanny, etc and you will feel so much better about your life.

I'm going to attempt to shit out a discussion section and maybe start the introduction. I'm shooting for a C...maybe a D. As long as I pass at this point. It's the last thing I have to do before the rest of my life begins. Perhaps that is why I am procrastinating like it's going out of style.

Mosquitos Are Evil

As I sit here sharpening pencils (hey, I need a final paper stress reliever...), I itch my mosquito bite, which happens to be on top of another mosquito bite. Apparently I have sweet blood behind my left knee.

I finished the Methods section of my paper and therefore felt it was time to clean out the craft box. I have managed to condense one of those giant storage tubs worth of shit into one reusable grocery bag, a folder, and a bag of colored pencils. :)

Friday, May 29, 2009

Last Day of Classes

I'm sitting in my living room attempting to write my final undergraduate assignment EVER.

Unfortunately, there is a dinner party in the next room, my roommate is sleeping, and everyone outside is either throwing some sort of glass item at walls or screaming. I will probably update obnoxiously often in the next couple hours.

I decided it has been Senior Week since Wednesday around 2:30. We had finished our German movie by then, ish, and I really had nothing else to do. Let's see, I drank a little bit on Wednesday and then had the best trip to Taco Bell of my entire college career. Then on Thursday, Molly & I went to Flat Top in Peoria for dinner, then Old Navy, and then I got a book at Borders for $2.99. I hung out at Jazz night with the Sonjas (which ps made me very happy). So far today has been awesome (aside from cramp hell). Went to the bar with Heather and some other people, then the Broadview.

Aside from the loud as hell surroundings I'm dealing with right now, the paper is going well. I have 2 pages. Ok, so I started out the day with 2 pages, but not the point.

Das Pain

Oh hey cramps. Go the eff away. I have to write a paper. And do laundry. I don't have time to lie in the fetal position and feel like my insides are being torn out through my navel. Thank you in advance.

Thursday, May 28, 2009


Let's play a game called, "Guess how many professors have seen me have a complete meltdown."

The answer as of an hour ago is 2. The real question is how ok with this am I? I'm not. The first professor was fine. That's one person who knows that I'm a complete wreck under stress.

An hour ago, I went into S-Dawg's office to discuss my after graduation plans. About four minutes into this meeting, I was sobbing and apologizing uncontrollably. As if sending an email about extreme gratitude wasn't embarrassing enough...

Senior Meeting

Sometimes I'm amazed at how many underage people there are at Senior Meeting. Each holding a drink. Apparently I missed the phase of sneaking into bars and/or using a fake I.D. That's probably because I didn't even consider starting to drink until I was 19 and living with my cousin who would give me beer. And you'd think after that first hangover - standing in the grocery store wondering why every light in the world is on, why every single person has to scream to communicate, and considering starting to fast so I can just go home and fall back asleep until Tuesday - that I would never want to drink again...

Today I had an amazingly fun time at Billiards without having any alcohol. WHAT?!? I know, it's crazy. Stef having fun without being completely wasted...Ludicrous. I suppose I really enjoyed being able to stand long enough to actually shoot (pool) and the possibility of remembering this event tomorrow. No karaoke this time, cause a friend was hungry, so we left early to go to Taco Bell.

I was in a really strange mood when we got back from the TB, so I cleaned some stuff out of the fridge. It's ridiculous how much mold you can find when you venture to the back of the fridge. I can rest easy, however, because the mold was all contained and none of it came from my shit. I have never really consumed shells and cheese since I was about 12, so not mine! And I don't particularly care for soup unless it has chicken (or chicken flavoring) in it - so that crap is not mine. I have stacked it on the counter for the proper owner to dispose of as she sees fit. But it's in my Tupperware, so...yeah, fix that.

