Thursday, February 23, 2006

Uno Revelation

That's broken Spanish for "A Revelation."

I am drinking the last soda I will ever purchase...and by ever I mean, this term at the least. Yes, there may only be 17 days left, but I am making the choice to become healthier. "Kudos, Stef." You may be thinking that very statement, but before you get too excited for me, let me explain why. It has nothing to do with wanting to look anorexic because the media has entranced men into thinking that is the only good woman out there. It has nothing to do with lowering my chance of getting heart disease, diabetes, etc. It has nothing to do with peer pressure or really even the way I wish I looked. It simply has to do with the four pounds of breasts (remember back to that post?) that lay upon my chest. They have been converted into approximately five pounds. Now, I don't have a scale here, so I could be a little off in my figures, but I do know they have grown, and since I couldn't find a DD, how in hell can I find a DDD or perhaps an E?

I also have a yeast infection on my head. For those of you who are like "huh? what? her vagina's on her head?" I'd like to point out that it simply means I have dandruff. I mean, everyone has it to some degree, but my head hates me. I plan on pouring listerine over my head over spring break, if the problem has not subsided by then. I do everything I can to make it go away, but alas, I fail. I have special shampoo, I pour things on my head that should never be on heads, shower in cold water, and yet, I can still make snow wherever I go. (LOL, that rhymes) I am sorry to whomever out there I disgust by snowing on them, but I really can't help it. I am doing everything in my power that my bank account allows to fix it. Bare with me.

Ok, so Prof. Fuckshit finally gave me a 5/5 on an assignment. I really thought I could go the whole term without a 5/5, but he made me lose my bet...damn. Now, honestly, what teacher says things like "doing the assignment isn't good enough" ? No one, exactly. That is why his name is Professor Fuckshit. You will no doubtedly hear more about him next term, because lucky Stef has him then also. YAY (no). Ew, today he compared himself to Mr. Mackey from South Park and kept going "mmKay." We were like,"WTF are you doing, Professor Fuckshit?" But, he's an ass, so all is well.

It's beginning to look at lot like...spring break time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111

I get to have oral surgery, hopefully late in the week, so I can go to Pittsburgh and get so fucking drunk that the whole spring break is a blur. Actually, in a way, I hope its not, because I kinda just want to sit in my room and play with Captain Whiskers while falling asleep to A Bug's Life. (see, you scoff, but that is what I do...don't judge me) A Bug's Life is so...boring, I guess, that it puts me to sleep. One time, I put it in, pressed play and fell asleep before the first words were I just heard the music and was like "zzzZZZZZZzzz."
Also, Jason had to miss out on Winter Term, because I'm retarded and forgot to pack him...Who leaves their vibrator on their bedroom floor in their dad's house for 10 weeks? Retarded people, that's who...and that would be me. Since he was not present for this term, I may need to buy a 12 pack of AA batteries (the small ones, lol *thanks Polly*) and let nature take its course. Come spring term, I may have no stress or worries because...well it'll be because my vagina will hurt so much, but also, all the tension will be gone. I'm going to miss my therapist over spring break. I hope she lets me come back after spring break. I like her.

There was a squirrel in a tree on my way home from SMAC, and he was like yelling at me...I don't know what I did, but if he comes across this, I'd like him to know that I am sorry.


Anonymous said...

hmm you should be healthier. so should i, considering i've stopped eating all together. and i wonder what you write about in your not so secret blog. i bet now you feel censored because you know i read it. oh well. are you jealous that i will have a single for the rest of the term? possibly for the rest of the year? yessssssss. hope you don't fail your chem test tomorrow. gooooood luck!

Anonymous said...

ummm steffi it's been like 5 days since you've updated. i think i'm dying without knowing what's going on in your life. wriiiiiiite some more!

Muskie said...

Well I happened by your blog again today and what are you writing about? "Four pounds of breasts" again. I'd warn you that repeatedly doing this may result in some unscrupulous people arriving at your blog and hasseling you. Using the phrase "my big black buck" probably doesn't help either.

One of the keywords/phrases I saw recently in one my visitor tracking programs was "13 year old korean girl". Rest assured I never used that exact phrase, but perhaps I wrote one too many times about all the Koreans I kept meeting...

Cheers from Canada,