Saturday, December 18, 2004
We are about to eat dinner and then go Christmas shopping. YAY!! Let's spend money we don't have on bratty little children.
If you read this, check out my other blog...find it yourself.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
I realized that I am going to cry tomorrow when I check out of this horrible place which I decided can be compared to Auschwitz. Cry from grief and the thought of never seeing Kylie and Bob again? No. It will be from sheer joy. I will miss them of course, but that is what instant messenger is for. Who will I miss the most? Becca. I will miss hearing her complain about the same trivial thing for days and to everyone who is in sight. I will miss her totally ignoring my presence. I will miss sooo much about her, even her incredible "I am just too hot" comments. I will miss walking in on her and Matt having oral sex and I will miss her annoying tendencies. To answer your question: Yes, I am really good at being sarcastic.
It's blizzarding right now. Is that a word? Yes, because I just made it up. It's been doing it since I woke up yesterday. God, I love Erie!!!
Saturday, December 11, 2004
i'm thinking about getting my nose and eyebrow pierced. i have no money or i would do it now. i might also get some more holes in my ears. and i want to get my hair cut.
Monday, November 29, 2004
I don't really know how people can say this is the best time of your life. I just spent the last three hours writing two papers and several hours earlier writing another one. Yeah, woah, better slow down all that action. My day just keeps getting worse, although I don't know how its possible. I woke up fine...yeah I was so happy to wake up. Anyway, I wasn't late or anything, but my poptart (which is unfrosted) broke before I got a chance to eat it. Then, my bio class is awesome and usually feels like ten minutes, but no...5 HOURS today. Then I have Sacred Scriptures which is just a horribly boring class. But we got out early today, which is ok, but we have a quiz on wednesday. YES!!!
Then from noon to 1, I worked on one of my essays. Lunch: ok, well its lunch in the Gannon cafeteria. AKA shit food. So, that was a pleasant experience, and then, I didn't have any mail.
2 - 2:40: essay more
3-4:20: history of the west and world...the worst class ever. I hate it soo much and its the only class that I'm doing not well in. Well, my pop exploded all over me and my coat.
After that I went to a computer lab where I tried to print out my essay, but that didn't work becuase apparently my floppy disk didn't exist. So I went to the library and printed it. Then I went to dinner, because I had a meeting. WOOT! more shit food. Then I went to my meeting where everyone was late except me...and then I was nominated to do the paper...there we go essay number two of the day. I finally just settled for making hte font size 14 so it would fill more pages...and oh well if we get in trouble. FUCK IT!!!
Then I wrote my third essay. Since my group members are fucking lame, I missed Gilmore Girls and it was a good one because I caught the last ten minutes...i better get to watch it tomorrow at 11 am or someone will die.
Then I had a mandatory floor meeting at 9.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Tuesday: I'm rollin outta herre around 11:30 am and i'll proceed to BiLo where I will pick up about six boxes of condoms...Three will be the colored and ribbed ones to be used as decorations (like balloons) and two will be flavored for obvious reasons. I like chewing on them because unlike gum they don't lose flavor. The sixth and final box is for me and Biz...we gonna be gettin it on several times. He is hung like a fucking horse...unfortunately its a sea horse. Ok so after i get home from BiLo, I plan on sitting in the closet for a few hours and watching the blood run down my arms since I slit my wrists all the time. When that's dry, I'll wash it with a quick swipe of a bleach soaked washcloth and put on my dancing shoes. I'll head out to the club around 11 pm where i'll hook up with Kimja and Biz and we'll dance til 3 am. Then I will go home and sleep.
Wednesday: After rolling out of bed at noon or later...Biz will probably be passed out on my futon and I'll go make love to him. Hopefully, I will not vomit like last time...that took a few washings to clean it out. His poor Docker's were almost ruined. Anyway we'll run down to the McDonald's on the corner and pick up some egg mcmuffins. When we get back to my room, we'll probably make love again and then it'll be lunch time. I think we'll have some white russians and chicken fingers with ranch dressing. Then its time for a nap and around 6 we'll have dinner. This will be vodka shooters and calcium tablets. The orange ones are good. Then I will throw on my boxers and tank top and Biz and I will curl up on the futon and watch "You Got Served." We do love those classics.
Thursday: I'm going to take a break from my anorexia nervosa so I can enjoy my Thanksgiving dinner. Then Biz and I will have sex once again. Then we'll watch "8 Mile" (another classic) I think I'll take a break from the cutting too. Its a day to give thanks for everything, not slit wrists and avoid food.
Friday: WOOT!! Weekend! PARTY!!!!! That's all. This will end in a drunken stumble into my room and then passing out sideways with shoes onto my bed.