I'm having a terrible time concentrating on anything for more than about 3 minutes. It has taken me nearly half an hour to get this far in this entry, and I'm a fast typist. It might be because today was a giant piece of crap day. I started crying at 8:40 am, and didn't stop until nearly noon, during which time I sent an email linking someone to this blog. After my class, I got a reply from the aforementioned email that made me cry some more. And my left eye feels like someone has stabbed it. I'm sure it's nothing more than a simple corneal abrasion, and it's getting better - I can blink without being in agonizing pain now. It has now been five minutes since I started this paragraph, because I keep spacing into the rats' cage or the coke can on my desk. I have been considering getting into bed for a good 45 minutes, but I can't decide if that's what I really want or not.

I probably should, because my head feels as if it is about to explode. I've been awake for a very long time. Be sure to come back tomorrow, because I'm sure that I will update often in my last all-nighter in college!

Now playing: The Postal Service - Nothing Better
via FoxyTunes

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

More Dreams! More Germans!

Now my friends are dreaming about the Sonjas!

dukelover3130 (11:34:51 AM): oh man!...i think little sonja and big sonja were represented in my dream
steffikins72 (11:34:56 AM): ooh
dukelover3130 (11:35:06 AM): except it was not them but they were 2 german and daughter
steffikins72 (11:35:12 AM): aw, that's cute
dukelover3130 (11:35:23 AM): big sonja puked on the light switch in the hallway...
steffikins72 (11:35:25 AM): lol
dukelover3130 (11:35:31 AM): and bought us hot dogs to make up for it
steffikins72 (11:35:33 AM): lots its cute
steffikins72 (11:35:38 AM): lost*
dukelover3130 (11:35:54 AM): lol
dukelover3130 (11:35:55 AM): yep
steffikins72 (11:36:00 AM): i'll have to tell them
dukelover3130 (11:36:01 AM): but never saw the puke
dukelover3130 (11:37:05 AM): we were in the apartment and i think it was just me and someone else and then two german biddies come into my room and another room (where the bathroom is) and they are talking about random shit with me...then they leave and the light in the hallway goes in and me and the other person are wondering why its on
dukelover3130 (11:37:45 AM): i get hungry so i go to get food and then ive bought food already and i see them buying awesome looking hot dogs and fries and big sonja sees me and is like "oh no! i puked on your light"
dukelover3130 (11:37:51 AM): except it was the light switch im pretty sure lol
dukelover3130 (11:38:11 AM): and she was sad that i'd gone out to get food when she was buying food for me and 4 other ppl...
steffikins72 (11:38:23 AM): hahaha
steffikins72 (11:38:32 AM): i love the sonjas, even in dream world

Das Sigh

So, just got back from my last session with Ginny. I got to read the summary from my first appointment ever. I thought it was funny and depressing and chock full o'memories that a millionaire's money can't buy (anyone?).

I suppose my next mission is to say good-bye to Tim & Sonja, the latter being much harder. I have seen her nearly every day for 30 weeks. She is one of the only people who really knows how I feel. Some days she was what kept me going. And now I have to say good-bye. I'm going to miss her. Sigh. I wish I didn't want to do it in person because I don't want her to see me cry. I've already told her thank you, but that doesn't seem to be sufficient. She really can't possibly understand. How can email possibly capture the amount of gratitude you have for someone that has saved you from death?


Some words that make me want to vomit:

Mucus, Mucinex, or any other variation.



anything with "anal" in it: anal retentive, anal probe, analyze, etc.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

P.O.S. Day

I don't want to eat anything. Everything I look at makes me want to vomit.

I don't want to do anything. I just want to go back to bed. I have no idea why today is such a p.o.s. day.

I'm considering just sitting in my German classroom and sleeping, so I won't have to wake up and walk there. I'm so incredibly tired.

Monday, May 25, 2009

(*&$#($*&#%) today

I love going to the doctor, only to have him tell me there is nothing he can do, and I should just take a couple motrin and apply heat.

Also, today I breathed and everything fell off the top shelf of my desk. Now Carri's present is broken. How awesome...

