Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Had A Depressed Moment

I haven't really been upset all that much this term. It's been a week since I arrived on campus, so one would hope not.

Well, then there's today. I don't know if it's because I've been exhausted since the moment I woke up (at 8:00 am, again...) or what. But today has just been one of those days where nearly everything that is said or done just gets on my last nerve.

The last person to use the lab room down in the bird chamber did not clean it. And the professor apologized and then told me to clean it. I don't really have a lot of work to do, but I don't want to spend some of my "free time" cleaning up someone else's mess. Especially since it is mostly bird shit and bedding. Literal shit. I must've done something really horrible in a past life because every job I get involves me cleaning something. At least J-Temp isn't going to try to rape me...

Speaking of Ed, the boss who sexually harassed me and probably would've tried to get in my pants (and by that I mean 'rip them off' me...his words not mine). Ok, there was nothing else really, except I hate my life for having that happen. It's one of those things that comes to mind when you don't expect to think of something like that, like when you're at the bar with your friend on her 21st birthday. Who wants to think about some guy who said he wanted to rip your clothes off, not in the good way, and starting touching you inappropriately at work? No one.

Another thing on my mind is the fact that I really have no one with an open mind to talk to. Everyone around will have some sort of response to something I say, and I don't want comments. I just want someone to sit there and listen and then be honest enough to say, "I think that is irrational because [insert legitimate reason here]" or "I totally understand what you're saying." Or someone to shoot the shit with, who doesn't focus everything onto themself. I'm usually not self-centered when I'm in a group of people, so I'd like to be some time. I want to talk with someone who actually cares about what I'm going through instead of feeling obligated to listen. And I want that person to be a specific person, but I'm afraid to try.

Haven't had the best of luck with people. I don't like being called "emo" and/or "pathetic." I don't like being told that I'm a waste of life. I just want to sit with the aforementioned person and have him/her listen; tell me I'm normal; smile; hug me. Most importantly the last one. Because that's really all I need right now. A hug from someone special... Yes, my friends are, but that's not who I'm talking about.

And I would give anything in this world to let this person know what he/she means to me without having to actually say it. Why can't he/she just know? Sigh.

I hope that the song included below is true.
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Now playing: Death Cab For Cutie - Someday You Will Be Loved
via FoxyTunes