Saturday: see Friday
Sunday: Time to finish off the box of condoms. I'll also do the cutting three times because I have to go back to my college.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
I have this problem. I don't really know if its a problem or what, but its weird. When I find a television show I like, I usually have a favorite character. Then I subconsciously start acting like the character. For example: on The Pretender, Miss Parker was totally awesome. I loved everything about her: attitude, fashion, etc. I started saying things that she'd say and in the same sarcastic/bitchy way. Another example: Lorelai from the Gilmore Girls is super fucking awesome. Like if I could choose a mom, I'd want one like her. Anywho, last night I realized I was talking like her. It was freaking weird because I didn't realize I was doing it until later on in the conversation. It's not just tv either. It happens when I'm around people too. My tenth grade history teacher said "hello" all the time. I started doing it too (I have thankfully gotten rid of that). I can't think of anymore examples right now because as I stated, it's subconcious. I really don't realize I'm doing it unless someone points it out or something. I really don't plan on become mean Miss P or sarcastic Lorelai when I talk to someone, it just happens. I guess the only way to fix it would be to throw myself into complete isolation with no television, radio, or anything like that. Give me a typwriter and endless supply of paper/ink so I can write my novels but don't let me watch Gilmore Girls anymore because I'm acting like both Lorelais...HELP!!
Also, I wanted to add: I noticed my other "personality" found out my password and posted. Don't be scared, she means no harm.
I have to work on my next film this weekend so I won't be around for a couple days. I hope that Allison isn't in one of her moods, or I'll have to tell her off again. This time I might hit her if no one is around to stop me like last time. Almost got fired for that one...
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
A. Totally Sane B. A Little Nutty C. Ok, Stay Away From Me D. What color pads do you prefer for your walls?
So, I actually think about jumping out of windows and walking in front of cars. Also, I have this thing, where I become someone else. I can't tell you her name, because she wouldn't like that and if her husband found out I was writing about this, he might get a little upset. The press might get a hold of this, too, and her career would be over. That would be tragic because I'd have nothing to do on my vacations and weekends. Her kids are great. The oldest one turned 17 not too long ago. And the twins are great too, although a bit annoying sometimes. I might add, the sex is really great; they do it like rabbits: at least once a day, sometimes three or four times. Too bad they don't get freaky, unless you count the other day when they did it on the dresser. That was some really awesome sex.
Anyway, back to the other me...Trick-or-treat is tonight in my dorm. AHHH!!! Children! I've come to realize the only good ones are your own and/or relatives. Once they can talk, they are horribly annoying with the "Why?" shit and before that, you have no idea what they want when they scream and cry. The only reason they're on this earth is so people can go on wellfare and suck the money from us peeps who work. Also, I hear they make pretty good entrees...
So...if you haven't guessed it, the answer to the question is: D.
Thanks for playing today's round!
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
If any of those are correct, its the anxiety one.
Anyway, today as I was discussing my miserable existence with someone, I listed seven things that were on my mind and are probably the cause of everything that is wrong with my head now.
1. I have a strong fear that I will fail my history class. I honestly think I am missing the part of my brain that has to do with remembering historical things. I can remember math formulas and the scientific method and even French things, but I can not remember things like absolutism in France. AND the test is an essay test...way to make things 608 times worse.
2. I have no boyfriend. This leads to no sex and I have been having dreams about it for months now and I don't know what's going on. I realize the reason I have no bf is the fact that I am fat and ugly. This conclusion has led me to start the Atkins diet (maybe) even though you can't eat carrots. I have also been going to the gym with my friends. The ugly part, you can't really do much about so I guess I will have to live with it.
3. My roommate Becca. I would go into intense details, but I won't. Basically, she was my friend and now it seems she ignores me and only hangs out with me when Katie and Kylie are with me. Whatev. You know, I don't have time to deal with this shit. If she doesn't want to be my friend, that's fine, but I have to live with her until May so...
4. We have next to no money. So many people owe my dad money and they're not ponying up the dough. One guy owes him $7000 and another woman owes $2500. She gave him a note saying she would pay $250/month. Fine. So what does my dad get? A check for $150 with no explanation of why she didn't pay the whole amount...Then my tuition bill was due yesterday and when he pays that we'll be $843.50 poorer. Also, we have a huge stack of pills we can't pay. (Sorry to sound like Tanya Tucker.) And my car is broken but we can't get it fixed because that'll be too much and we can't pay it.
5. This is the lamest reason, but it frustrated me. I went shopping for sweaters and couldn't find any that weren't size 0-3. As I said before, I am fat so...The one that I liked and was my size was $118. WTF!!! Who pays that much for a fucking sweater. I found one. After going to about 12 stores. I was so mad. And, I have two pairs of jeans so I thought, "Hey, maybe I can buy some with the little money we have so I do not have to wear the same pair for weeks." No. That didn't happen. Why? Oh because the cheapest pair was $22. Also, no jeans fit me right. I'm in between sizes and I'm not average or short. So I have to buy jeans that are too long and big around. WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. Homesickness: My best friend came up from Florida and totally made me want to be in highschool again with all my friends and family. That's pretty much the whole explanation for that one.
7. I have a major(academic major) crisis. This is complicated so I will give simplified version: I want to be a zoology major, I think. My school doesn't offer it, so I'd have to tranfer. To Maine. If I do that, it will be like starting over and I'd be in the same position I'm in now. Friendless and feeling alone and homesick. Since I'd be in Maine. But the school sounds really cool. I don't know. I need time to think about everything.
I feel like May 2004 came up so fast and I had to choose the direction of my life in 2.4 seconds. I think I settled for the first thing that came to mind: psychology/pre-law and Gannon. I didn't really like it much when I came to visit and it was the only college I visited.