Now playing: Wir sind Helden - Nur ein Wort
via FoxyTunes

Sunday, May 24, 2009

German Club

I'm going to jump on the gravy train and blog about German stuff. (One Post) AND (Another One)

I'm not really a club person. I was in one club for like 3 months, and as soon as some people stopped going, I stopped going, and before you knew it I wanted off the email list. I was a DJ for two years, but never went to any legit function thrown by the radio show except one to get a t-shirt. Technically I'm still a DJ now, but haven't been to a show in weeeeeeks. I've been doing my senior research and love using that as an excuse to avoid the elitist asses that work there. Then I went to some club for three meetings before giving up entirely on that one.

This brings us to German Club. (I'm a Sigma Frye, that's more social than school sponsored.) I skipped the first couple meetings because I knew no one in it and was absolutely intimidated by the professor (and we all know now, that was a mistake). Finally, I conned a friend into going with me, and that became the beginning of a beautiful relationship. I'm pretty sure I would do anything with or for these people.

And not only did I attend meetings regularly, I also helped plan stuff. WHAT?!? I know. I helped with a camping trip, a good-bye party for Little Sonja, and random other entertainment things during meetings (Yay Schnappi!).

I had made it my life goal to never have school spirit. I have attended two other colleges prior to Knox. The first one never gave me the feeling like I belonged to their school and I would've never EVER even considered going to sporting events or concerts. I went to a couple plays because one of the three friends I had there were in them. Then as a commuter at the next one, I also didn't really feel like I belonged. Currently, I simply attend a college, and every now and then a basketball game, maybe a swim meet, every jazz concert, nearly every talk by a potential professor in a department that I give a shit about (German, Psych, Bio), and weekly frat parties.

I don't now, or ever, feel like "I am Knox" like all the posters and folders and other crap says. This of course brings me to the Senior Challenge. Why would I want to give to my school? It's my dad's hard earned money. They're just going to call me in 4 months to donate again. And how can I be sure my money goes to what I want it to? Well, I donated some money to German Club. I don't expect a plaque. I don't expect a chair to be named after me. I just want them to be able to buy a water heater for tea, or maybe some mugs. I think I have already been repaid. (I know, sappy right?)

Basically this last term has been one of the best terms I've had here. Most of the things that happen here are, for lack of a better word, shitty. But ever since I started taking German, my life has just become so much happier. And for anyone who knew me before this, you will know how hard it is to do something like that. And I feel like such a nerd talking about how happy I am to be a part of German club - it is definitely number two on my list of reasons to post-bacc - but it has to be said. I hope a Sonja stumbles upon this so she can know how happy she has made me.

Now playing: Ani DiFranco - Self Evident
via FoxyTunes

Saturday, May 23, 2009


The vicodin is not helping my neck or jaw pain. Hopefully the whiskey I consume before and at tonight's event will help out a little. I thought it was ironic (maybe?) that I'm watching Jaws when mine doesn't work well. :)

I really hope tonight is not a let down. I just absolutely love the thought of hanging out with Sonja... I can't tell if I want to go to the Fatih Akin thing or nap. I really want to go to the Fatih Akin thing, but its almost 4 hours, and I'm freaking exhausted. Mostly because of the vicodin, but...yeah.

I think I want a pet Aardvark.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

200th Post!!

So, not only is this a wonderful landmark of blogging, with me reaching my 200th post and all, BUT I did karaoke last night.

I have literally told everyone I've seen/know that wasn't there last night. I am a shy person. I don't do such things. Apparently I do. WOO!

Track list:
Don't Stop Believin' - Journey
How Sweet It Is & Smiling Face - James Taylor
Say You'll Be There - Spice Girls

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


I'm old today. 23?!?

What's next?
Orthopedic shoes? A cane? A JOB?

Now playing: Ernst Jandl - Hoffnung
via FoxyTunes


If there is one thing I learned from tonight, it is that just because my last name is Baker, it does not mean I am good at baking.

I'll just say, some cookies are the size of my head and others are the size of half dollars. I suck at this whole cookies from scratch thing. And by that I mean I dumped the bag of stuff into a bowl with butter and an egg.

Now playing: Paramore - Whoa
via FoxyTunes

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Even More Dreams!

