Saturday, October 08, 2005

Eskimoism and Casey the Lizard

Grr...its so freezing cold here in the northern part of Earth...Damn, I am glad I am not an eskimo.

So, my Aunt Flo has decided to take a vacation from her visit to me. Thank Christ...I can finally be comfy in my warm comfy clothing. I was at Perkins last night, and was so buzzed that I sat at my computer doing online word searches singing "I'm on a caffiene buzz. Buzz buzz buzz! I'm buzzed! Yeah, buzzed." Until 6:30ish am. Then I slept in until fucking 10:30 am...WOOO HOOO!!!

Low budget films are so terrible that they are the best movies to watch. I just watched Garganuta, or some crap like that, and when the guy got eaten by the giant lizard...Oh God, it was amazing. The obvious fake legs and shittily computer generated scene. Oh, I wish I could watch it again. And they obviously can't hire real script writers, so they hire some Joe Schmo off the street to come in and write whatever nonsensical crap they can think of. For example: The kid is sitting there with the baby of the monster after it witnessed its mother being shot by these weird people trying to capture them, which makes no sense...but anyway not the point. This guy, who is dressed like a Jimmy Buffett fan, comes up and looks at him. And the kid, for no reason just goes, "I had a dog once. He ran away. His name was Casey. (pets the lizard's head) Maybe I'll name him Casey." WTF!?!?

My friend "Brittany" was totally screwed over by a friend, and I feel bad for her. She said she would never leave her room again...If I had a penis, I would go comfort her and make everything ok, alas, I am just a girl. And a girl on her period on top of that...even worse. If you read this, "Brittany," I want you to know, I love you and you will be ok. :)

Egad, I am bored and cold. Eskimos have to be nutso. Why would you choose to live in a house made of snow and ice? Freaks...Sorry, if you're an eskimo. I guess I'd have to be one for a day or an hour or something to know just how much it sucks. I think they like eat seals and stuff...Seals are cute. I wouldn't mind the parka though. Seems like a nice invention. I should get one now. Jesus, I'm not even outside, and I'm sooo cold. My fingers are beginning to become numb...therefore I must use all my typing skills to type as fast as possible. Which, if I can remember back to ninth grade typing, is somewhere along the lines of 80 wpm. Anyway, back to Eskimoism. On the other hand, I would get to sled ride all the time. And be pulled by dogs, so climbing up a hill wouldn't take any effort. I'm not really good at fishing, as I have no patience. I'd probably starve. I could never kill an innocent looking polar bear or fox or whatever animals they have in the cold and I can't fish. And even if I stumbled across a carcass, my fire starting skills are, well, nonexistent. Well, I guess I better find some sort of plant. At least with all the snow I will keep hydrated.

So, in order to be a little more open to Eskimoism, I googled them. They eat whales...That is fucking disgusting. And caribou, which I guess could be like deer. Still, yuck. They don't all live in igloos. Some live underground and some live in caribou tents. I don't like things that live underground...and tents are not my thing. Give me a Best Western or even a dirty Travelodge that is obviously a hooker stomping ground and/or druggie hot spot. Good thing I am kick ass at kayaking...I could beat my little eskimo buddies' asses in a race. Learning a new language wouldn't be too fun, though. A plus! I wouldn't need to start a fire, because they like to save their fuel for more important things than cooking. Score!

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