Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Fuck Life

Ok, so here goes.

The diet is basically going shittily. I am not losing weight. I am always tired. No one is around to support me. My dad buys pizza and cooks pasta all the time and I can't very well be like "hey buy this more expensive shit so can be less gross." I can't move back in with Rae for support because I don't want to leave Knox. I push myself to such extremes to try and burn 3,5oo calories a day just to lose a single fucking pound. I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna die from either exhaustion or heart disease from being so god damn fat.

When I look in a mirror all I see is gross. There's no doubt about why I'm still a virgin...It's cause I'm fat and ugly. No guy wants to take clothes off of someone who looks like me. I'm pretty sure I couldn't even be a rape victim. I can't buy shorts because no stores around here sell them in my size for females under age 45. I went to three stores and found 1 pair. One...and they aren't even jean shorts or khakis..they are sports-ish shorts. It's depressing to have to wear jeans to everything I go to because I can't find clothes to fit me. I reweighed my breasts the other day...6 pounds. I also can't find bras that fit that are in my price range. I can not afford to pay $60 for a bra. So I will go through life wearing 1 cup size too small and too big around, with too long of straps bras. FUCK EVERYTHING! I will never go on a date. I will never have sex. I will never make out with someone at a party. God has obviously decided to punish me for something I did by making me one of life's rejects.

1 comment:

Rae said...

Aww stef you are doing so good on the diet though. Pushing yourself too hard will just make you give up when you dont see results. It is like binge eating. You can starve yourself but eventually you will gorge on a bunch of shit and then feel depressed. With exercise you will overdo it and then be pissed off that it isnt working quick enough. Give it time. You didnt put the weight on in 2 weeks. Post on the panic section on spark. They are very helpful there.