1. I went to HyVee on Main and met up with some friends inside. They invited me to their place and I went with them, leaving my car in a completely legal parking spot (important to later). I came back two days later and my car was completely overgrown with weeds and vines, like it had been years. I'm standing behind it talking to people and then I turn around and I have one of Security's "tickets" on my windshield. It's marked 10:07 and I look at my watch - it's 10:08. I start looking around for him because he couldn't just disappear. He's all the way across the parking lot and walking away. Needless to say, I'm thoroughly confused. Anyway, I get the plants off my car and plan to just sleep there til I'm not drunk anymore (where did that come from? I have no idea). Seth calls me and wants to hang out, so I start driving home. I get to this giant hill near my house and all of a sudden there is snow everywhere; nearly three feet covering the road - nothing else - except for the two lines where previous cars have driven. After I get over the hill, it is completely clear and spring time.

2. I went into the bathroom to check out my nosering cause it had been hurting. There are patches where it looks like skin has been torn or burnt off all over my nose. And at the crown (is that what it's called? the top between my eyes?) there is a huge purple bruise. There are also bruises all over my arms and feet. (including the ones that are really there)

Sunday, May 17, 2009

< untitled again >

Been sitting around wondering about what to do. I haven't received info on the first draft of my methods section, so I can't really work on that. I suppose I could start writing some of the other parts, but......I really don't want to.

I typed up the first 5 scenes of our German film. I have a feeling it's going to get crazy. Sonja agreed to be in it, which means :D for me.

Hopefully shitweek is over. I'm assuming Security will lie its way through the whole debacle and I'll end up paying the fine. That's what they do best.

My arms are covered in bruises. What the hell did I do at the zoo to end up like this? It def wasn't from Egyptian Rat Screw because I was bruising before that. And I'm half sunburnt, so I can't tell if there are more or not. Another fun fact: Still haven't done laundry. I guess I'll do that later today.

Gotta go to the Jazz concert at the Gizmo in like an hour.

I also have to finish things up for the Awards on Friday.

I Hate Security pt. 2

The Security saga continues.

1. The fire alarm went off at exactly the same time as it did on Friday night.

2. It was our apartment's "fault" because our smoke alarm is broken, and therefore we think we can do anything we want.

3. Security is now claiming that they never knew about our alarms being dead and such. And that they never came into our apartment at 2:54 am on Friday to check on things. (for a refresher click) They have no record of Carri calling them about the Carbon Monoxide detector beeping. They have no record of BEATING MY DOOR DOWN and coming into my room while we were sleeping.

4. When I return to my apartment after freezing to death outside, Nate (a blog post of his own) is standing in our living room. The conversation that follows is almost word for word (with parts missing) of what occurred. My answers are not exaggerated here for effect - I actually said these things to security...
"Who lives here?"
"I live here, but I'm going to pee. So you can wait." (I was drunk) I can hear Carri talking about the situation described in 3. I come back out.
"So, you live here? Can I see your ID?"
"Sure! If I can find it." I ruffle through some shit and find it on the counter under a clam shell.
"Oh good, it's nice and sticky."
"Not my fault. And I don't care."
"Ok, who was smoking in here?"
*we don't say anything*
"Ashes don't just appear. Come on fess up. Who did it?"
Someone else says, "He left awhile ago. I don't know his name." (Which ps, was COMPLETELY TRUE)
"Right. So since none of you can fess up to this, even though I know it was one of you, I'll just blame it on all of you. And if the fire alarm goes off again, I'll write you guys up for the other violations and confiscate your alcohol. You can't have it in your common room."
Now, I wanted to say, "Oh, you mean the kitchen where the FRIDGE is? We're all fucking 21 or older. Blow me."
But none of us said anything. and he exits with the wonderful phrase, "Have a good night anyway," followed by a sarcastic laugh. Something like "Well, I showed them...Stupid college kids."

Needless to say, I am quite ecstatic to meet with Student Development about this. It's going to be a blast because I'm going to rat the douches out in a heartbeat. And I'm going to refuse to pay any fines because 1. security knew it was broken, 2. they were assholes about it, and 3. I didn't do anything wrong.

I hope Nate gets fired.

