Friday, June 04, 2004

boredom has struck...again we are again. Insane boredom. I took a shower and got dressed in something other than my pajamas. Damn dress codes at graduations. Sheesh. Anywho. My friend wants me to get an ass tattoo for my 18th birthday. "Because you can." Wonderful...since I love pain and showing my ass to people. "These are a few of my favorite things..." Thank you Julie Andrews.

Thursday, June 03, 2004


I can remember sitting on the bus in first grade and turning around to see the rowdy high schoolers. They were so cool - they got to sit in the back (to a six year old, that is cool) and had tons of friends. I never thought that I would reach that stage of my life. It just seemed so far away. But now, it's happening tomorrow.

I was reading an article in the senior issue of "The Bark," my school's newspaper, by one of my friends. "Hearing" her say good-bye to everyone that she will probably never see again brought a tear to my eye. Of all my friends, there are only two I feel I miss completely. Perhaps it is because one is moving to Florida and the other to Canada (maybe). I realize that there are summer vacations and telephones and e-mail. But for some reason, I can't help being super sad. I don't know how someone can't be. I mean, life is like a book and this chapter is over. We have reached the climax and there's no going back.

For the last month, all the seniors, including me, were saying how much they wanted it to end, how much they wanted to get out of the hell hole, etc. The moment I stepped out of the school on the last day, I was relieved - a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders, all my stress headaches went away, and for the first night in four years, I slept very well. But, how happy am I that it's over? I don't really know how to answer that question. Of course I won't miss the graduation project, crowded halls, obnoxious/stupid people, grouchy teachers, note taking, and tests. But I will miss eating lunch outside with my friends, having "study" parties, even my biannual choir concerts.

All I have to say to any 2004 graduate who happens to stumble upon this is: It's been one hell of a ride.


I am really bored. I don't really have a lot to say. Perhaps I will go to sleep or something. I don't know. I'm watching "Whose Line is it Anyway?" I have to get up early tomorrow for graduation practice. BLAH!!!

I am addicted to downloading music. For the record, I don't do it illegally. I always do it. I must always be doing it, or I feel odd. I am always looking for new things to dl. I know, I am an emo loser.

That sucks because emo is a disease and I don't want it.

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

‘oh look a needle. i think ill touch it.’

disney movies are also one of my many, many gripes. they teach kids that what ever you want you can get which as i have discovered is not true at all. ill take peter pan as an example first. he doesn’t want to grow up so he goes to neverland, where boys don’t have to grow up. then he can fly. with the help of some pixie dust. pixies don’t even exist. i know your saying well its just a cartoon movie. i don’t care. little kids learn from what they see. and then at the end, the boat turns gold from the pixie dust and flies away. that is physically impossible. a boat cannot fly. and the kids get kidnapped by the indians and don’t get scalped they just share the peace pipe with them. and the pirates. come on they would have definitely had to walk the plank or got shot. i know i know its just a movie. next ill use the little mermaid 2. in the first one ariel wants to become a human to be with eric. she does then the seawitch(umm no) fights her and her dad turns her into a human for good. when she then leaves her entire family and all her friends to be with her boyfriend. then in the second one- her daughter wants to be a mermaid. ok she goes to the seawitch’s sister(like i said no) and becomes a mermaid. she then gets trapped in a thing like a cave i think. ariel turns back in to a mermaid to help her and then they both become and stay humans. like if she wanted to be a mermaid why doesn’t she become one for good. it just doesn’t make sense. how about in the first one when the coral spells out fuc yu. hello. kids notice small things like that. even if its only for a few seconds. and in the lion king when simba falls into the grass after talking to timon and pumbaa, he yells, ‘you said you’d always be there for me’ and falls. the leaves and flowers that fly spell out sex. im not the one who noticed these so don’t think that’s how i spend my time. someone pointed these out to me. and another thing about the lion king those hyenas would have eaten their cub asses. and there’s no way that zazu would have survived after being sat on by a rhino. and when scar took over the pride lands the females could have taken over the pride. cause i mean there was like one scar and like twenty or so women. us females have power damn it. and i wish men wouldn’t take us for granted. they think women are only here for sex and to make more men. so they go out and hunt and sit at bars while women are at home taking care of the screaming kids that they made because women are only good for that. we also have to do laundry, cook, clean the house and make sure our husbands get to work on time. since we cant work. men are definitely the dominate sex and it pisses me off. i mean like a woman and a man go out for the same promotion. the woman has had three years of experience with five years of college at a middle level school. the man started a few months ago but went to a high level school for six years. the man will get chosen because one he’s a man and two he went to a more expensive college. he had better education according to the guy hiring him. the woman will then be hired as his secretary. he relies on her to meet all the deadlines and all the other important stuff because he cant do it and she wants to save his ass. she then gets caught doing all the work after two years of this. he gets fired and she gets promoted. its sad but it happens and not just in movies. back to disney. i love this movie, its my favorite disney movie but i have to. its beauty and the beast. first off the librarian gives her the book he just gives it to her. unless they were the best of friends or related or something im not seeing that happen. i know i would never just give a book away to my best friend. then the horse is walking through the woods and he gets scared. its wolves. the wolves scare the horse and it runs away. it just happens to know the way back to its house after getting lost. no. i don’t even know any horses that know the way home when they’re not lost. and i know they’re under a spell, but candlesticks and clocks and spoons, etc. don’t sing and dance. and how do they always all know the words. like in almost every movie that has singing. for example grease. they out of nowhere ask sandy what she did this summer and they start singing summer nights. every one knows the words. they just met this girl and they all know. its not like they could rehearse or anything. anyway. and belle falls in love with this beast who kidnapped her father and locked her in a room and refused to let her eat because she wouldn’t eat with him. and it just happened to be the time when the last petal fell off his rose. and the people from the village all go to the castle to kill him, that’s a good thing to teach kids. lets kill the beast. i know i don’t want my kids subjected to this kind of violence. they say that kids watch to much violence but they put it in children’s movies. how is that supposed to help kids get away from seeing violence. but its an obvious thing that my kids, if i ever have any, will watch all disney movies because that’s a part of being young. i also enjoy the movie sleeping beauty. but she goes upstairs in that tower and sticks her finger on a spinning wheel. who does that? i know i don’t go into unknown places and just prick my finger on spinning wheels. its like ‘oh look a needle. i think ill touch it.’ no i don’t think so. aladdin is next. im not gonna go through them all but just the ones i see fit. he finds a genie who gives him every thing he wants. and his last wish is to set the genie free. i understand they became friends but i know that if everyone in a state found a genie only about .4 percent would wish for the genie to be free. if that many. i certainly wouldn’t. but i guess that would just mean i was selfish. and how would a princess fall in love with ‘prince ali’ after seeing him once. they get married ok so every movie has a happy ending. and the last one is the parent trap. i don’t think there is anyway that twins separated at birth would miraculously meet at a camp 11 or 12 years later. one is all rich and is from england. why would she go to a summer camp in the us. then they work out a plan to switch places and learn everything about each other and get their parents to meet and fall in love again. and what is the possibility of them still looking the same you know neither one has braces or glasses. im guessing the probability of them meeting is about one million to one. if not higher like a billion or something. but there’s always that one chance.

