Sunday, September 03, 2006

no witty title today

so yeah, here's a little update on what's been happenin the last couple days:
  • went and did something totally not like me...i got a fucking tattoo! that is so not me, but i don't really like the old me, so whatever
  • i went to an AA thing today. i really enjoy going. i haven't like introduced myself because the thought of standing up and talking in front of like 20ish people fucking creeps me out. i'd have an anxiety attack before i got through "I'm Stef." it would just be embarrassing to not get through it.
  • um...i haven't packed for college yet. i leave monday night, its like sunday morning, (1246 am, but still)
for the last few weeks i have had to watch someone i care about more than me deal with a very verbally abusive relationship. i know why she hasn't left and all, and its legitimate, but every time i hear it i get more upset than ever and then even more because i know there's nothing i can do about it. if there was anything i could do besides be there when he pisses her off and she wants to vent. i'm really torn about whether me leaving for 10 weeks is good or bad. on one hand, i won't have to hear it. but on the other, larger hand, i don't really want to not be there.

***I know that some people have a problem with the fact that i have depression, so those people should stop reading now.
i had a chat with a friend of mine recently about random shit, but as always, my brain was like "no, you must not have a good time." i started crying and was so embarrassed that i was happy that it was too dark outside to see me. naturally, a caring person would ask what was wrong, or if i was ok, and she did. well, considering my past with the truth, i lied. and considering she has brain cells, she knew it. well 45 minutes and a cruller later, i told her. and for the first time, i didn't feel like i was going to be cut off from communication or that she would tell everyone she knew. because it was late, i left without saying all that i should've, but i mean i have monday...ooh baby? no. that is like not enough time with all the shit i still have left to do. but if someone stands up and walks over to you, rips shit out of your hands to hug you and say that he/she loves you...i don't even know. cause this is strange to me.

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