More to come probably...
Thursday, September 16, 2004
lol ok heres my idea: what if inspector gadget had a device that shot gadget from rescue rangers out of his urethra. he'd be all "go go gadget gadget" and then people would be like "yo dawg why ya studderin" and inspector gadget would be like "dohhhhh" but then he'd go "go go gadget machette!" and then the other guy would be all "oh noo!!" and then inspector gadget would go "go go gadget last laugh!" then laugh and blow him up but I'm not sure why he would want gadget to shoot out of his urethra thats the thing im trying to iron out otherwise what do you think livejournal.com lol :D PLZ REVIEW IN COMMENTS SECTIONOk, so the above quote is from my cousin's blog...I know what you're thinking, "What the fuck is wrong with that kid?" Well the simple answer is, he's a Baker. Like me.
(ps the machette is a special kind of machete that blows up)
Ok, well its been a really long time since I have posted if I remember correctly. I don't really know what to talk about right now but I was bored like always so wth, I'll post in my blog because I am a stupid emo bitch. Yeah, a little harsh on myself, but I dont' fuckin care, do you fuckin care? cuz I don't fuckin care.
I'm going to the Mall tomorrow with Squeebo and Aaryn. She came up from Florida since it is no more. Yeah, she's had like a week of classes because there have been 3 hurricanes. I was so happy!!! We also went to Perkins when I went home last weekend. I got Peanut Butter Silk pie which was very good and inexpensive (two very good things for a college student) but with the first bite I could feel my teeth start to rot. Squeebs totally got a tattoo of the Power Up mushroom from Super Mario Brothers. It's pretty cool. She has almost convinced me to get one also. Of a foot print. But not on my ass.
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Catchy title, huh?
It has been awhile, I know. I was sunning on the beaches of the Outer Banks. It was sooo much fun…I went on a Dolphin watch Tour and it was fun. They were too fast or I would’ve taken good pictures and attempted to post them…I have some but I think they turned out shitty. We basically just swam or played on the beach the whole time. My nose got sun burnt and the tops of my feet, too from standing on the deck of the dolphin boat. One day we went to watch the boats come in with their fish. Some of them were like 4 foot long.
So, I have made the transition into college smoothly…As long as they keep me busy, I won’t get homesick. There was a “Freshman Graffiti Party” where you do nothing except walk around and have people sign your shirt. It was a lot more fun than sitting around doing nothing all night. Dominic requested “Can’t Touch This” and they didn’t even play it til much later in the evening. They had drawings for gift certificates and pizza. Bret won a pizza and my roommate, Rebecca won a $100 gift certificate for the bookstore. Rebecca and I went next door to watch Zoolander, but damn freshman hours sent us back over.
On the way to move in, I saw Dave’s new “house.” OK, so it’s not really a house, it’s more of a shitty little trailer…but whatever works. He’s going to visit his bro in Texas sometime soon for like two weeks. I’m happy for him. I think it has been awhile since they saw each other. Yeah so he lives in a trailer but people live below him…Katherine and I decided that they must live in a 3 foot crawl space.
Another reason it has been awhile is because I had to install Gannon’s anti-virus software, which is Norton, which is a synonym for Shitty Software. It totally fucked up my computer and I had to have some guy come in and system restore it through some magical way. That added a day on to the waiting…plus they’re slow down in the ITS room.
I guess you could say that I have some friends. My roommate and I get along pretty well. And when she introduces me and the others, she says, “These are my friends…” It’s cool. I wanted to hate it so I could go home, but I can’t.
I want to talk to Melissa so badly, but I’ve been waiting for internet…GAH!!! The girls down the hall are talking about the John Mayer concert they went to. People were throwing their bras and shirts on stage.
Thursday, August 12, 2004
My mom finally came at like 8:47. I had to rush to get dressed and I had to eat my breakfast in the car. Then, since they were paving the road, we had to go around the block, which is a huge block and took us like 30 minutes out of our way. We made it to the bank after what seemed like hours. I finally made it to the store. I needed to buy underwear so I did. I also had to buy laundry supplies and I did.
When I got home, I had to go get Aaryn so we could hang out on this my last day in Meadville. We watched Practical Magic. I really like that movie. Then I took her home and by that time I was so exhausted, I practically slept through Rocko's Modern Life. I was awake for Any Day Now, though, cause there's no way I could sleep through that.
When I finally had the chance to sleep, Kristi came by to take my out to dinner since I was leaving. I've only seen her three times this whole summer and she used to basically live with me. I guess that has something to do with her drunk ass boyfriend and the fact that she is 8 months pregnant. We went to Chinese and then to some other stores so she could look at baby shit. What fun...
Now I am home and I want to sleep but I have to pack tons o' shit for my vacation that starts tomorrow. I also have to pack everything for college by tomorrow...Oooh!! More fun...
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
I went to the doctor today for my college physical. I had to get 2 shots today. Tetanus and meningitis. The doctor is like retarded. He was like "petsathome?" Like it was one word and I just looked at him and after a few seconds of decoding, I said no. Then he was like, "Since you're 18 you should probably get a papsmear and cervical scrape." Hmm. Nothing is more thrilling then thinking about having that done. After he left, I told my mom, "Oooh. Let's schedule that for tomorrow, cause I can't wait to have my scrape done. He also told me I could "drop a few pounds" and that it would help with my mild scoliosis that I found out I had today. The first thing that came to my mind was, "OK. I'll take that advice from you since you're so svelt." Yeah, he was like twice my size.