It's 9 am on my summer vacation...GAH!!!

So morning has come again. Someone I was talking to said she looked like someone threw up her on. Well, I feel like the one who did it. Internet Explorer sucks. I can't handle 508 popups/hr. My trip is approaching and I'm starting to get a little excited and nervous. I wish that I could post what I do every day, but my family in Germany doesn't have a computer. I guess I will do it when I return home. I think that I have slight psychic powers. I have predicted the Super Bowl winner two years in a row. Also, I know what people are gonna say or do before they say or do it. I'm listening to Big Pimpin' by Jay-Z. I love rap and hip hop. People find that hard to believe because, well, first off I'm white. Second, I'm a really quiet, keep to myself kinda gal. Third, I'm a girl. I don't know but it seems that people are amazed that I listen to like Ludacris and Snoop Dogg. (Who I might add are awesome!!!) I use proper grammar and hate when people don't. I use big words like 'perhaps.' I guess that makes people think I'm against such things as "I wanna li- li- li- lick you from your head to your toes" (Ludacris!!) Also, I used to love country. But no...that stage of my life has passed. I mean I still listen to some. My favorite kind of Kool-aid is Watermelon Kiwi. It's really cool because the powder is whitish with pink and green specks. Then, when you add water it turns green. I can and do drink gallons a day. Hey, it's better than pop. Here in hickville we call it pop, not soda. When I go to college, I'm going to have to take my own water. The water in the college is chlorinated. I did not know this when I visited. "Surprise! Our water tastes like crap! Enjoy!" I cleaned my room the other day and ended up throwing away about ten garbage bags full of shit that I don't need/want. My room looks damn good now. Before it looked like a six year old's dwelling. "Perhaps is not a big word," you may be thinking from reading the above statement. Well, if you went to my school, you would see that about 40% probably don't even know what the word means. Last night I thought I was having a heart attack. My left arm was tingly, but I guess it was just asleep. I had a cramp in the peace sign fingers, too. Well, I guess I'm fine seeing as how I am typing right now. I'm watching Lifetime. Those movies are so shitty. "Oh I was raped!!" *tear* I slammed my hands on the keyboard earlier from boredom and this is what I got. "hyn gt" Yeah...a work of literary art.

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

The Poem (by request)

This is the edited version I turned in. They had a limit on lines, but I guess that didn't make any difference.

"Good Bye"
Everything was going fine,
At least I thought it was.
You always seemed so happy,
Never showing pain, or fear.
We always lauged together,
Sharing every joke.
So why'd you have to do it?
Why'd you make it stop?
You know I'm gonna miss you,
Every day and every night.
I loved you like a sister,
So why'd you have to leave?
Remember all the fun we had?
I do, like it was yesterday.
Through good and bad
We stuck together.
And there's one last thing
That I must do.
And that's say the words
I never thought I'd say to you, "Good bye."


