Thursday, February 23, 2006

Uno Revelation

That's broken Spanish for "A Revelation."

I am drinking the last soda I will ever purchase...and by ever I mean, this term at the least. Yes, there may only be 17 days left, but I am making the choice to become healthier. "Kudos, Stef." You may be thinking that very statement, but before you get too excited for me, let me explain why. It has nothing to do with wanting to look anorexic because the media has entranced men into thinking that is the only good woman out there. It has nothing to do with lowering my chance of getting heart disease, diabetes, etc. It has nothing to do with peer pressure or really even the way I wish I looked. It simply has to do with the four pounds of breasts (remember back to that post?) that lay upon my chest. They have been converted into approximately five pounds. Now, I don't have a scale here, so I could be a little off in my figures, but I do know they have grown, and since I couldn't find a DD, how in hell can I find a DDD or perhaps an E?

I also have a yeast infection on my head. For those of you who are like "huh? what? her vagina's on her head?" I'd like to point out that it simply means I have dandruff. I mean, everyone has it to some degree, but my head hates me. I plan on pouring listerine over my head over spring break, if the problem has not subsided by then. I do everything I can to make it go away, but alas, I fail. I have special shampoo, I pour things on my head that should never be on heads, shower in cold water, and yet, I can still make snow wherever I go. (LOL, that rhymes) I am sorry to whomever out there I disgust by snowing on them, but I really can't help it. I am doing everything in my power that my bank account allows to fix it. Bare with me.

Ok, so Prof. Fuckshit finally gave me a 5/5 on an assignment. I really thought I could go the whole term without a 5/5, but he made me lose my bet...damn. Now, honestly, what teacher says things like "doing the assignment isn't good enough" ? No one, exactly. That is why his name is Professor Fuckshit. You will no doubtedly hear more about him next term, because lucky Stef has him then also. YAY (no). Ew, today he compared himself to Mr. Mackey from South Park and kept going "mmKay." We were like,"WTF are you doing, Professor Fuckshit?" But, he's an ass, so all is well.

It's beginning to look at lot like...spring break time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111

I get to have oral surgery, hopefully late in the week, so I can go to Pittsburgh and get so fucking drunk that the whole spring break is a blur. Actually, in a way, I hope its not, because I kinda just want to sit in my room and play with Captain Whiskers while falling asleep to A Bug's Life. (see, you scoff, but that is what I do...don't judge me) A Bug's Life is so...boring, I guess, that it puts me to sleep. One time, I put it in, pressed play and fell asleep before the first words were I just heard the music and was like "zzzZZZZZZzzz."
Also, Jason had to miss out on Winter Term, because I'm retarded and forgot to pack him...Who leaves their vibrator on their bedroom floor in their dad's house for 10 weeks? Retarded people, that's who...and that would be me. Since he was not present for this term, I may need to buy a 12 pack of AA batteries (the small ones, lol *thanks Polly*) and let nature take its course. Come spring term, I may have no stress or worries because...well it'll be because my vagina will hurt so much, but also, all the tension will be gone. I'm going to miss my therapist over spring break. I hope she lets me come back after spring break. I like her.

There was a squirrel in a tree on my way home from SMAC, and he was like yelling at me...I don't know what I did, but if he comes across this, I'd like him to know that I am sorry.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Um, updated by request

Nothing has happened, but Morgan wanted me to update. I went to Steak 'n' Shake again last night. Woo hoo, right? Um...I'm eating popcorn right now. And kinda studying for my chemistry test, although there's really no point to it. No one I've talked to knows what the fuck is going on in class, but we all just sit and stare and nod our heads. Uh...yeah, its getting harder and harder to pull things out of my ass.

Only 18 days until spring break...I can't wait.

Monday, February 20, 2006

It's just another manic monday...

Thank you Bangles for allowing me to utilize that quote. It is 3:48 am. I have been awake since noon thirty. I now have 1 full, 2 partial paragraphs for the essay that has to be done by 1:30. I have yet to study for my Bio exam which is in a little over 5 hours. I just got back from Steak 'n' Shake, which was hella insane because...well that's for me to know and you to never find out. I rode in a taxi for the first time ever, and there happened to be firetrucks whizzing by, almost landing us on the curb. Uh...oh right, now for the reason you bothered to read this blog...(assuming you made it this far)

Douglas and I have reached a point in our relationship entitled "full penetration." I think we may have reached the point entitled "OH GOD, I JUST ORGASMED." However, I don't know yet. You will have to wait for an update on that one. I might have to and see the symptoms of No. I won't really do that.

This will be my first college all nighter...I may have to release some more tension by having more sex with my big black beautiful buck.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Whiskey & Douglas

Just got back from a cast party for my friend's play....Everyone was really drunk. I only had like 4 shots of alcohol total, so I wasn't that far gone. We walked to the Broadview (aka hotel restaurant where drunken college students go at 3am) but there was a line so we walked back to our building. It is fucking 0 (zero) degrees outside...WHAT THE FUCK!!!

My breasts have grown, and I must say I really dislike it.

I also do not hate my roommate anymore. She is actually pretty cool. We can bond over the fact that we both hate our bio class and wish there was not a quiz EVERY FUCKING DAY!

All my friends except Morgan, Mike & Sarah went to the Big Gay Conference because, well they are gay. And by all I mean Seth, Aaryn, and Carri. So, Morgan and I decided to drive to Iowa again. We went to the mall where we took pictures of ourselves looking retarded. But hell, we had no money and nothing else to do...When we got back we went to a frat party. It was hella insane. (in a good way) That brings us to today...hungoverness, lunch at the caf (taco day woot), "As You Like It" and then cast party.

Morgan is awesome...and hot. But she doesn't think so. Whatev...she is. I have a bio exam Monday, and I should study because it pretty much is the deciding factor on whether I pass or not....HMMMM? I also have an essay to write tomorrow. TOMORROW WILL SUCK!!! And by tomorrow I mean later today because it's fucking 2:56 am, and I'm not tired. Nor do I feel the urge to go back to the Broadview and hope for a table. So I will sit here and drunkingly write an essay.

I had Whiskey today and it was really good. It was mixed with some sort of store brand soda entitled "sour." It was really good. I also had some Bahama Mama and some sort of Golden Rum...not sure. Anyway I couldn't stand and this weird guy Evan kissed me.

Douglas is my new boyfriend. (Keep in mind, I am a virgin when you read this next sentence) We tried having sex last night, but he is too fucking thick, so he settled for me sucking it. Yeah, not typical Stef behavior but deal with it. (PS: he is black) Maybe we will try again tonight. He's here with me right now. Oh god, I am horny. I know you needed to know that...

Ok, as it is 3:00 am, I'm going to do something other than sit here and go on and on about my sexual encounters and new found alcohol addiction.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

i'm a bit intoxicated

um, keystone light is really gross...and i've only had two so far
i have labyrinthitis
i love college
sarah and mike and morgan and seth are awesome
morgan is hot
i went to peoria today and almost died in a car accident
holla back