My arm hurts like hell. The one that was suppose to hurt doesn't and the one that wasn't suppose to does. I have to stop writing becuase my left wrist is getting sore and I don't know if its from the shot or not.
This is from awhile ago...let me explain some things. Mrs. Farkas was my French teacher 9-11 grade and she lives around the corner from me. Cheri Oteri is my favorite cast member on SNL. Blooming Valley is the small town where I live. Melissa's car is a shitty little toyota tercel with about 1000000000 miles on it. I don't really know, but its bad. Soloman Haas is some kid from my school. Baker's is a grocery store that my g-ma used to own.
Melissa and I were in Blooming Valley with her car and there was a field behind the Farkas' house. We were like “How fast can this car go; let's check in this field.”
So, we're done and she has to push it back to the road. Instead of going with her, I walk down someone's sidewalk. I see a man running like holy hell and he drops his wallet. I pick it up. There's no I.D. and a lot of cash so I take it back to my work place, Baker's.
The wallet was strange - it was huge and had pictures of peoples’ heads on the front.
I turn to my boss and was like "Do you know who's this is? I'm gonna call the cops."
She was like "No. You really don't know whose this is? It belongs to (I don't remember his name), the gangster."
I was like “Wow, so what do I do?”
Well, later that evening, there's a show in Baker's and a party in the house part so we're all partying. The strange thing is that not only friends, but Maplewood and Meadville people were there. Cheri Oteri was my boss. Well, everything's cool until the gangster pops in carrying a picnic basket and says, “Make me a tomato sandwich and give me the wallet and I won’t kill you.”
So I'm standing there at a counter with two pieces of bread. I open the fridge and I asked him if he wanted mayonnaise, ranch, Italian, or what. Then, all the people come into the room and he starts slaughtering people. He only uses knives and scissors. And he makes sure I see all of the people die.
Well, there is blood everywhere and I’m somehow out of the room and when I come back, Melissa is lying on the floor still alive. In fact she's the only one left. So I’m like "Stay there. He'll kill you if you move." I go back to the counter and I’m like, “Do you want ham too.” He says yes and I start piling stuff on it. Then, he hands me a tomato, and says he only likes fresh ones so he brought his own. I don't have a knife on me so I need to get into the drawer he's standing in front of.
A little girl, perhaps 9, comes out and stupid me. I put her in front of my face so he doesn't kill me. He stabbed her in the back and she just hangs there from his knife until he throws her on the pile of other people. Solomon Haas reaches up and stabs him in the leg but he gets killed too.
Then, I kinda wake up, but, when I fell asleep later:
I see him fall from a gun shot in the side and Melissa jumped up from the couch she somehow got on and gives me one of those horror movie survival hugs.
I'm a boy andI'm at some sort of thing where you need to solve brain teasers to move into the next room. If you don't, then you get thrown into another room that is wrong and you have to go back to go forward. Well, my male friend and I were the only ones smart enough to make it to the end, but the owner of the place didn't want anyone to make it through. We were outside walking past a merry-go-round when we heard a voice yell, "Hey! You were supposed to die in the sand!!" We look and see these guys chasing us. Well, we see two pretty women sitting on a ledge and my buddy wants to stop and say hello. It turns out they are Farrah Fawcet(sp?) and Jacklyn Smith. (yes, Charlie's Angels) Smith says, "We've got to stop him!" I morph back into female me and I'm like, "I'll be Sabrina. No one knows who she is anyway!" We start running along the cement sidewalk and it starts turning into sand. It all comes together. We solved the puzzle and the owner was suppose to launch us into quicksand but it malfunctioned and we made it through. Well, to escape the quicksand, we jump onto a wall of movies - like you would see at Blockbuster. I find a movie called something like "Hitler's Untold Method: Quicksand." I hold it up and say, "It's Hitler!!!" Everything stops. The sand stops coming and the people no longer try to kill us "angels." When everything is over, we three angels are hanging out with Bosley when my male friend comes back up to me with another male. They won't give me high fives for saving them because I'm a girl now.
Then I woke up. What the hell?
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
This was added to throughout my day...
Yes! I have made it through another month without getting pregnant!!! So, last night was super hellish. I slept for about 15 minutes. I kept tossing and turning all night. My cramps were so bad that I couldn’t sleep. I wish I could’ve died. In fact, they’re so bad right now that I wish I could die. I finally rolled out of bed at 10:30 this morning. Lord, I was so tired and still am. I wish there were no such things as cramps. They are the worst thing in the world. Pain killers suck a lot. They don’t seem to do shit.
So, I went to my Aunt's & Uncle’s today to show them some pictures from my trip to Germany. That was the most fun thing I’ve done in a while. A lot of my other relatives were there. We had lunch together and found coupons for our trip to the Outer Banks. We didn’t really do anything else. I sat around all day, which is nothing new, but at least I didn’t do that at my house.