Evening has come. Woot! Not that something exciting will happen now, but it does mean that the day is almost over. Boredom is so immense now, I want to shoot myself in the face. I was thinking that I might post that award winning poem. (well, it had better be award winning) It is so hot in my room - 80 degrees. It's only 67 outside. It has started storming, well it's off and on. There was just a rainbow. I hate storms. I have a phobia of them.

So I did the dishes today. If you knew me, you would understand why that is a big feat for me. Then I got dizzy and almost fainted so I slept. Anyway. This blog is just randomness. I just write whatever is on my mind. Sometimes it doesn't even make sense.

I decided on the perfect date: A candle lit dinner, that we don't have to go out for, and then sitting (or other) on the beach until the sun comes up. Yeah, I know cheesy and cliche like in the song I.O.U. One Galaxy by the Ataris. (download this, it's awesome) I guess I should work on getting someone to share that date with...

Here is some of my "free form bitching" as I call it because that is what it is. It's about my highschool:
Has there ever been a time in your life when you wanted to die? I mean everything you did just seemed to make you even more upset. You got frustrated easily and when someone said something to you, you wanted to bite his/her head off. This horrible thing went on for about four years during the hellish period of my life I like to call high school. There is nothing worse than waking up every morning knowing you have to enter a building that causes you so much strife.
I was so sick of tuning in to a TV show and seeing the children skip merrily to school and enjoy themselves. They would always be eating lunch outside at a picnic table or inside at a table just big enough to fit all their friends. The teachers would know everyone’s name and ask how parents and grandparents were. Classes were always full of exciting new things to learn and hands-on experiments. Everyone got along, regardless of race, religion, social class, or sexual preference.
In reality, children have to ride noisy, smelly buses for sometimes an hour to school. Bees plague the outside tables at my school and if you wish to eat indoors, you have to rush to the cafeteria to get a chair and then sit at a table where you sometimes have to hold your lunch in your lap due to lack of space. Some teachers barely know your name by the end of the year and hide it with generic phrases and gestures. They could care less how Mom and Dad are doing. TV classes were never shown as the boring lectures or educational films that were made fifty years ago that exist. Experiments turned computer simulated. Fights broke out all the time because a Jewish boy was talking to a Spanish girl. A boy would be beat up daily because his family was untraditional; his parents were gay. The rich girls would look down on the girls who had to wear the same shoes everyday or those who couldn’t afford to wear name brand clothing.
That’s the kind of school I have to deal with everyday. But the things that make it a horrible hellish place go beyond what happens at lunch and how people are treated. The curriculum is horrible. Teachers have lost the will to teach. Their lesson plans have gone from fun to let’s get this over with. It seems to me that they are only in it for the money now and don’t really care if I go into the real world knowing what the square root of 47856 is or not or who won the Civil War. School doesn’t seem to challenge the mind anymore. Teachers on television and movies always care about their students. My teachers don’t care. It’s sort of like college: learn if you want, show up if you want, sleep if you want. If a student is sleeping through a class, the teacher should do something about it.

I'm really good at complaining. I have a file on my computer intitled "Gripes." It is a six page paragraph: size 9 font, no puncuation. Perhaps I will post it sometime. In sections of course.

Hello. boring life comes out in writing. I guess it's not all bad because I'm leaving for Germany in five days. That is when my super awesome summer o' fun begins.

This is day four of my summer vacation. So far I have done...nothing. j/k I had a picnic on day 2. That's it. This is probably going to be a very boring week. It had better go fast so I can get to Saturday. I want to go to grad parties.

I am 18 (finally). My birthday was May 20th. I can buy lottery tickets and drive after 11 pm!!!! Awesome. That is all I care about. The porn and cigarettes are just a plus. Not that I smoke, cause I don't. Buy I can still buy them. I graduate high school in 3 days. I'm full of mixed feelings. Nervous, super-excited, sad...I don't know whether to cry from joy or sadness. My friends are all leaving, well not all, but most. One Florida, one Boston, one is even thinking of going to college in Toronto. (BTW, these are far because I live in PA.)

So...I am an artist. Not a painter, but a writer. Basically, I start a story, then get tired of writing or run out of ideas for it, so I quit. I am a semi-finalist in a poetry contest. I really want to win because I could really use the $1000 cash prize. I'm going to college in three months and really need the money. I also sing. I made it into an auditioned girl's choir at my school. But I hate singing in front of people. If there's a group then I'm fine, but flying solo ain't gonna happen. There are two art forms that will never call my name: 1. drawing and 2. cooking. I can make Ramen noodles, mac and cheese, and microwavable things. If it says "bake" then I ignore it. Back on the shelf it goes. Also, if it's something that needs to be cooked correctly or you'll get sick (ie eggs or chicken) it had better come precooked or not at all.

Back to my SASF (super awesome summer o'fun). Like I said, I'm leaving for Germany in five days. I'll be there for 15 days. Then after four days of being home, I leave for Florida. My friends and I are getting a condo for a week. Later, in August, I'm going to another condo with my family in the Outer Banks, NC. After that it is off to college. And damn am I scared to death.

I guess this is all that's on my mind for right now. But before the day is over, I will probably have more to say.