Thursday, June 22, 2006

Presenting Pathetic Maria Baker

This is gonna be depressing. Just a warning. Well, most of it.. I'll colorize it, so you know which to read. Red is :( other is :).

I'm starting to really hate everything about my life again. All I can do is sit around my house and watch tv because I've applied so many places and haven't had one job offer. All my other friends work and are therefore too tired to do anything at night. I wouldn't be that upset about it, except my dad has to pay for everything for me. And he doesn't make that much money at all. We're going on vacation and I feel bad because he's gonna have to buy all my food and pay for gas, etc. He has to pay my cell phone bill, for my gas at school. He even pays for my alcohol in an indirect way. And my family is really mean about the whole thing. "Why aren't you working? You bum. Get a job." Well, fuck you guys because I'm trying really fucking hard to get a job. I don't enjoy sitting around all day doing nothing. They have no idea how hard I really try...And I want them to stop, and said something to my dad about it and all he said was "that's what they're like. they're just joking." Well, that's great. But I want to cry everytime they say something to me about it.

This whole diet thing has only led me to lose 6 pounds since I got home...That is not cool at all.
I am always going to be fat and ugly and gross. And this just makes me depressed so I sit and eat ice cream right out of the container on my bed at 2 am. Running only makes my body ache and I have no money to go to like a gym or whatever. I can't even afford gas to go to the walking place. I am always hungry and drinking 15 glasses of water a day just makes me pee a lot.

Just because I have never had a boyfriend, I must be a lesbian. This is the way my family thinks. Well, I'm sorry that I am not everyone's fuck buddy. It's not like I don't try to get fucked. Ok, actually I don't try that hard, but I don't see how anyone would want to be with me. Like I said, I'm fat and ugly and gross. I am sick of people telling me that I am gay. I'm not. I really enjoy penis-vagina interactions. The thought of me sticking my tongue on a vagina makes me a little nauseus. No offense, its just not for me. And I want to cry everytime someone accuses me of it. And along those lines, just because I have a male friend, doesn't mean we are dating and/or fucking. My family is also so closed-minded. When my uncle learned that Robbie was gay, he was like "Why doesn't he like girls? He should be dating you." How the fuck do I answer that? I don't know...he just doesn't. And I'm sorry that most of my guy friends are gay. They actually pay attention to me and aren't complete assholes. And I have straight guy friends...not many, but they're there. Bret, Dominic, Brett, Zee, Mike, Perrie, Brian, Jake, John, Mike dos. Oh wait, could it be? They outweigh the gay...Robbie, Seth, Nait, Doug, Ian (flora, not to be confused with a reader's significant other). OMG, they do.

Anyway, I passed up an opportunity to get drunk because I would've had to drive home. Gah, boyfriends not letting me sleep places. I am so excited that I'm going to the Outer Banks soon. And by soon, I mean not so much. It's still June...It sucks. However Robbie is gonna come visit after I get back. WOOOOOOO!!!!! I can't let him meet my family other than like my dad because they will probably scare him into never seeing me again. I really want August to come because that marks so much fun and I will get to go back to Knox. I can't wait to get trashed and walk to the caf or get trashed and go to the broadview or get trashed and pass out in a corner rolled up in a blanket...oh wait. That night never happened. heh heh heh...So...Perkins. Been there so many times since I got back. What a bank account killer.

Woo, finally Friday again. This friday I will get to go to Al's Melons and see if he will hire me. If McDonald's doesn't even give a call back, then you must really be pathetic. Well, then my new name is Pathetic Maria Baker.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

well, i can't find a job either. so you're not the only one. i've applied to like 20 places and nobody will hire me. it's really sad. i hate life here too. i don't really have any friends here (besides perrie) and i don't even have a car to get around. all i eat is ramen and it sucks. i wish you were back here so we could at least hang out. i'm thinking about seriously going home or else i'll probably kill myself here.

i hope the rest of the summer proves to be better. oh, and i don't think you're gay. i know you like penis. just like me :)