So, my favorite show in the entire world had its series finale shown the other day and now it has started over. I love this show: Any Day Now. It’s the best thing ever to come off of Lifetime. It's over now...I cried. Yeah, I know. More of that emo loser syndrome.
We went shopping today and I bought a pair of jeans. Why in hell are they so expensive? K-Mart is the only place I can go where they don't suck. Also, they're relatively cheaper there. Good lord there is nothing to do around my house. Seriously, the ripaway crust pizza we got today was the most exciting thing to happen.
I'm watching Green Acres and I must say, this is an exceptionally good episode. Dear Eva, I love you. I wish you weren't dead because I would come chill with you in your awesome house. Love, Stef. PS: You are totally awesome.
So I have nothing to do tonight...something new!!! Yeah, no. Let me tell you about my exciting evening:
I got out of my pajamas around 3 pm to go to a party. While I was there, I got totally smashed and high. It was so cool. In fact the only reason I remember this whole thing is because I'm totally high now. It's awesome!!!! No actually, I remember because I'm super hungover already. That was a few hours ago. Also, my friend told me that I was vomitting all evening due to my drug use. She said it was really awesome when I had sex with those four people. She didn't really say whether they were female or male, but whatever. I had fun nonetheless. I guess...I'm assuming I had fun because I had lots of sex. Awesome!!! In a few hours I plan on getting into my leather thong, mini skirt, and mesh shirt w/bra and partying until 8 am tomorrow. Yes!!! That is what I call a great time.
So if I could be anyone in the world, I think that I would be...Julie Carson. Now, I don't really know who that is but I'm sure there's one out there somewhere. She's just a regular person, you know, has a rich lawyer/plastic surgeon husband and shit. She has an in ground pool and a cocker spaniel. Maybe even a chihuahua. No kids, cause that's painful and I don't go for that sorta thing. No thanks. Anyway...
I think that I'm gonna grab a sprite, sit back, and watch some Whose Line Is It Anyway?
If you believe the stuff in red, then you obviously did not read the part of my profile thing that says that I may write about things I don't do. Get a life!
Monday, August 09, 2004
Ok, so it’s been a few days since I updated. I was preoccupied with the loss of my best friend. She didn’t die, she moved: across the country. It was so sad. I left her apartment and I got about a mile away and waterworks. I am gonna she her at Christmas, but still. “Melissa, why did you have to go to Florida???”
I have been spending my time with piracy, packing, and cleaning. I need to pack everything I own for College, which starts in two weeks and two days. And I need to pack for my fun filled vacation to the Outer Banks. My room looks like hell since everything is just thrown around and shit. My dad is moving his office into it when I leave so it has to be halfway decent.
My roommate called me the other night, but we couldn’t talk because there was a bat in my house and we were trying to get it out. We finally did, like an hour later. I hope she doesn’t hate me because of the way I was on the phone. I did apologize later in an email explaining everything. It was weird having her call. She spelled my name wrong in the email, but that’s ok cause I’ll fix her of that later. I hate it. It’s only been 18 years; you’d think people would be able to see that my name is spelled with an “f” and not a “ph.” Especially when it’s right in front of them. Seriously, when I write “Hi, I’m Stefanie, your roommate,” is it really that hard to see that f? I don’t think so. But it’s ok for now.
I don’t really know what to write about. Nothing has happened. I lost my physical form for school and if I don’t find it, I can’t go to college. Great. I told my mother, “Don’t give it to me, I’ll lose it.” So what does she do? She gives it to me and I lose it. I can’t even get another one, since my physical is in two days.
I went to another graduation party on Saturday. It was kinda boring. Katherine and I left to get ice cream from McDonald’s. It was good and only $1.06. I am very happy with that since I had about $2 in my wallet. She says I have the softest skin she’s ever felt. She sat there feeling my face all evening. It was weird, but I don’t care. There was this other girl there, Jera, what a bitch she is. I’ve hated her for like 3 years. She is so annoying and bitchy. Unfortunately, she’s “dating” my friend. I hope she doesn’t end up hanging around my campus because he’s going there too. I wanted to push her in the pull and drown her. I really can not stand her. She was always trying to steal Melissa’s boyfriend and have sex with him. To quote Rae, “id like nothing more than for her to be gang raped by a bunch of black transvestite aids patients.” Oh wait, she’d probably like it since she’s into sex a lot.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
I'm downloading a CD right now.
I was reading a magazine about going off to college and realized, I'm going to fail. I'm never going to sleep and I'm going to have no social life. I guess as the move-in day draws nearer, I'm getting a little excited. Plus, my friend said we can hang out on the weekends sometimes.
I checked my college e-mail the other day and had about 12 death notices and another today. What the hell? Nothing informative or anything, but death notices about people I don't know.
Today I had lasagna. It was really good. I wish we had eggs because that's what I wanted for breakfast. I went through this folder of shit from college and realized that nothing was important aside from my schedule.
I did laundry today. Three loads to be exact, but one was only a comforter and a sock that I missed in the first two loads.
My dad and I went to a parade today to see my cousin twirl baton. It was fun and I got a Dum Dum. It's a Mystery flavor, but unfortunately, it's grape.
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
When you have nothing to do but sit on your computer at 12:57 pm and watch The Cosby Show, this is what happens. You blog pointless shit.