Now playing: Fiona Apple - Shadowboxer
via FoxyTunes

Saturday, May 16, 2009

I Hate Security

Ok, so normally when I have to wake at an abnormally early hour, I stay up until 3 am and just deal with sheer exhaustion until I can finally pass out.

However, last night I went to bed at 10, with the hopes of getting in a good 8ish hours before having to trek to Chicago at 6 am. Two hours after finally falling asleep the fire alarm goes off. For the second time all year. For approximately twenty minutes. Now, if this consisted of an alarm that didn't make my ears bleed, I would've been ok with this. I hid in my bed and fell back asleep until security came in with their loud-as-hell walkie talkies. An hour and an email check later I'm back in bed (1:30 ish). I fall asleep.

THEN, I am woken by the LOUDEST banging on a door I have ever heard in my entire life. The kind of knocking the FBI does when you are hiding terrorists in your apartment. "SECURITY!" This goes on for about ten minutes because I'm too exhausted to know what the fuck is going on. I finally crawl out of my bed and mutter "I'm coming." He has already opened the door and semi came in. "I need to look at your fire alarm. Sorry." Then leaves. Literally says those words in the amount of time it takes to read them, and then peaces out.

No offense, security, but you could've looked at that, oh I don't know, ANY TIME BUT 3 AM WHEN I HAVE TO GET UP IN THREE HOURS.

Now playing: Terrorgruppe - Keiner Hilft Euch
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, May 14, 2009

< Death >

Morning everyone!

People need to stop texting me about deaths back in PA. I'm really not ok with this.

I'm pretty sure I'm still high from last night.


wooo vodka!

ps: love you

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Strange Man in My Apt.

In case you aren't awesome and following me on Twitter (do so here), I would like to explain why in hell I am awake at 4:37 am on a Wednesday morning, without having been up all night drinking.

I will start out with a clarification: I live in an apartment with 3 other females, two of which have girlfriends on campus. This brings the total to 6 people who frequent this apartment during sleeping hours...And they are all female.

So why, I ask you, is it that I woke up at 4:15 to the sound of a man's voice? I thought maybe it was coming from outside my window, some douche at the Jazz House maybe. Well, it was coming from outside, but not my window, dear reader, no. From outside my bedroom door.

Now, normally this wouldn't be a problem (ok, maybe it would) but this particular man was talking very loudly into his cell phone with a voice that can be described only as "He sounded like he belonged on Green Acres." And you know, a diction class wouldn't hurt him in the slightest. And maybe a quick run through a thesaurus for alternatives to "yah."

Anyway, I was lying in bed wondering what the hell is going on and trying to open my eyes, when I hear this very loud beep. OH GOOD. We're all going to die from Carbon Monoxide poisoning and this man is so lovingly waking us up by talking outside the door. "It's not the fier 'larm. It's the monoxiiiide detektor," I hear him say approximately 4 times, before I fully realize what is going on. BEEEEEEEEEP. Oh, cool, can we take the batteries out of that thing and fix it at a normal hour? I don't even care if I die at this point, as long as I get a few more hours of sleep in.

Mein Kopf ist Kaputt

Doctors need to create a way to prevent headaches. Or maybe some sort of surgery that re-wires your body so you never have another one. Cause I've had this one for HOURS. Even a four hour nap/sleep did not help. I would like it to go away.

Started sometime between 1:20 and 2:30, when I was in class. It is now 11:25.

What. The. Shit.

Now playing: Sean Paul ft. Rihanna - Break It Off
via FoxyTunes

Monday, May 11, 2009

I'm a piece of shit

Left my iTunes on while I went to Walmart* to get my prescription; I missed like 2 hours of music. Seems like everything I do is a mistake.

I wish some people < Sonja > would stop making me feel guilty for being honest.

I haven't eaten dinner tonight and I probably won't.

