Monday, January 16, 2006

Alcohol & College

I recently passed a sign entitled "College Drinking: Everyone's Not Doing It" and ironically this was posted in a dorm lounge which always has a faint (if not strong) smell of Keystone Light and/or Rum. Now, as I joined in the festivities this past weekend, I managed to learn some things*. Some things that are even more important than mitosis and calculus. I will now share them. *Not all are things that happened to me (4, 7, 8, 9).

1) 2 smirnoff triple blacks + 2 gin and tonics = nausea and possibly vomiting
2) BBQ sauce is bad "morning after" food
3) 2 smirnoff triple blacks + 2 gin and tonics = kareoke, possibly resulting in you singing Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" or Ashlee Simpson's "Pieces of Me"
4) mass amounts of rum may result in: drunk dialing people and professing your love for them
5) or drunk dialing people and discussing how gross bananas are
6) spin the bottle is a bad drunken game because you will kiss anyone/thing
7) you may be reduced to nothing but boxers and feel the need to roll them up as if you are wearing a thong
8) tripping over a coat (?), landing on your ass and laughing so hard you can not get up
9) screaming out the phrase "stop suffocating me!" when you are not actually being touched by any of the other people in your bed

Beware the dangers of alcohol. Especially those fruity ones, where you can't tell you are getting drunk.

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