Saturday, August 13, 2005

Yesterday was fun. I went kayaking, which wasn't fun, but the fact that I was not in the office made it fun. The woman who taught us, Kathleen, was sooo nice. I really enjoy when I meet nice people, it seriously makes my day brighter. Then, after that, I went to Allegheny because my boss is like a slave driver and made me sort through muck and seaweed and smelly shit for invertebrates. Fortunately, there were no samples for me to sort through, so I sat in the parking lot and read "The Scarlet Letter" because I was waiting for Norma to get done with her things. Then, I went to her house and...well did nothing but talk, but I mean what else do you need? I actually have more fun lying on her futon watching her feed her cats and talking to her, then I do going out with a bunch of people to drink coffee at Perkins. Coincidentally, that was what I had planned, but then I had another emotional breakdown and ended up just blowing off my friends, which I might add, I have NEVER EVER done. Aaryn called to make sure I was ok, becuase I am always annoyingly on time, which made me happy. It made me feel a little better to know that they weren't just like "Well, I guess Stef isn't coming."

Norma gave me this thing about living in the moment. Which, I plan to try today. It says that you should think about the future when you have something fun planned...and I do today. If I think it is going to be fun, it will be. It's all psychological, and I'm willing to be optimistic for a day. I am going to a picnic at Melissa's house and then playing Scrabble with Norma and then going to Chinese with Melissa. Hopefully shitloads of people I don't like aren't there, because I will just get up and leave.

I discovered last night, I don't know how to show anger. I internalize it. Or I let it build up, go home, and punch a wall and/or dresser and then when I'm feeling physical pain, I feel better. Quite odd, if you ask me, but...That's what I am. Odd.

Hmm...I found a picture of the cutest fucking puppy I have ever seen. OMFG, it is so fucking cute. I think I would sell my soul to own that puppy.

1 comment:

Rae said...

internalizing you anger is how cutting begins