I wish I was under 18 for like one more day so I could get free birth control. And it's not that I don't want to get pregnant, cause trust me, that's not a concern right now. But I don't want my cramps to be so bad. Sometimes I have to lie down on the bed with a heating pad and cry because I'm in so much pain. Plus, if I ever do find someone to have sex with, I'll be ok. Hopefully that'll be soon.
My computer is making weird noises at me. Hmmm...Maybe because it sucks ass? I'm not sure though. It just stopped. It'll probably blow up in a few seconds. The quiet before the storm...
I hate the character of Olivia on The Cosby Show. Seriously, why didn't they just cancel it. I do like Sondra though. She, Claire, and Pam's friend are my favorites. I don't know why they had cousin Pam on the show either. She sucks. Actually, I like this episode. It's the one where Vanessa goes to a party and gets drunk from playing the alphabet game. I like the name Olivia though. And Annie. And Emily.
It is completely silent in my room right now aside from me typing. There was nothing going on on the show...Now there is so it's not quiet anymore.
If you can't tell, I am super tired and writing random things that come into my head. Maybe I will be able to sleep.
I need some sleeping pills or something. This is crazy. I haven't fallen asleep pre-1 am in weeks. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.
I wanted to buy a handbag and found one that I really really liked about two minutes ago on some site. It was only $5. Awesome!!! But, there is a minimum of a $150 purchase and if you don't reach it, there is a $15 fee. So much for that...The total came to $30 after shipping/handling/fee. How shittay. I still want one though. Maybe I will go to the shoe store and get one there. They're on sale. Melissa got one, so why not. I bought the most comfy shoes in the world there the other day for only $19.95. I love them so much, only thing is, you can only wear them with certain clothes. So I've been wearing jeans in the 90 degree weather so I can wear them. Or I'll throw on a skirt.
I just killed a fly on my monitor. How gross. I had to spit on a tissue and clean it along with my hand on account of that is what I killed it with.
I'm watching All in the Family. I have nothing else to do but watch "classic TV" on TV Land. I'm so glad we have this channel. If I couldn't watch Green Acres, I don't know what I'd do. Yes I do. I'd watch them on the DVD of season one I got for my birthday. Yes. I am a loser. I have weird-ass DVDs and I don't care.
Ok my TO DO LIST:
1. Find $6000 in the next...About 5 days.
2. Get approx. $9000 for a breast reduction.
3. Find some way to stop the insanely excrutiating pain in my lower abdomen.
4. Get some sleeping pills.
5. Pack everything I own into boxes to move. I have a week for that one.
6. Make my friend a CD by Thursday aka tomorrow. Because she's moving on Saturday.
7. Find money to pay the doctor for the shot I am receiving to go to the shitty college I no longer wish to attend.
I guess that's all for now. I'm sure more will come up.
So my eyes are burning from staring at the screen but I'm not tired.
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
On a lighter note, I am eating some scrumptious Fettuccine Alfredo with Chicken and Broccoli. MMMMMMM!!! the chicken sucks, kinda taste like...i dunno, dirt
I can't wait for next Friday. Even though it is the 13th. Well, actually I can't wait for the 14th. That's when the party starts!! I'm hittin' the beach and staying in a very nice condo. Eventhough I'll be with my family, I'll think I'll have a super good time. I have to pack. I don't want to. I'm sick of packing things. It sucks. I need to know who my roommate is so I know what to pack. I hope she is like, "I am super rich, but not snotty, and I will buy a refrigerator for us. I enjoy watching the same movies as you! We are going to be great friends. And you can come visit my condo in the Florida Keys sometime." Yeah, like that'll ever happen...
Melissa leaves soon...like on Saturday and it's Tuesday. NO!!!!! I don't want her to go. Maybe I will transfer to a college in South Carolina so I'll be closer and I won't have to hate the school I'm going to. I already do and haven't started yet. Hopefully it will be better when I get there. I hope I find some people like her. Then I will not be lonely.
Monday, August 02, 2004
The movie sucked total ass. It was boring and not very scary for a horror movie. When we get back into our own town, Aaryn asks Melissa for some of the movies she borrowed back. Well, they live pretty far apart, so M's just like "I'll get them to you next time I come to Dave's house." (Dave is her boyfriend.) Not liking this answer, she asks me, "Well can you drop them off tomorrow on your way home?" Me: "I'm not staying at Melissa's tonight. I'm getting my car and going home." Her: "Well can you drop them off tonight?" (Remember, this was after the two hour movie and the 45 minute drive home, so it's late.) Me: "I'm not going into the apartment, just getting my car and leaving." Her: "Fine, I'll get them later." Then she gets out at her house.
As soon as she slams the door shut, we talk. "Why does she need them right now? Like 12 more hours is gonna kill her. She's not gonna watch them tonight anyway." "Her mom said I could keep them as long as I needed."
We get to her house, and I really was gonna just leave but we were all hungry because none of us ate dinner in the rush to pick Aaryn up from work. So I ate a sandwich and watched "The Assitant."