Now playing: Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine
via FoxyTunes

Depression on TV

Yeah, so. The episode of Reba that I'm watching right now is making it sound like taking anti-depressants and/or going to therapy is horrible. The wife finds out that her husband is going to therapy because of old issues he can't work out or forget and she throws him out of the house. She doesn't understand how he can be depressed when he's married to such a wonderful woman. They have been referring to them as "Happy Pills," and pretending like no one should know. She would actually be happier if he was having an affair. How do friendships and marriages end over something as trivial as brain chemistry?

Next scene that pisses me off: The depressed character is cutting tomatoes and told someone, who is now freaking out and trying to remove all the knives from sight. How does, "I'm in therapy," translate into, "I'm going to kill myself at every chance I get?"

Next scene: The daughter appreciates him for being honest and "being a true human being."

This only disturbs me because I happen to be taking them. While I don't really feel like it's necessary to tell everyone you know, I also don't feel that it is taboo to talk about it. If someone asks, I'm going to tell them. I shouldn't feel like I need to lie to them because I'm afraid of them walking on glass around me or treating me like a fragile little China doll. That's generally what they do anyway.

I can't tell if it was from this episode/topic or if it's because I'm hungry, but I kinda feel like I want to throw up. I think too much.

Saturday, May 09, 2009


Yesterday may have been the longest day of my life. Considering my state of intoxication for most of it, I understand; HOWEVER, I just kept thinking that it was Saturday already. And the last time I thought that was around 10 pm. Yeah, that's how long it was. I was having a good time though. Went lots of new places.

Celebrate good times, come on!
Sonja & Tim are basically the most a-mazing people on this planet.

Going camping in about 4 hours! I'm excited. I keep looking at my copy of Into The Wild and thinking, "It's probably a good idea that I never finished reading that...I'd probably be terrified to camp." Because I was skimming it and read the end and he dies. Not a good thing to read right before "roughing it" for a night. Troop Beverly Hills comes to mind now.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Finally Friday

OMG. It's Friday. Flunk Day was on Wednesday. I [probably] did really well on my German exam (except the writing thing). No real obligations. Camping tomorrow. Ahhh.

Wearing some new clothes today! ow ow!

My index finger really freaking hurts. I think I slept on it wrong. I'm in charge of a scavenger hunt for tomorrow aaaaand I'm not done with it yet. Oops. Gotta do so much crap today. My tongue hurts. I hate my breasts. Anyone willing to spare $10,000 for me to get them removed or smaller? I'd appreciate it. I left my bookbag/German stuff in the lab yesterday. And then at 10 pm when I was about to go to the C-Store, I remembered that my ID was in the lab. Greeeeat. Well, I have to feed the fish anyway, so yeah.

Now playing: Ani DiFranco - Out Of Range (acoustic)
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Die College

I know I speckle my posts with German, but the die in the title is not the German article for the, it is a command.

All the posters have fallen off my wall except the turtle one. Is this a sign?
Well, it's a sign that my tape does not go well with these crappy walls...but is it some sort of sign with my life? It must be.

I can't understand why this school can't help me out when I finally found something I'm interested in. Only one person even cares to help, but she can't. I'm hanging from one last thread, and I'm pretty sure it's going to break tomorrow somewhere around 10:45 am.

I have no idea what I will do come September. I hope that it is what I want but all signs are pointing to "too bad, so sad."

I just want to cry about this all, but I can't. It won't fix it anyway, so what's the point?
Now playing: Fiona Apple - Across the Universe
via FoxyTunes

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Holy Flunk!


It's finally Flunk Day. Unfortunately, I did not sleep last night because I was studying for an exam and just drank an energy shot and studied vocab until 3:30 am. Then Beth & I spent a good amount of time refreshing my email in hopes that the asses outside weren't shooting off fireworks and screaming for no reason.

And I mean, who doesn't love being completely intoxicated by 6:36 am, covered in mud & foam by 8:30 am, and hungover at 4:00 pm?

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

I've Got A Case of the Mondays

but it's Tuesday...

Where the hell is Flunk Day? According to emails I received today, it is not until next week. What the shit is that about?

I can't tell if I should give up on my mission to take a class next term or if I should keep working toward it. I don't want to give up, but it's getting really hard. But I really want to, and I'm legitimately interested in it. Enough to change my entire future plans that I had for myself.