I drive home and get to my front door. There are bugs/moths covering it and of course, I get attacked. There are no lights on in the house so I have to feel around for a switch. But...it's not the right one. Then I stumble through my pitch black house, trying not to wake my dad, to my room. Once there, I realize that the light was switched off and I have to basically crawl across my floor so I don't die to get to the fan to turn on the light. Now I'm sitting at my computer doing absolutely nothing because I can't sleep.
Sunday, August 01, 2004
I went to Brittney's graduation party today. I had fun but I found out she's moving in November. Why??? I hate this part in my life. All my friends are going their separate ways. I hope I can keep in touch with some of them. I would really hate to lose all my friends. I know I'll make new ones in college, but still. It's not fair. Her sister is really slutty and annoying. She always plays with her belly button ring and her boyfriend is...well, retarded. I feel bad for Brittney because her family sucks.
So back to me being poor. I want to die. I wish I had money. Maybe I will waste a couple bucks and buy lottery tickets. And then pray that I win.
I decided I'm going to write a movie script and discovered that it's really not that hard to make dialogue, but the stage directions are a whole other story. It's easier for me then a book, because I can write excellent dialogue, but I totally suck at description and other non-dialogue things. I either write too much or not enough; it's never just right. I don't really have a lot figured out, like the title, characters, plot...you know. I have one scene done and I read the whole thing out loud to test it. I have four pages in the scene. I also act it out and make notes on my little clipboard as I do it. Then I read through it tons more times to see if I like it. So far, it's good, but I don't know how to get across the way I want things said in writing. I could tell someone, demonstrate it, but not write it.
I have a huge stack of books waiting to be read. But, it's so hot in my house that I never feel like reading. I want to read them very badly, but I can't find time or get comfortable enough to read. I just keep looking at them thinking, I'll read now...and I'll start. Then someone will come over or call and I don't look at the book again for awhile. I think I'll take one or two to NC with me.
I leave in 13 days for The Outer Banks. Then it's off to college. YAY!!! sarcasm I am kinda excited, but not thrilled that I'm leaving my whole family. Everytime I look at the tuition bill, I get a little nauseous. It's so much and it's happening so quickly....I don't want to go...*tear* I think I'll miss my dad the most. Sure, I'll miss everyone...but since I live with my dad, I think it'll be hard for me to say good-bye on move-in day when he drives home and I'm standing in the doorway waving. I'll cry so much and I don't care who sees me. I really don't give a shit. He's been there for me through everything and I don't want to leave him.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Daytona was ok, but very hot. And being from PA, too hot could be 80 degrees, but it was like 95 all the time. I missed a lot of things that happened with my family, like a garage sale, well 2, and the 4th of July picnic. I did get one good thing out of missing them, there were no fireworks in the shitty little town we live in, but there were tons in Daytona. Unfortunately, I got sunburnt on day one, ok day 3 of vacation, but it took two to get there so I just count it as day 1.
The second day, the day we got there and got our condo room:
*we had been driving for 8 hours
*the woman at the desk wouldn't let us in our room becuase we are not 21
*we made 1200 phone calls to try and get in, but she's an old decrepit bitch
*we walked a mile down the beach to eat dinner - ok, not bad
*it started torrential downpour as we were walking back down the beach to the condo, i stepped on something that looked like an alligator skull, but it was 945 pm so i have no idea what it was
*we were locked out of the pool area to get to the front desk, great now we're soaked, tired, AND pissed
*we called someone to check in for us, but he was busy so we had to wait - the desk closes at 10pm - at 950 she locked the doors leaving us outside in the pouring rain asking us if we had shelter and when saying "well, we have a car" she said "oh, ok"
*he got there and she had highlighted all this shit on the paper about no refunds adn being 21 eventhough it said for non owners, and we were owners, and the refund thing was about cancellations, and "we weren't FUCKING cancelling!!!" (actual quote from the evening)
maybe i will write more about my lovely time, maybe not, i don't know. I think I may be getting carpal tunnel from using a computer too much
Friday, June 04, 2004
Thursday, June 03, 2004
I was reading an article in the senior issue of "The Bark," my school's newspaper, by one of my friends. "Hearing" her say good-bye to everyone that she will probably never see again brought a tear to my eye. Of all my friends, there are only two I feel I miss completely. Perhaps it is because one is moving to Florida and the other to Canada (maybe). I realize that there are summer vacations and telephones and e-mail. But for some reason, I can't help being super sad. I don't know how someone can't be. I mean, life is like a book and this chapter is over. We have reached the climax and there's no going back.
For the last month, all the seniors, including me, were saying how much they wanted it to end, how much they wanted to get out of the hell hole, etc. The moment I stepped out of the school on the last day, I was relieved - a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders, all my stress headaches went away, and for the first night in four years, I slept very well. But, how happy am I that it's over? I don't really know how to answer that question. Of course I won't miss the graduation project, crowded halls, obnoxious/stupid people, grouchy teachers, note taking, and tests. But I will miss eating lunch outside with my friends, having "study" parties, even my biannual choir concerts.
All I have to say to any 2004 graduate who happens to stumble upon this is: It's been one hell of a ride.
I am addicted to downloading music. For the record, I don't do it illegally. I always do it. I must always be doing it, or I feel odd. I am always looking for new things to dl. I know, I am an emo loser.