And I don't even know how my parents would react if I told them this is what I want. Ugh, then there's the rest of my family, who already make fun of me for how long I've been in college. And Melissa who has been asking me how long until I'm done for months because she misses me. And Aaryn who is coming to my graduation.

And there's other things I need to work out.

Like, how do I really feel? Can I mention it to the people I live with, or are they going to freak out (in a good way) and make it a big deal? Do I really love the person I think I love, or is it just some sort of admiration? I'm not okay with feeling the way I feel about this person. And I really want it to stop. I am not supposed to feel this way. I'm legitimately not okay with it. This isn't allowed to happen to me.

Now playing: Sondre Lerche - Sleep on needles
via FoxyTunes

Monday, May 04, 2009


So many things wrong with today.

Sonja made it slightly better.


Now playing: Snoop Dogg ft. R. Kelly - That's That Shit
via FoxyTunes

Another Boring Sunday

The pipes in this building sound like they are exploding one by one.

So, played a little game of private investigator today. Or by police standards, stalking. I was successful in the end, seeing what I wanted to see and even found some new places on campus that I didn't know existed.

I wrote a song in German!! Lyrics will follow once I have someone glance over them for spelling/grammar errors.

Amelia was supposed to come over and keep me company, but she has too much homework. :(

It is getting relatively late. I should probably do my German homework that is due tomorrow. I don't wanna. I want to sit in my living room with Amelia and talk. That is all. Damn it.

Dear Flunk Day, please come soon. Thanks, Stef.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

In A Goofy Mood

I've got a secret. And I'm sure anyone from my school could tell you the nature of the secret. But I could get into trouble if I told...

Happy May 2nd!

And Happy Birthday to Sue Farkas! If you're reading this, I loved French!
And I love everyone in BV. Thanks for making it the best half-horse town eva!

That's right, we don't even get a whole horse. :)

*no title*

I love my roommates dearly, but half hour showers? With your significant other? When I have to pee? That is frustrating.

Anyone want to meet with Sonja for me? Intimidation does not sit well with me.

I just used's symptom checker because I wanted to know if I had a migraine or something else, and it told me I either have meningitis or an aneurysm. Good to know.

Remember that banquet I didn't want to go to? Well I was at work until almost 6:15, therefore did not make it. I sent them an email expressing my apologies. Because I really am sorry. And then my friends were like "We are drunk," so I went to pick them up. Then there was some stuff about a panic attack and some personal reasons, but now I feel like a shitty member of society. I couldn't even go the banquet that I was being honored at for being a senior...Crap. I hate guilt.

I picked my friends up from the bar and got a wonderful surprise upon exiting...someone had keyed my two spots. Greaaaat. Good thing I didn't like my car, oh wait. I did.

Saturday morning cartoons used to be so awesome. I miss Looney Toons or whatever the shit it was called. I want them back. But I don't know how to find them. Now all we have is Nickelodeon. Yeah. Spongebob - great. Fairly Odd Parents - fine. The Mighty B - crap. Back to the Barnyard - stop now. Dora - i'd rather watch grass grow.

Now playing: Ani diFranco - Used To You
via FoxyTunes

Friday, May 01, 2009

Happy May Day!

I have to go to a banquet tonight. I do not want to go. I do not want the office supply "gift bag" that they are going to give me. I do not want to eat their food. I want to be in my bed, sleeping off the last two days of birthday craziness.

I have a meeting with the Dean today. I am terrified of him saying no. And more terrified of him saying yes.

I need to find some money to either see a neurologist or get some more Excedrin Migraine. Cause it's starting to get ridiculous. And the doctor here said, "Everyone gets headaches." Really? Had no idea...Except not everyone gets them to the point of blurred vision, a swimming feeling, and nausea.

I have to write my senior research paper...GAWD I do not want to do this. At all. I have two pages so far, which only covers half of my methods. I just want to video tape myself and be like "This is what I did. Enjoy."

Now playing: Fiona Apple - The First Taste
via FoxyTunes