That sucks because emo is a disease and I don't want it.
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Everything was going fine,
At least I thought it was.
You always seemed so happy,
Never showing pain, or fear.
We always lauged together,
Sharing every joke.
So why'd you have to do it?
Why'd you make it stop?
You know I'm gonna miss you,
Every day and every night.
I loved you like a sister,
So why'd you have to leave?
Remember all the fun we had?
I do, like it was yesterday.
Through good and bad
We stuck together.
And there's one last thing
That I must do.
And that's say the words
I never thought I'd say to you, "Good bye."
So I did the dishes today. If you knew me, you would understand why that is a big feat for me. Then I got dizzy and almost fainted so I slept. Anyway. This blog is just randomness. I just write whatever is on my mind. Sometimes it doesn't even make sense.
I decided on the perfect date: A candle lit dinner, that we don't have to go out for, and then sitting (or other) on the beach until the sun comes up. Yeah, I know cheesy and cliche like in the song I.O.U. One Galaxy by the Ataris. (download this, it's awesome) I guess I should work on getting someone to share that date with...
Here is some of my "free form bitching" as I call it because that is what it is. It's about my highschool:
Has there ever been a time in your life when you wanted to die? I mean everything you did just seemed to make you even more upset. You got frustrated easily and when someone said something to you, you wanted to bite his/her head off. This horrible thing went on for about four years during the hellish period of my life I like to call high school. There is nothing worse than waking up every morning knowing you have to enter a building that causes you so much strife.
I was so sick of tuning in to a TV show and seeing the children skip merrily to school and enjoy themselves. They would always be eating lunch outside at a picnic table or inside at a table just big enough to fit all their friends. The teachers would know everyone’s name and ask how parents and grandparents were. Classes were always full of exciting new things to learn and hands-on experiments. Everyone got along, regardless of race, religion, social class, or sexual preference.
In reality, children have to ride noisy, smelly buses for sometimes an hour to school. Bees plague the outside tables at my school and if you wish to eat indoors, you have to rush to the cafeteria to get a chair and then sit at a table where you sometimes have to hold your lunch in your lap due to lack of space. Some teachers barely know your name by the end of the year and hide it with generic phrases and gestures. They could care less how Mom and Dad are doing. TV classes were never shown as the boring lectures or educational films that were made fifty years ago that exist. Experiments turned computer simulated. Fights broke out all the time because a Jewish boy was talking to a Spanish girl. A boy would be beat up daily because his family was untraditional; his parents were gay. The rich girls would look down on the girls who had to wear the same shoes everyday or those who couldn’t afford to wear name brand clothing.
That’s the kind of school I have to deal with everyday. But the things that make it a horrible hellish place go beyond what happens at lunch and how people are treated. The curriculum is horrible. Teachers have lost the will to teach. Their lesson plans have gone from fun to let’s get this over with. It seems to me that they are only in it for the money now and don’t really care if I go into the real world knowing what the square root of 47856 is or not or who won the Civil War. School doesn’t seem to challenge the mind anymore. Teachers on television and movies always care about their students. My teachers don’t care. It’s sort of like college: learn if you want, show up if you want, sleep if you want. If a student is sleeping through a class, the teacher should do something about it.
I'm really good at complaining. I have a file on my computer intitled "Gripes." It is a six page paragraph: size 9 font, no puncuation. Perhaps I will post it sometime. In sections of course.
This is day four of my summer vacation. So far I have done...nothing. j/k I had a picnic on day 2. That's it. This is probably going to be a very boring week. It had better go fast so I can get to Saturday. I want to go to grad parties.
I am 18 (finally). My birthday was May 20th. I can buy lottery tickets and drive after 11 pm!!!! Awesome. That is all I care about. The porn and cigarettes are just a plus. Not that I smoke, cause I don't. Buy I can still buy them. I graduate high school in 3 days. I'm full of mixed feelings. Nervous, super-excited, sad...I don't know whether to cry from joy or sadness. My friends are all leaving, well not all, but most. One Florida, one Boston, one is even thinking of going to college in Toronto. (BTW, these are far because I live in PA.)
So...I am an artist. Not a painter, but a writer. Basically, I start a story, then get tired of writing or run out of ideas for it, so I quit. I am a semi-finalist in a poetry contest. I really want to win because I could really use the $1000 cash prize. I'm going to college in three months and really need the money. I also sing. I made it into an auditioned girl's choir at my school. But I hate singing in front of people. If there's a group then I'm fine, but flying solo ain't gonna happen. There are two art forms that will never call my name: 1. drawing and 2. cooking. I can make Ramen noodles, mac and cheese, and microwavable things. If it says "bake" then I ignore it. Back on the shelf it goes. Also, if it's something that needs to be cooked correctly or you'll get sick (ie eggs or chicken) it had better come precooked or not at all.
Back to my SASF (super awesome summer o'fun). Like I said, I'm leaving for Germany in five days. I'll be there for 15 days. Then after four days of being home, I leave for Florida. My friends and I are getting a condo for a week. Later, in August, I'm going to another condo with my family in the Outer Banks, NC. After that it is off to college. And damn am I scared to death.
I guess this is all that's on my mind for right now. But before the day is over, I will probably have more to say.